Alone Together (Gallavich)

three

ian

"Ian? Hello? Who was that?"

Finally being brought back to reality, I look up to see my little brother Carl standing in the doorway of our bedroom, a little confused and a little annoyed with the way I was unintentionally ignoring him.

"Yeah, um, hey sorry," I stammered. "That was uh, that was Mickey Milkovich."

Carl's eyes lit up at the mention of the name Milkovich.

"Woah really?! Didn't his dad like stab a dude last week or something? That's legendary."

I was trying to listen to Carl but I was still very much taken aback by what had just happened. I needed to think, alone, in the peace I had hoped to get on my walk home not even an hour ago.

"Yeah, uh, probably,'' I responded without much concern, "I don't know."

Rubbing the back of my neck, I turned slightly to look down at my bed, at the bat that now lay there, more specifically. What the fuck was I thinking?

"Ok well then," Carl interjected. Shit, I dozed off again. "I just came back to get my shiv and a towel so I'm gonna go." And with that, Carl was grabbing things from his dresser and heading back out the door.

"Yeah, ok, see ya."

Slowly I sat down on my bed, taking the bat in my hands. What just happened?

Before I knew it, I had my coat and scarf back on and was out the front door, heading god knows where. It was probably around 20 degrees outside today but right now I could feel nothing. Nothing but a mix of fear and confusion.

Would something have happened if Carl didn't show up?

Did I want something to happen?

Did he?

My brain was going a mile a minute, and apparently so were my feet because before I knew it, I was standing outside the Milkovich house. The guy told me straight to my face to watch out. He was going to swing that bat into my skull like fucking Sammy Sosa, and here I was, just showing up to his house.

"What are you doing here Ian?"

My heart stopped beating as I turned around, relief quickly sinking in, as I saw Mandy, Mickey's sister, standing behind me with a disgusted look on her face.

"Jesus, Mandy. I gotta talk to you," I pleaded.

"Why the fuck should I listen to you after what you did to me," she said as she moved closer to me, threatening the same damage Mickey had earlier. "You made me feel disgusting and ugly and shitty and honestly Ian, you should be fucking ashamed of yourself cause I'm an incredibe girl and you would be lucky to have someone like me in your life. Ya hear that? You would be fucking bles-"

"Mandy, I'm gay," I blurted, cutting off her rant.

"You're what?" she asked, completely stunned and stopped in her tracks.

"Yeah and you gotta tell your brother to back off, please. He's gonna fucking kill me cause he thinks I screwed you over or some shit. Please."

"So you don't think I'm ugly?" she asked with a small smirk creeping up on her mouth.

I let out a sigh of relief. "Mandy, I think you're absolutely beautiful."

"Just not beautiful enough to fuck though, right?" she laughed.

"More like not boyish enough," I laughed back, pulling her into a side hug. "If I was a girl, I'd totally be down though," I continued as we walked back down the street together.

"But not if you were straight?" she asked in a jokingly concerned voice.

"That's a good one Mandy." I looked at her with a huge smile on my face as she lightly punched my shoulder laughing. It definitely didn't solve all of my problems right now but it was more than enough for now.

~

Back at my house, Mandy and I sat down on the couch with the TV on but the volume down as Mandy insisted on asking me questions about my newly shared secret.

"Does anyone else know?"

"I think my brother Lip might know but you're the only person that I have actually said the words to for them to 100% know."

"Have you ever, ya know, with a guy?" A smirk crept onto Mandy's face.

"Not really. My boss likes me though, at least I think he does, so I guess I've thought about it but I've never actually done anything."

"Jesus Ian, how old is he?" she asked, shocked at my previous answer.

"I don't know. He has a wife and kids though."

"Fuck dude. Do you like him?"

"I don't know Mandy. I know I want to know what it feels like to feel like that with a guy and maybe I'm just forcing myself to make that happen with him but who knows? It's hard to tell."

"Yeah that makes sense." She turned back to the TV for a second, creating the first string of silence since we sat down, before getting more serious.

"Ian, I really am sorry about Mickey."

Mickey. My heart starts racing a little at the mention of the boy.

"I mean, if he threatened you or anything I am really sorry. He's my brother and I just told him what I thought was going on. I didn't think he'd try to hurt you or anything."

I looked away as I gave her my response. "I get it. And if anyone should be sorry, it's me. I shouldn't have led you on in any way." I turned my head back towards her, relieved that she has a slight smile on her face.

"You didn't mean to. I came on too strong anyways. I'm glad you don't hate me though."

I laughed a little, "Yeah well I'm glad I'm not on anyone's hit list anymore."

"That's what friends are for." She leaned over and wrapped her arms around me, making sure I understood her words. When she pulled away she let out a small sigh, "Speaking of hit lists, I should probably get home before my brothers think I got abducted or some shit."

I walked her over to the front door and watched as she walked down the street, back towards her house.

Shaking my head and laughing to myself a little, I shut the door and headed into the living room to clean up a little. Fucking Milkoviches, I smirked. Just then my little sister Debbie came down the stairs.

"Hey Ian."

"Hey Debs, d'you go food shopping?"

"Yeah. Liam was being super antsy though so not much was accomplished," she replied, walking into the kitchen and opening up the fridge, clearly exhausted from the day she's had.

"It'll have to do then I guess. Thanks anyways," I answered as I walked into the kitchen, gave her a nice pat on the shoulder and continued up the stairs into my bedroom, shutting the door behind me. Carl still wasn't home, Lip and Fiona were out too clearly, and Liam was probably napping in his and Debbie's room.

I dropped onto my bed, letting out an exhausted breath of air.

Mickey Milkovich, huh? I thought to myself. The way he stared into my eyes when I grabbed that bat... it was as if he expected me to break the universe and create a whole new realm of existence. Like he saw something in them that made him want to, made him need to look forever.

Or maybe it was just me. Maybe I made it all up in my head, my horny 17 year old self just praying to find some kind of sign of mutual attraction with another guy. Was I really that desperate?