Alone Together (Gallavich)

eighteen

i really like this chapter. hopefully u do too. play the song at the time jump about halfway through (I'll tell you when lol) enjoy :)

ian

Mickey took off his shoes and coat before laying down on my bed.
He was here. Next to me.
His hand was on my cheek, his forehead against mine.
It had been so cold in here but I finally felt warm.
I breathed slowly, focusing on the weight of the boy's thumb on my face.
His eyes were closed but he was still here.
He didn't leave. I didn't tell him to go.

I knew that what he did wasn't his fault. What else was he supposed to do?
I'm not mad at you, I told him in my head.
I wasn't. I never was.
I was just scared. I still am.
Scared I'm like Monica.
Scared I'll never want to leave my bed again.
That I won't be able to think straight.
That the feeling of heaviness in my body is permanent.

Scared that it'll happen again.
That I'll disappear under the weight of yet another person who decides to use me.
That I'll never stop craving numbness.

Scared Mickey'll eventually leave.
That I won't give him a good enough reason to stay.
That lying here in my twin bed on a cold, dark friday afternoon on the South Side of Chicago will be all I remember of us.

But that wouldn't happen.
How could I forget?
He dropped the bat.
He connected us in the dugouts.
He let me care about him.
He cared about me back.
He held me when I needed to be held.
He made sure I was comfortable. Safe.
He didn't want to leave even when I told him to.
He came back when I didn't think he would.
He was here now.
I couldn't forget that.
Ever.

I just hoped he wouldn't forget it either.
I know he didn't want anyone outside of this house to know about us. That publicity was his greatest worry in this relationship. I understood that. I wasn't arguing it.
But if you keep anything locked away for long enough, if you hide it from daylight, from reality, it's bound to fall apart once you do let it free.

I guess my fear had nothing to do with either of us leaving or not feeling what I thought we both felt anymore, but rather the fear that it would just stop working.

I didn't want to see us stop working.

I didn't want to see myself stop working.
I wouldn't be able to handle that.

Forget my fears, I was going to scare everyone else away. Make them not want to be around me.

At least not now. I had one person around me for certain in this moment. The one person it meant the most to still have. My eyes fluttered shut, the spot on the wall above me not really striking anymore interest in me. I let my body adjust into Mickey's, craving the feeling of being closer to him. His body shifted in response, bringing us even closer.

The last thought I remembered before falling asleep was simple and comforting -
I was okay.

~ (start music)

I woke up in a slight panic. Next to me was no longer the warm body of Mickey, but instead an empty space. All day it had been dark out but it was clear at this point that the sun had gone down. A lonely feeling swarmed my chest, adding heaviness to not only my head but my heart. Quickly, however, my thoughts flipped around when I heard the toilet flush and the bathroom door open. I sat up, looking at my own doorway in anticipation at who would emerge in the hall. To my relief, it was exactly who I had hoped it to be.

"Shit, shouldn't of flushed, didn't mean to fucking wake you. Sorry."

I just looked into Mickey's icy blue eyes as he came back over to the bed.