FALL (DIMENSION Series #1)

CHAPTER 1

Derek Nash was a problem for me. But nobody knew that he was a problem. Nobody even knew that I liked him. And this was by my own design. Derek and I lived in different worlds and nobody could possibly understand my fascination.

     It was more than fascination, it was a full-blown obsession. His dark, thick hair. His intense, green eyes. His lean, yet muscular, body—and how good that body looked in jeans and a t-shirt. The way in which he moved—with grace and speed—in the effortless manner of a wild cat. I liked him. I liked everything about him. And the obsession wasn't new. It had been going on for weeks now.

     But Derek and I were removed from each other. We were in different social strata. By which I meant that he was out of my league. The only closeness between us was geographical proximity. We went to the same school. And even at school, it wasn't always easy to find him. He ditched more than anyone else. Or to clarify—anyone else I closely observed. Because closely observing him was what I did. It wasn't like I actually ever talked to him. But I did get to see him.

     Sometimes I wondered if seeing him was even a good thing. Because it kept him at the center of my life and made me think about him all the time. I analyzed everything about him. I knew every class he took, and whenever it was possible, I made sure to be strategically positioned close to where I thought he might be.

     Since I was too shy to speak to him, I tried to listen to his conversations to learn more about his life. And I didn't feel guilty about it. Nor did I feel bad for eavesdropping on the conversations of his friends. Or listening in on the conversations of the girls he liked. Those girls he teased and ate lunch with and went on dates with. And probably made out with too.

     It wasn't easy—thinking about all the girls Derek went out with. Throngs of girls competed to be at his side. Being super-handsome meant, of course, that he was popular. And since he was one of the cool kids, and a breaker of rules too, it meant he was a little dangerous as well. He clearly was experienced with girls and with dating in general, and I knew he was probably doing more than just making out with his dates. I, on the other hand, wasn't experienced at all.

     I bit my lower lip. It wasn't easy being a junior and being obsessed with the most handsome boy in school.

     "Eleanor!" My mother called, as if she'd been eavesdropping on my thoughts. "Dinner's ready!"

     I pushed my long hair behind my ears and sighed. My mother would definitely want to interrupt my thoughts about boys. Especially now as I was sitting at my desk, supposedly doing homework. And especially my thoughts about this boy, whom my mother would instantly label as trouble.

     I turned on my desk lamp. While I'd been daydreaming about Derek, twilight had set in. This was my favorite time of day. When the outlines of things started to fade and their colors blurred together. Everything seemed softer and more welcoming. And more romantic too.

     I stared out the window into our dusky backyard below. The leaves were turning. Some trees were yellow. Some orange. Some were a mixture of colors. The colors made the trees seem luxurious, like they were parading new flair. Which they were, of course. This was their final statement before they'd be stripped bare.

     I looked around my room. I liked the blue-gray walls and the lemon-yellow curtains and the hardwood floors. And the bookcase overflowed with my favorite books and old birthday cards and pictures of Italy. Italy was one of my obsessions. Before dreaming about Derek, I used to dream about living in Italy. I still did, sometimes.

     But, of course, being in Italy would mean that I wouldn't get to see Derek. Just thinking about him triggered another image of him. This time in faded blue jeans and a white t-shirt.

     I couldn't tell anyone in my family about my Derek obsession. I'd be too embarrassed to ever actually share any of my real feelings. But even if I could, it wouldn't help me.

     My dad would get uncomfortable and go silent. My little brother was too young to know about such things. My mother would tell me that college was where real dating happened and real boyfriends were found. That was because she'd met my dad in college. And she either hadn't had any fierce obsessions in high school. Or if she'd had them, she didn't remember them.

     My mother didn't think much of high school love. At best she'd consider this a passing crush. When it wasn't a crush at all. It was love. Love from a distance, because I couldn't get close to him. But it was real love. I felt it inside me, and it was unlike anything I'd ever felt before.

     This was the first time I'd ever been in love. Sure, I'd had crushes before, but that's all they were. Little infatuations. Fleeting and insubstantial. Really being in love was a whole different thing. It felt like a new dimension had been added to my life. One that hadn't existed before. But now did. It added a layer of complexity. But it was more than that. I wasn't who I used to be. I was a new person in a new dimension. It was like I'd been kidnapped from myself, and I was being held hostage. My thoughts and my feelings seemed to belong to someone other than myself now. They seemed to belong to him.

     My life had been disrupted the instant Derek Nash had sauntered into it. I revisited the first moment of our acquaintance all the time. It was like a continuous rerun inside my mind.

     It had been our first day back at school after the summer. Just as I was exiting my biology class, I was stopped in my tracks. A boy I'd never seen was right in front of me and he was perfect. The most handsome boy I'd ever seen. I had to concentrate not to gape at him. Instead I just stared. An otherworldly beauty seemed to cloak him. His hair was perfect. Dark—almost black—and thick. His eyes were big and dark green and speckled with little flakes of gold. The most arresting eyes I'd ever seen. They sparkled and beckoned. And that perfect face was looking at me and smiling at me.

     "Hey," he said.

     I was stunned. This perfect boy in front of me was actually acknowledging my existence.

     "Hey," I managed to whisper back at him.

     I was awe-struck. My heart fluttered in my chest. It seemed to want to leap out of my body after a long slumber.

     In my stupidity—what my mother sometimes referred to as my naiveté—I thought that this beautiful boy had smiled at me. At me in particular. And that it meant something. Like maybe he'd noticed something about me—something he liked. And maybe he was trying to convey some kind of message to me. Some spark of recognition. But, I soon found out that he smiled at everyone. At all the girls. And now I finally knew: Derek Nash's smiles meant nothing. He gave them away for free.

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