FALL (DIMENSION Series #1)

CHAPTER 29

I wanted to speak. I wanted to tell Derek what this moment meant—what he meant to me, but I stayed silent. My words under the surface, waiting for the right time to be spoken out.

     His face was close to mine, but it wasn't revealing much. His eyes were darker than before, somewhere between their normal color and the dark green they became whenever he seemed to mentally vacate his body. But right now, I was pretty sure that he was still with me under the tree. He seemed to be mentally present.

     His eyes met mine and I read seriousness in his expression—a kind of gravity had invaded the moment. It seemed to have invaded him. I thought he was struggling with something. Some kind of inner turmoil.

      "It's not that I think I'm not the right guy for you," Derek said, and his voice was low. It sounded like he was struggling to talk, to push the words out of his mouth. "I actually know that I'm not right for you."

      I blinked a few times. I was trying to process what he'd just said and the way he'd said it. With extreme certainty and finality. Like this was a done deal—he wasn't right for me and there was nothing that could be done about it. He was just doing me the courtesy of informing me so I could come to some kind of acceptance. And move on with my life.

      I wondered if he considered himself right for someone else. For Isabelle Bree maybe? Her pixie face floated up in my mind's eye and a low moan escaped my lips. I was the one sounding tortured now.

      I shook my head. In the sky, the stars were spinning and blurring together. It was because my head was actually spinning, independent of the headshaking I was doing. I could feel that things were on the cusp of imploding. I could sense everything being taken from me. This night with its breeze and its stars. This moment right now—with the two of us sitting under the tree and looking into each other's eyes—felt like it was being threatened by something. Some external source. I had the sense that someone or something wanted to take it. Wanted to steal it from us. And it wasn't the threat of Isabelle Bree or any of Derek's other female admirers that made me feel this sense of trepidation. It went deeper than that. It was an external force that exceeded what any human could do. Like a law of nature, or something.

      I registered that I was having another sense of foreboding. Similar to the one I'd had in the woods that day prior to my fall. That day in the woods I'd been so overwhelmed by the unsettling feeling that I hadn't been able to take action. And because of my lack of taking action, I'd gone flying down the mountain. This time I knew better, I knew I had to act.

      There was this external law of nature threatening us, but I was aware of another law of nature as well—an internal one. I was heading Derek's way, no matter what. I was heading into his burning flame and there was nothing anyone could do to stop it.

      I sat very still, but my mind was racing. It was desperately searching for an answer. I tasted something strange in my mouth and wondered if it was adrenaline. My thoughts started crystallizing. I seemed to be standing outside myself, looking down on me and Derek while also watching my thoughts take shape in my mind's eye. Seeing them play out for us. I knew that I had to look at each thought closely, because I needed to pick one and act on it. And I needed to pick the right one.

      The stars seemed a long way off. If they'd been leaning in earlier, it felt like they'd retreated now. They were dim and distant. Like they were too afraid to witness the thing that was about to transpire. Like they might be looking away from a chilling scene in a movie.

      "You are the right guy," I said.

      I watched his eyes light up briefly, a glimmer of light floating across them. And then it was gone, and I knew I had to continue. It was up to me now. To dig up the right words, to speak them out loud. That seemed to be the answer, the only action that would stop this moment from being stolen out from underneath us.

      "You're right for me," I continued. "You're more right for me than anyone has ever been." I let out a sigh of relief. There it was—I had finally spoken out my truth. I had said this thing that had resided inside my soul for so many weeks and that had intensified in recent days. This thing that I had not thought I could ever tell anyone about, least of all Derek. But there it was, out in the open now. Released from me. I instantly felt lighter.

      The bronze flecks in his eyes turned into shades of champagne. It meant he was staying. And it seemed to be my words that were making him stay. I'd discovered something within myself, a strength. And right now, the ability to make him stay felt like some kind of superpower. I heard the breeze stirring the leaves up above and I was grateful for all of it. The breeze, the night, and most of all—the boy sitting beside me.

      "You have no idea what I'm all about," Derek said and the gravity of earlier had returned. It was in his voice. "I'm not who you think I am."

      I nodded.

      "I know," I muttered. "I don't care about all that." I was surprising myself. It was all crashing up to the surface. It seemed we had waded into the essence of things now, like we were swimming into the ocean, getting in really deep, to where the breakers were—not knowing what we'd find. I was aware that I'd entered dangerous territory, but it was true that I didn't care—not about Derek's strangeness, nor about this pod of danger that had been split open, that was surrounding us now.

      "You don't know the full extent of things," he said and his beautiful eyes seemed splintered. Like they'd smashed into shards of green and champagne-colored glass. They were unlike anything I'd seen. Even in the midst of his pain he was stunning and mesmerizing, unable to look away from.

      "I know you're different," I said and paused. "I know you're otherworldly." I bit down on my lip. There it was. The unspeakable had been spoken out.

      It was quiet now. The breeze was no longer ruffling up the leaves. The sound of traffic had died down. I wondered if the elements had quieted down because they could sense the coming of a storm. Something big and strange and meaningful was about to be triggered. And the drama of the moment would be accompanied by some drama in the weather, I was sure of it.

      Derek seemed surprised, stunned really.

      "I know you're an unusual girl," he said. "And unusually perceptive," he continued. "But how could you know this?"

      I shrugged.

      "I can feel it in my bones," I said. Of course I'd felt it on my skin too. His touches and the sparks of fire those touches had sent through me. The way his touch had healed my shoulder and how he seemed to know some of my thoughts. And the times I'd seen him fight to try to stay in his own body. How he seemed to be different things simultaneously—a beautiful and brilliant boy who was sought after by many girls. And also a boy who struggled to remain present in his own life. Who got pushed out of his body sometimes, by someone or something.

      "I can't believe it," he said, looking dumbfounded.

      "It's going to be okay," I said.

      I was aware of the stars—they had become brighter, had returned to their former splendor. I thought they were rooting for me to win this round, encouraging me to speak out the right sentences. The ones that would convince Derek and make him stay.

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NEXT NEW CHAPTER—THURSDAY, JUNE 4

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