FALL (DIMENSION Series #1)

CHAPTER 46

Derek pushed himself off the tree and stood without any support. I got the sense he was making himself stay in the moment because he had to tell me some facts.

     "You don't want to stay in this thing," he said. "Trust me." And although his eyes were getting lighter, his expression was solemn.

     "This thing?" I repeated back to him.

     "You don't want to be involved with me," he continued. "I tried to warn you before." He sighed. "This is a kind of web and you'll get tangled up in it."

     "What if I'm already tangled up?" I asked. And of course it was true. I'd fallen hard for this boy next to me. This boy who even in his state of exhaustion looked perfect in his black jeans and black t-shirt. His thick hair stirred by the wind. His chiseled face looking down at me.

     "You've seen how it is when I try to avoid you," he said, and I heard regret in his voice.

     I nodded. I certainly had. And I knew what I'd be signing up for by staying in this thing as he referred to it. I'd be ignored. I'd be left on the sideline and I'd be staring over to the center stage where Derek and Isabelle would be stealing the spotlight. Traversing the stage by each other's side while the rest of our school admired and envied them in equal measure. I'd be left alone by Derek and I'd feel so alienated and sad that I'd begin to question myself and my perception of things. And whether there'd ever really been a connection between us at all.

     Still, despite knowing all this, I knew I'd continue to be there for him. But instead of putting myself directly in the line of fire, I'd resolve not to be actively waiting for him to reappear or to be checking my phone obsessively. But even that wasn't entirely true. Of course I'd still be watching for signs of him. I remembered the days earlier this week when he'd ignored me. I felt paralyzed—I couldn't sleep, struggled to eat, thought only circular thoughts. The ones that circled back to him. 

     I knew I'd never close my heart to him. I'd remain poised to meet him, as if he might be entering my house, or my room, at some ungodly hour. I'd always wanted him to come back to me. I saw it now with clarity. This is what I'd been waiting for, even now—for Derek to come back to me. Please allow us to dwell in the light again, I thought, directing my plea at the universe.

     "I was supposed to have died. She saved me." Derek muttered.

     I knew he meant Isabelle. I pictured her perfect hair and beautiful pixie face and her trendy outfits and my heart sank.

     "How did she save you?" I asked. I couldn't imagine it. What did Isabelle have to do with the car crash his family had been in? And what had she done about it? How had Derek been spared?

     He shook his head and I knew that he wasn't going to divulge the specifics. I got a sense that it was off limits. Something he wasn't authorized to talk about.

     "So, you both dwell in this other place now?" I continued. That possibility gave me no sense of comfort. It meant that he and she could go where I couldn't go—to some kind of exclusive place, like a private club or something. It all made sense now, as I remembered Derek telling me that Isabelle was like him.

     "Where is this other place?" I asked. I took a deep breath and continued. I was going to say it all out loud now. I was going to speak out the nagging thought that had been floating in and out of mind for a while now. The thought that was so far out that I'd never actively tried to analyze it. But that was somehow starting to feel more plausible with every passing second. "Is it another dimension?"

     He looked up sharply and his eyes were suddenly flooded with light. It was remarkable, like a switch had been flipped.

     "How did you know?" he asked and despite the light in his eyes there was a heaviness to his voice.