FALL (DIMENSION Series #1)

CHAPTER 42

I didn't know it at the time, but the moment of leaving Neal's house would be the last thing I'd remember with complete clarity in the coming days and weeks. Other memories would turn out to be more foggy.

     Neal walked me from out to their porch after the hours we'd spent together immersed in calculus problems. I saw that the stars still were hidden behind a layer of clouds.

     "Thanks for everything," I said to him. I was flooded with gratitude for his wisdom and the way he'd imparted some of it to me.

     "Anytime," he replied, and his eyes were soft in the porch light.

     That memory that was with me now, even though several things had happened since. Days and nights had passed in a way that made it seem difficult to fully embody them or to retain their specifics. I no longer experienced the days as individual occurrences—but as a chain of events I'd fallen into and was moving through. Moments at school and in the cafeteria with Julia and Mary Rose. Phone calls with Nisha. Dinners with my family.

     Sometimes time seemed compressed and other times it seemed stretched out. It was Friday now. It was shocking that I'd actually managed to make it to school every day since Derek's reappearance.

     Because the days had blurred together, time seemed different from how I'd experienced it before. It had become something that no longer felt linear. Often it seemed to stretch out and become windy and drawn out like taffy. I tried to look back in time and to recall things in the order that I wanted. But that approach no longer worked. It was like time itself had become the keeper of my memories and decided what it would present to me. Hence, I couldn't access my memories of Derek in the way I'd wanted to. I never knew what memory would surface in my mind. It was like staring straight down into a lake and finding random things that floated up to the surface. A wrinkled-up leaf, part of a branch, a dead fish. I vaguely remembered Derek calling me an interesting girl. But I couldn't fully access that memory. What I could see very clearly was the hallway scene when Isabelle Bree had held onto his wrist. I wondered what it meant. The fact that my desirable memories of Derek had been suppressed in favor of ones that were more difficult to stomach.

     I saw them together at school most days. Derek and Isabelle. It was difficult to take it in—to absorb the image of them. But at the same time, I found myself unable to look away. Even today, it seemed, I wouldn't be spared from having to see the newly minted couple.

     I was on my way to the cafeteria with Julia. And even though it was Friday, Derek and Isabelle both were here instead of ditching, as I'd have expected. The hallway was crowded. The cool kids were there, creating a kind of fortress around Derek and Isabelle. Like the two of them not only were new couple, but had also been crowned the new leaders, and needed extra protection and privacy, or something.

     I couldn't see much, and I'd long given up the hope that Derek might actually glance at me. That his eyes might convey something I might be able to decipher. Like they might actually hold a hint as to what the hell had happened. Why he'd been distant and aloof. Why he'd been running around with Isabelle, and all the rest of it. I suppose I hoped to see sadness in his eyes, or confusion. But I didn't get close enough to see anything.

     Today I could make out only their clothes. Derek was in his trademark black and of course he was beautiful. I stared at his perfectly proportioned body. His movements fluid from where I watched him from across the hallway. And Isabelle was in a black mini skirt and her high-heeled black boots. A bright yellow feathery sweater showed off her body. It was the kind of outfit that made people stop and stare. Not just because of the bright color but because of how good she looked in something so form-fitting.

     "Isabelle Bree's so hot," a guy behind me said to his friend. I wanted to turn around and glare at him, but I stopped myself.

     Before I knew it, we'd entered the cafeteria. Mary Rose waved from a table. In my mind I was still in the hallway, stealing looks at Derek. As was the case these days, I seemed to glide through some moments of my life now without fully experiencing them.

     What had happened to time? Had time actually changed or had my impression of it changed? I knew it had to be related to the traumatic way in which I'd experienced Derek's exit from my daily life. But I had the feeling that it went deeper than that. That time had actually been altered by Derek's disappearance and his reappearance and the way in which he himself had been altered. I wanted to talk to my dad about the human experience of time and the physics interpretation of it, but I didn't know where to start. I'd have to wait for the right moment, because my dad would definitely have some thoughts on the matter. In the past, I'd heard him say things like: no time, no space, no matter. These were abstract concepts and my mother didn't want Janson and me exposed to my dad's theories. Whenever he went off on these tangents I'd see my mother glance at him sideways and that seemed to stop him from saying more on the topic. I knew my dad didn't have a conventional view of time. And I no longer had it either.

     I was in line at the cafeteria when someone touched my elbow. I turned and came face to face with Derek.

     "Hey," he said.

     My heart lurched in my chest and I clutched at my tray. Derek being in line behind me wasn't coincidence. He'd sought me out.

     I looked up at him, stared into his eyes. Two bands of green and golden speckles across both of them. His eyes indicated that he was back. That he'd be here in this moment with me. I could feel my heart galloping in my chest, like it didn't want to be contained by my body. Like it wanted to float up to the sky like a red balloon—free from the restrictions of skin and bone. All those feelings from earlier came flooding back to me. I felt my legs go weak and my heart expanding even more. A warmth was flooding my body. I thought it started from my elbow where he'd touched me. But maybe it was coming from my heart.

     All our moments together came back to me—flashing up inside my mind like scenes on a movie screen. I saw us walking next to the river, the sun glinting off it. I saw us riding in my car, listening to Joni Mitchell. I saw us sitting under the tree in my yard. The bright stars overhead looking down on a boy and a girl sitting next to him—close enough to touch—wrapped up in his jean jacket. Happiness was growing inside me, coursing in my veins like a river rising up, making me feel warm and happy and expansive. This was what he did to me. He gave me all those feelings I wanted to feel. Nobody could move me the way that he did. 

* * *

NEXT NEW CHAPTER WILL BE PUBLISHED SOON! 

Thank you for reading this chapter! Show your support for this story by simply clicking on the little VOTE (star) button.

And, of course, I'd love to read your comments too.