The March of the Black Queen (book III)

24.) I Rule With My Left Hand

A/N:

Wow. It's been forever!
I've missed all of you sooooo much! Thank you kindly for 5k reads on this book & for keeping up with this series!! 🥰❣️❣️

I was struggling on how to piece together this next part & I hope it's not too confusing!! Just the set up for the ending. The real ending. Just a few more chapters, lovies!

It's been a crazy ride
Thank you all for coming along....🙃

X

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"You thought you could out run me, honey?," his horrid shining teeth glimmer in the darkness. A spine chilling slow, jolly cackle leaves his lips.

"You thought you could ever replace me? He's needed me to guide him. He's needed me to reassure him that his gay lovers were anything but sinful guilt. He doesn't need you ruining him again,"

I feel his hands around my throat. I can't breathe. I can't breathe.

"Let- me- go," my choked plead comes out as breathless whines.

He hovers above me, planting his knees on my chest as my airways constrict to the pressure exerted by his hands. He presses his full body weight down on me, until his lips reach my ear, his mustache tickles my skin causing fear to trance me.

"I'll be back later, my love...,"

Freddie whispers warmly in my ear as he leans over my sleeping form. A gasp escapes me in my dream world, but here I lay motionless, paralyzed to the mold of the mattress.

Sometimes it's hard to face him the morning after— Sometimes when I wake up and he's wrapped around me, I can't breathe. But I can't let him on to that.

I keep my eyes closed until I hear the front door shut and lock behind him. I keep them closed still as I wait to let out the deep breath that I'd been holding in.

I don't remember ever having had so many tormenting dreams, night after night. They become so mixed with reality, I sometimes forget what's real and what's simply my mind trying to play tricks on me.

Don't get me wrong, we're finally happy. Every day of the last month together has been a mind boggling struggle for me, but I'm sure to him it's much the same. In fact, I don't kid myself that anything will ever get easy again— the damage is done.

Rising out of bed this morning, I have nothing to prioritize with my little darlings having slept over the with the Deacons. I decide to take a soothing bubble bath in the jacuzzi tub to try and ground myself.

My stomach feels in knots and I'm unsure if it's just restless nerves, or if I'm going to be sick. I want to vomit up every memory- but that's not how this works. I feel my body aching from the stiff way that I usually sleep now a days. The night sweats don't make me feel any better, either. I wake up cold and empty, nauseous and sore— like fighting for my life in my dream world is creeping into my waking life as well.

Settling into the scolding hot tub water, I begin to lather myself while inspecting my body. I can't help but think of the weary look in my husbands eyes each time I'm naked. The yearning sexy glares are often times interrupted by looks of concern for all the weight I've lost. I still can't figure how to gain back the curve of my hips, the thickness of my thighs, or the fullness of my breasts.

Now that I have my love back, nothing really matters. I let the water keep rising to cover me from my vision. It'd be better if my own body wasn't a constant reminder.