Lexie (COMPLETED)

Chapter 39

Lexie's P.O.V

i open the doors to the church. wiping my tears i walk to the front of the empty church. sitting down on one of the benches i put my hand over my face and started to cry. i flinch when i feel someone touch my shoulder. 

it was the pastor. "hi pastor" i sniff. he smiles "what's wrong my child, talk to me" i sigh and wipe my tears. "i did something horrible, not only did i break my promise to God but i told this guy my feelings and it bit me in the butt" he takes his hand off my shoulder and places them on his lap.

"you broke a promise? did you fornicate?" he says softly. i nod feeling the tears come down again. "i thought i could control myself with that, but this guy, my boyfriend. i felt things with him that i've never felt before. and i wanted to...i wanted to be with him in that way" "did he force you?" he asked. 

i shook my head "no, he did not. it was completely my choice. it was a bad choice" the pastor sighed "dear, The lord gave us free will for a reason, so we can choose our own paths. we can choose if we want to follow him or not. he didn't want to force anybody into doing whatever he wanted, he wanted us to have a choice. now if the path we take is the wrong path, the path of sin. 

we can either choose to stick with that path or change our ways. if you really feel like you made a bad choice with the boy, than you change it. you repent" i nod "yes i know that, but that's the thing. i kinda don't regret it.. i know i probably should but i don't regret the time i had with Jason. what i do regret is opening up to him more than i should. we've been together for 2 months now and i told him i loved him! how dumb am i ?!"

the Pastor smiles "you're not dumb. you're a teenager. a teenager who's still adjusting to the world, still learning about it." "yeah but 2 months is so short! i should have waited to tell him, i should have waited to have sex with him but i did everything so fast and i scared him away" "what did this Jason say after you told him you loved him?" 

i sigh "he didn't say anything. what's even worse he doesn't even know if he likes me that much. he was ignoring me because he wanted to try to figure it out on his own" "but do you love him?" i mentally roll my eyes at the pastor. 

"yes i do that's why i told him" the pastor shakes his head and puts his hand on my shoulder "do you love him, as a person or do you just love the way he treats you?" i sigh "both, he makes me happy. when i first met him i was dating his brother and i thought Josh was the one for me but Jason came home after being away in college and we just had this connection, this strong connection. 

i wanted him more than i wanted Josh. he's funny, he's charming and he's so sweet. he has a kind heart. the first time i kissed him i felt fireworks. my heart was beating fast my brain turned into mush. it was literally love at first sight. i think that's why i gave him my virginity. cause i felt like he's it for me. i never wanted to give it to Josh, it was never even an option. it was a simple no with him...

But Jason, i want to do everything with him. i want to marry him and travel together have kids...but i'm moving so fast. in my mind we've been together for years. in his mind we just got together and are still new, i mean it's true we are still new. he hasn't even met my family yet" 

"in my opinion it doesn't matter how long you've known the person. if you feel like that person is the one then it shouldn't matter. i think God made a soulmate for everybody. my wife is the love of my life and we've been together for 40 years. that's a lot" i smile "that's beautiful" 

he smiles back "every morning i tell her how beautiful she looks even though she looks like a scary mammal in the morning" i chuckle. "give Jason some time, don't rush into it. you can keep feeling the way you're feeling but remember he's a boy and boys are stupid" 

i laugh and nod. "you're right pastor." "Jason sounds like a nice guy so just give him time, ease into it. go slowly. live in the presence not the future and don't mention anything to him about marriage or kids cause he will run for the hills" i smile"yeah okay" 

i hug him "thank you pastor" he returns the hug "you are very welcome...and remember to pray every night. Thank God for everything you have, don't forget about him. Jason may be your boyfriend but God is your life remember that"                  

i nod "i will thank you" we stand up. "take care my child" i smile "you to pastor" i leave the church feeling much better. i know now that i need to stop rushing into things. that's always been my problem. i want things to happen fast and sometimes i forget things are going in slow motion around me. 

i need to talk to Jason but i'll talk to him tomorrow. right now i'm exhausted and i want to go to sleep.