Let Live (An Austin Carlile Love Story)

Hanging On By a Thread

This chapter is LONG!! I hope it's not too long, but there is a lot of information I wanted to get out this chapter.

I hope you like it!!! :) Let me know what you think!

Tyler's P.O.V:

My mom took a seat on the small couch in her room and motioned me over. I stuck my hands in the front pocket of my sweatshirt and walked slowly over, sitting next to her. I was quiet and reserved; I didn't want to get my hopes up that today would be better than last time, and the time before that, and the time before that. She was smiling widely at me; she looked happy, and it broke my heart. I bit my bottom lip and gave her a sly smile.

"So, when did your plane land, honey? Did you just get in?" she asked and my heart dropped; I should expect this by now. It's been long enough that I should know she won't remember anything, but everytime I get the courage to come here I always hope that she will snap out of it, that I'll get my mom back. But it never happens, and when she's in a good enough mental state for visitors we end up having this same, exact conversation every time I visit her.

"Yeah, Mom, I got in a few hours ago," I replied as I forced a fake smile. The doctor said there was no point in trying to tell her when she was wrong and that things have changed, that we should just go along with it to avoid overwhelming her and freaking her out.

"And was your flight okay? It's what, about a 6 hour flight from Nashville to LAX?" she questioned and I shook my head.

"Yeah, something like that." I looked at her scarred face as I fought the urge to cry.

"And have you seen Joshua yet? That boy is quite a handful. I talked to him yesterday and he said he misses you a lot so I hope you two get to spend some time together. And I'm sure Alan misses you too!" Her face lit up as she talked about my brother and Alan; she hadn't talked to Josh yesterday. She hadn't talked to him in years, but I wouldn't tell her that. I liked seeing her smile.

"Yep I went and saw him earlier and I'm going to stay with him while I'm in town. I missed him too. I missed you a lot, mom. I'm glad you're feeling good today," I reached out and grabbed her hand and squeezed it tightly and she patted the top of my hand with her free hand.

"I missed you, too Tyler Bean! I'm just glad you're out in Nashville going to school and making friends and having fun. You deserve that and I'm so happy for you!" I had to fight back the tears as she spoke; she hadn't called me Tyler Bean since before everything happened. I reached out and hugged her. Even though her memory was stuck in the past I felt like my mom was there with me for the first time in a long time.

It was days like today that I missed her the most. I needed my mom to hold me and tell me that everything would be okay, that I didn't deserve what Kody did to me, that I wasn't as worthless as I feel, that I am loved by someone. It killed me to know that I would never have that again.

"I love you, mommy," I whispered like I did when I was younger as I hugged her.

"I love you too, sweetie pie." She pulled away from me. "I almost forgot to tell you! When you see you're father will you have him bring me some new clothes? I'm getting tired of the ones I have here and you know how I am about always looking my best! I tried to call him earlier but he didn't answer. I guess he was busy at work or something." She was smiling as big as can be. My body tensed and a tear escaped my clutches against my will. I felt my lip quivering as it did before I broke down and I dug my fingers into my thighs to try to stop that from happening.

"Yeah, okay Mom, I'll have him do that tomorrow," I barely choked out as I looked down at my hands, keeping my gaze away from hers. We were both silent for a long time as I stared at the ground.