Let Live (An Austin Carlile Love Story)

Epilogue

~Epilogue~

Tyler's P.O.V:

Austin was driving, I didn't know where we were going, he didn't tell me a thing, only pulled me out of the bed, forced me to get dressed, and practically dragged me to the car. I wasn't - I didn't want to go anywhere, not now, not yet, it was still too new, too fresh. I hadn't come to terms with it yet, the fact that my daughter's health was compromised, that one day she could be fine, and the next she could be in trouble, she could be, she could be dead. I was wallowing, I know I was, and I know I shouldn't, it's not fair to anyone, not to me, not to Austin, not to the baby. There was no reason to be upset yet, she was still fine, I was still fine, and there was a possibility that that wouldn't change, that she would come into this world perfectly healthy, but I couldn't focus on that, not right now. I was trying, believe me I was, but all that would run through my mind was the what if's. What if it's not okay, what if something goes wrong, what if she - what if she is taken from me, from us, before we even had a chance to really have her?

Austin, he was being strong, he was being the rock that I should be, but I couldn't make myself be strong yet. But he was there, he always was, always had been, as long as I've known him. He's helping, more than he thinks he is, more than I tell him he is. Having him around, having him near me, to hold me when I feel like crying, to say something stupid when I want to smile, it makes things better, it really does, and I don't know what I would do without him.

I watched out the window, my forehead pressed against the glass, watching as the other cars flew by, different colors, different shapes and sizes, it was distracting, pulling me in, hypnotizing me. Sometimes it felt like I wasn't even here anymore, that I was somewhere else, watching my life play out before my eyes; I was numb, I hated being numb, it had been happening too often lately, and it was getting old, real fast, and for once I had hoped that something would go right, that the most important thing in my life would work out, but, as I should know by now, we don't always get what we wish for.

"What are you thinking about?" Austin questioned, his voice breaking through the silence that was present in the car. He knew, of course he did, he wasn't stupid, he knew what was on my mind, what was bothering me. I sighed, my shoulders rising and falling as I inhaled and exhaled; I didn't respond, I didn't know what to say that he didn't already know. His hand reached over and squeezed my thigh gently, and I lolled my head to the side to look at him, catching his eyes with mine as I did so. "You know that everything will be fine, right?" I wish, I wish I knew that, I wish I could believe his words, but it was so hard. 

I looked away from him, his grip on my thigh only tightening. "Where are we going?" I ignored his question, his reassuring statement, because I didn't know how to respond. I couldn't lie to him, I couldn't pretend like this wasn't killing me, because it was.

"You'll see eventually," he responded, and from my periphery I couldn't help but notice a smirk grace his lips. Normally I would press the issue, beg for him to tell me, but nothing was normal anymore, and I didn't have the energy to further question him.

The car ride didn't last much longer, and as I felt the car roll to a stop I focused my gaze on the builiding in front of us, the purple 'Babies R Us' sign illuminating the cloudy sky. What Austin was up to I had no idea, whether he was trying to cheer me up or what, but I was interested, I wanted to go back home, to crawl back in bed where I felt safe, where I felt like my baby was free from harm.

I didn't move from the seat, didn't even budge, but that wasn't stopping Austin, he was obviously on a mission. He stepped out of the car and hurried over to my side, yanking the door open and leaning in to unbuckle my seatbelt, as if I was incapable of doing it myself, which at this point I kind of was. He grabbed my hands a pulled me from the car against my will, but I couldn't stop him, he was much stronger than me. His arm wrapped around my body, pulling me into him as we walked into the store. Seeing all of the baby stuff, the other pregnant women, the women carting their babies around, it made me sad, made all of my fears come rushing back. I groaned and Austin heard me, pausing as his hands latched onto a cart.