Let Live (An Austin Carlile Love Story)

Not Much Here Outweighs the Pain

Okay, Okay. You guys win! Here's another chapter for you all! I cancelled plans for this, you guys! But I wanted to write it as well :D

I wrote this chapter with the help of Sydney, like I do so many times, but this time she helped more than she thinks she does, so she deserves credit for this too! So that's why this chapter is once again dedicated to her! I wouldn't have posted another one today without her help. So thank you :D

<3 Vote, Comment, I love it all!

Tyler's P.O.V:

"Babe, come one, will you please just come inside? You haven't been to a show all week." Austin whined, trying to convince me. I didn't budge from my spot on the couch, I didn't move. I just stared, not at him, but through him. The panic had faded, the depression sunk back in. I was miserable, I was a mess, everyone knew it, but still no one knew why. I was guarding that secret with my life. I tossed out lie after lie - I had a headache, my stomach hurt, it was that time of the month; anything and everything I could think of to cover up the truth, to cover up what had really caused me to act this way. 

"No, I'm gonna stay here. I'm sorry, I'm just - I just wanna be alone for a while," I mumbled in response. His eyes were sad. I knew it was killing him to see me this way. He knew I was hiding something, that I wasn't telling the truth, they all did, especially Aaron. He would ask me about it every once in a while, trying to get me to spill the beans, but I didn't; I kept it hidden deep inside, let it rip me apart, but it was better than telling everyone, it was better than having everyone hate me. I couldn't stand that, if that were to happen. I didn't know what I would do.

This wasn't fair, this shouldn't have happened. I should've done something, I should've seen the signs that he was being a little too friendly. Or maybe I was the one being too friendly. He said so himself, he said he 'saw the way I smiled at him.' Maybe it was my fault, maybe I did this to myself, maybe I had it coming to me for the way I acted. That's how everyone would see it, that I had egged him on, that I was the cause of all of this, that I deserved it.

And that's why no one could know.

"Tyler, I'm - I'm worried about you."

"Austin, I'm fine, I just wanna stay here and take a nap or something," I responded, looking away from him.

"That's all you've been doing is sleeping. You're scaring me, baby." I could tell he was worried, it was written all over him. I felt bad, I really did, but he couldn't know. I sat up, and flashed him the best fake smile I could.

"Hey, I'll be okay. Stop worrying, I'm just still not feeling very good. But go do your show, sing your heart out; I'll be here, I'll be fine. I'm just going to take a shower and watch some TV or something, alright. I'll be here when it's over. I'll go to the next show, alright." I was trying my best to sound reassuring; I had gotten good at lying, at faking happiness, at pretending like all was just fine and dandy. It was starting to come naturally, the ability to make something up on the fly.

He walked over and squatted in front of me, grabbing my face in his hands. I tensed a little, still somewhat uncomfortable with the intimate guesture; if he noticed he didn't show it, he didn't let go of my face. I took a deep breath and calmed my nerves; Austin would never hurt me, I know that, that wasn't even what it was about, not at all. "You said that yesterday, you know?" He tried to look me in the eyes, but I wouldn't let him, I couldn't let him see how truly broken I was.

"I know, I'm sorry. Just - just go to your show, okay?" I was pleading with him to leave, I needed to be alone. He let out a deep sigh and leaned in, kissing my forehead, his warm, soft lips lingering there.