Let Live (An Austin Carlile Love Story)

...But That's Alright Because I Love the Way You Lie

Tyler's P.O.V:

I wasn't sure how long I had been asleep, but it was dark now. I stepped out of the bunk and walked to the bathroom. I stared at myself in the mirror for a while. I had cried more than I remembered, the evidence splashed all over my features; my eyes were swollen and red, the color drained from the rest of my puffy face. I splashed cool water on my face and pulled my wavy hair into a bun on top of my head. I walked back out of the bathroom and over to the bunk, grabbing my purse and digging through it until I found my glasses. I leaned my back against the bunk and stared at the ceiling, my mind blank. An idea sparked in my mind and I proceeded to climb up the bunks until I reached the roof hatch; I unlocked it and pushed it open, forcing myself through the small opening until I was on top of the bus.

I sat facing away from the venue and pulled my knees to my chest, resting my chin on top of them as I stared into the star-covered night sky. In this direction there were no buildings, no city lights to disrupt my view. All that sat before me was a massive expanse of emptiness. I wrapped my arms around my legs and shivered as the wind picked up sending chills throughout my body; I hadn't thought about a jacket, but I was too content to go get one.

The bus shifted as someone entered it. Once again I was too content to make any effort to see who it was. I remained where I was, staring into the vast nothingness before me as a single tear slid down my cold cheek. I faintly heard my name being yelled from inside the bus; it was Aaron's voice. I could hear his footsteps as they got closer and closer, and I felt the bus move as he climbed the bunks, just as I had done. I turned around a little just as he poked his head up. He smiled at me; it was a sad smile, a knowing smile. I shot him a quick one back before redirecting my attention to the stars. "Just wanted to check on you. I won't bother asking if you're alright because obviously you're not," Aaron said, his compassionate voice filling my ears. "I'll leave you be.......you're not going to jump right?" He asked as he chuckled a little.

A small laugh escaped my throat and I shook my head. "No, Aaron, I'm not going to jump," I responded, although that didn't sound like a half-bad idea.

"Okay, if you need something you know where to find me," he said softly before he ducked down into the bus and wandered off, leaving me alone with my thoughts once again. I rubbed my hands over my arms as the wind once again grazed my skin, goosebumps appearing on my body.

It wasn't long before I heard footsteps approaching yet again as someone climbed the bunks and stepped onto the roof. I didn't bother to look to see who the visitor might be. I knew immediately. The cologne that washed around me was a dead giveaway. Austin walked over to me slowly, stopping next to me. I glanced over at him out of the corner of my eye, and he held out a sweatshirt towards me. I gave a smug smile as I grabbed it from him, slipping it over me. I drowned in the material of Austin's Slipknot sweatshirt, my body warming quickly as I pulled the hood over my head and the sleeves down over my hands. He sat down next to me, keeping a little bit of space between us, and crossed his legs indian style. He rested his elbows on his knees as his hands supported his head.

The tension between us was thick, the silence not yet unbroken as we watched the night sky. "Thank you. For making me get up and go to the show," he said in a shaky voice. I closed my eyes and once again rested my chin on top of my knees. My voice was barely above a whisper when I finally spoke.

"You're welcome. I knew you'd regret it if you missed it." Neither of us spoke for a good 15 minutes after that. I didn't know what to say to him. I knew whatever I would say would make me cry again, and I needed a break from the tears.

"She cheated on me," Austin's voice cut through the uncomfortable silence. "Gielle. She cheated on me." I didn't respond, not yet. "I don't like to talk about it; even though it's been a few years it still hurts. I've tried being angry about it, but it doesn't seem to take the pain away. It just makes everything worse."

"I don't see why you felt like you couldn't tell me. I know what it feels like, Austin. It happened to me too," I replied quietly, focusing on a single, bright star off in the distance.

"That's not the only reason I didn't tell you, Ty. People have accused me of things, of things that I didn't do, citing that as the reason that we divorced. It's all over the internet, rumors that I cheated on her with underage fans." His voice broke a little bit and he paused. "They aren't true, they're just rumors, but still. I guess I was worried that if I told you about her you would read into it and find out those things that people are saying and-" I turned and looked at him for the first time and he stopped speaking.

"You honestly thought that I would believe it?" I was shocked that he felt that way, and my heart started to hurt. He shrugged his shoulders and looked away from me.

"It wouldn't be the first time," he whispered.

"Austin-" he looked over at me once again and I felt a tear roll down my cheek when I noticed the tears welling in his eyes. "I know you well enough not to. And even if it was true it wouldn't matter to me." I scooted next to him and rested one hand on his knee, the other reaching up to brush away the tears from his cheek with the sleeve of his sweatshirt. My green eyes met his chocolate brown ones. "I know there are things from your past that you would rather keep in the past and keep hidden, but you have to talk to me Austin. In order for this relationship to work we have to be honest with each other no matter how much it hurts or how scary it may be. Do you have any idea how many things I've shared with you that I didn't want to, how many times I worried that you would leave me because of something I had once done?" I cupped his cheek with my hand and grazed my thumb over his soft skin like he had done so many times for me. "It wasn't the fact that you had been married that hurt me; what happened before we met doesn't bother me. It was the fact that you hid it from me, and the fact that I found out from someone else when I should've found out from you."

He nodded his head and averted his gaze. "I know. I gave her everything, every part of me, and she ripped me in two. She broke me, and I never have been able to fix myself. I have never been able to feel that way about someone again....." he paused and looked at me again. "Until now. When I met you I felt it again, and it scared me. I was afraid of getting hurt again; I was afraid of losing you." He was being completely and totally honest with me even though it hurt him to do so. Seeing him so vulnerable hurt me, but at the same time made me love him even more than I already did.

"You don't need to worry about that, okay? I love you. I'm not going anywhere. But right now I need you to promise to be honest with me from now on, and I promise to do the same." I stuck my pinky up and gave him a small smile. He smiled back at me and wrapped his pinkie around mine.

"I promise." He brought our fingers to his lips and kissed my small knuckle softly before letting my finger go. I sat up on my knees and grabbed the back of his neck, gently rubbing at his skin as I blinked away a few tears. I leaned forward and kissed him softly, but passionately, my heart fluttering as it always did. I pulled my lips away and leaned my forehead against his.

"You don't need to think about her anymore. You're stuck with me now," I whispered as a smile played at my lips.

"I love you so much," he responded as he kissed my nose.

"I love you, too." He pulled me over in between his legs so my back was resting against his chest. I pulled my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around them, Austin's arms wrapping around my body, his hands meeting mine. I leaned my head back against his chest, and he kissed the side of my head over and over as he held me close to him.

We spent the next few hours before bus call on the roof talking about everything and anything. Once it was time to leave Austin helped me back down into the bus, and for the first night of the tour he skipped the bus party, and instead joined me in our bunk where we cuddled together and fell asleep in each other's arms.

Finally, it seemed like everything was going to be okay.