Let Live (An Austin Carlile Love Story)

Just Gonna Stand There and Watch Me Burn...

Tyler's P.O.V:

I opened my eyes, my head pounding and my ears ringing, confusion sweeping over me. I wasn't in my bed; I don't think I was even on my bus. I sighed deeply and rubbed my face as the memories of last night began to reappear in my mind. I pulled open the curtain of the bunk and stepped out, grabbing onto the bunk above me to steady myself. I shuffled down the short hallway until I reached the front lounge of the bus I was on.

Martin was sitting on the couch drinking a Monster, typing away on his laptop. He looked up and flashed me a smile. "Morning sunshine."

"Mhhmmmm," I muttered out, falling onto the couch next to him. He shut his laptop and set it on the table next to him. He held out his coffee cup towards me offering me some. I grabbed it willingly, taking a long drink of the warm liquid before handing it back to him. "Thanks."

"How are you feeling? Do you remember what happened last night?" He asked, noting how obviously hungover I was. I nodded my head.

"I do now." I paused momentarily. "What time is it?"

"A little after 4," Martin responded and I groaned loudly. I stood up and walked back to the bunk, slipping on my shoes and grabbing my phone from where it was hidden in a mass of blankets, rolling my eyes at the number of missed calls flashing on the screen. I walked back towards the front of the bus. I realized I was still wearing Martin's jacket and I pulled it off, handing it to him. He took it and smiled at me.

"Thanks a lot for what you did last night. I owe you one," I said, smiling as best as I could considering. He nodded at me and we said our goodbyes before I slowly exited the bus, squinting as the bright midday sun burned my sensitive eyes. I shuffled slowly towards the bus, kicking at the dirt and keeping my eyes fixated on the ground below me. I was hoping Austin would be inside the venue already that way I wouldn't have to talk to him right now; I was sad, of course, but for the first time I was truly angry with him, and I didn't like the feeling.

"Tyler! There you are!" I looked up and saw a familiar ginger sprinting towards me, yelling my name. He closed the space between us quickly and wrapped his arms around me tightly. I kept my arms at my side and cringed. "I was fucking worried about you!"

"Please don't yell. It hurts," I groaned and he pulled away and looked at me.

"Good! You scared the shit out of all of us! We had no idea where you were!" He hollered back at me.

"Martin let me crash on their bus last night," I responded as he eyed me. "I'm sure Austin filled you in on our little arguement last night."

"Yeah about that. Listen, Tyler, I know you're pissed at him right now, and you have every right to be, but - you need to go talk to him, like, now!" Alan said quickly.

"No, I'd rather not."

"Tyler, please. He spent all last night getting drunk, and then when you didn't come back he was flipping the fuck out and now- he won't get out of his bunk and he's refusing to play tonight. We can't just cancel the show, Ty. But he won't listen to any of us. He's just moping around." I sighed deeply as I listened to Alan's words. "I'm not saying you guys need to make up or you need to forgive him or anything, but please. Talk some sense into him."

I could feel myself getting more and more angry. How could he even think about doing this to the band? And how about his fans? He had no reason to be upset; he's the one who caused this whole mess. "God damnit," I muttered under my breath as I tore away from Alan and stormed towards the bus. I threw the door open and stomped up the steps earning me confused looks from Tino and Phil who were sitting on the couch watching ESPN. "Out. Now!" I said sternly as I pointed towards the door. At first they didn't budge, but after noticing my serious expression they got up with a huff and made their way off the bus, slamming the door behind them. I continued to stomp loudly as I made my way through the front lounge and into the bunk area. I yanked open the curtain to our bunk; Austin was curled up on his side facing the wall. "Get up," I stated.

He rolled over and looked at me. The expression on his face alone was almost enough to break me, to make me forget why I was mad. He looked so hurt and fragile, something I'd never seen on him before. But I couldn't make myself forget why I was mad; he had lied to me, hid something from me, something that was pretty important. I crossed my arms over my chest as we stared at each other for a moment. "Ty-".

I cut him off. "Stop. Just get up, Austin. You're not going to do this. You're not going to play this whole 'poor me' act, alright?" I knew how angry I was coming across, but I wasn't yet ready to be sad. I still wanted to be angry, at least for a little while longer. "You will not miss this concert and disappoint all of your fans who are waiting for you. So come on. You need to get dressed you have soundcheck in half an hour." I walked off, leaving the curtain to the bunk drawn. After a few moments of hesitation I heard Austin emerge from the bunk and enter the bathroom, the door clicking closed behind him.

I took a seat on the couch and pulled my legs up underneath me as I flipped through channels on the television, not in the mood to watch anything. I was more looking for a distraction than anything. After 20 minutes of watching some True Life episode on MTV I heard Austin approaching me. I didn't acknowledge him, I didn't even look away from the TV. He took a seat on the couch across from me and put his face in his hands. "Where did you go last night?" He questioned after a few moments of silence.

"Doesn't matter," I spat out. He sighed loudly.

"We need to talk, Tyler," he finally said. I glanced at him momentarily before redirecting my gaze to the TV.

"You need to go to soundcheck. You're going to be late," I responded ignoring his previous statement. I knew we needed to talk and we would eventually, but I wasn't ready for that.

"Baby, please," he muttered, his voice laced with sadness. I sighed and looked at him.

"I can't talk about this right now, Austin. I'm still too angry to talk about it. So please, just go to soundcheck and go do your show, and.........we'll talk later." With that I stood up and walked back towards the bunk area. I changed out of my clothes from the night before, pulling on a pair of sweatpants and a tshirt and crawled into our bunk, burying myself under the pile of blankets.

I was already beginning to tire of being angry. I could feel my walls crumbling with every passing moment I spent alone in the bunk, curled up in the fetal position, staring at the pictures that graced the wall of the bunk. I traced lightly over Austin's face in one of the pictures, the picture that Adam had taken of us that very first day of tour. It felt so long ago.

My body started to shake as the tears welled in my tired eyes and I allowed them to fall freely, the anger leaving my body along with them.

Now all I could feel was sadness. I let the feeling overtake me as I cried myself back to sleep.

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Next chapter will most likely be up later tonight!!! :D

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