You Can't Hate Me Forever! (Anti x Schneep)

Anxiety and Unknown Feeling

WARNING:  Anxiety attack, self depressing thoughts, implications of suicide

Anti's pov.

My left eye emits a green light as I use my red strings to open the door. I would open it myself, but it would be too hard with all of this cleaning stuff in my arms. In fact... I use my strings to lift all the things onto the bed before my eye go back to normal. I focus on the disgusting, still damp stain of my insides on the carpet. I don't blame Jamesy for crying after seeing this pool of almost literal shit. My head whips around when I hear a door behind me. I watch as Chase helps the Doc into his room and closes the door behind them. God, I hope I don't hear any moaning... I'm still scarred from that one-shots book on Wattpad. I use my magic to close the door while trying to shake the traumatic memories of late-night fan-fic sessions and screaming into a pillow at the sin my eyes have read.

I jump over the sludge to my dark-oak wood closet and pull it open. I search through the built-in draws until I find what I'm looking for, and pull it out. "There it is! My good friend Hydrogen Peroxide!" I chuckle to myself, tossing the bottle with the rest of the cleaning supplies. Honestly, I wish I had the Doc's help with this, just looking at the mess makes me feel like vomiting again. Perhaps I could sneak into his office and grab one of his surgical masks... wait, but what if one of the others see me and think I'm trying to drug someone. What if they think I'm trying to drug myself?! My mind goes through hundreds of possibilities, my eyes beginning to water and head feeling dizzy. Whether it was from my thoughts or the harsh smell of chemicals and detergent... Well, I couldn't really tell you. My body starts to sway unconsciously. And I step back, tightly gripping the sides of the closet to hold myself up.

My breath quickens, I can't see, my hands and legs are shaking, my heart is jumping, I can't hear.

 Why can't I hear? Please... 

I don't want to go back... I want to stay awake... Am I having another attack? Or is this an episode? 

I want the Doc. He can help me, right? But he hates me, doesn't he? 

This my punishment. He doesn't care. No one does. 

Not Schneep, 

Not Jack,

Not Jameson. 

No one. They all want me dead. They would be happier without me. 

Everyone would be happier without me. Right?

Jameson's pov.

"Schneep should take good care of him. Despite all their arguments, I'm sure they'll be fine."

"Are you sure he'll be okay? It looked awful."

"The vomit?"

"What else? I mean... I don't doubt the Doc's abilities, but what about Anti? There is no doubt they will make him clean it up by himself."

"So why don't you offer to help?" I take a few seconds to think about what Jack said. Maybe offering help will be a good idea... and a good bonding experience. I see Anti as my angsty, goth, but a caring older brother. Even though he scares me sometimes, I respect him and want the best for him. I know he needs someone who cares, and until he finds a boyfriend, I need to give that to him! I look at Jack with a big smile and give him a hug. "I knew you would like that... I've to go record now, so I'll see you later, alright?" I stand up, and we walk to the door together, before we part ways. Jack walking downstairs to his room and me walking to Anti's. Once I make it to his door, my smile turns into a frown since I can hear crying from inside. If I didn't know any better, I would say that he's having an anxiety attack. And I would know, having my fair share of them in the past.

I gently knock on the door before quietly creeping it open. I slide through the small gap before I close it behind me. My face scrunches up at the terrible mix of smells that fill my nose. I quickly come to my senses once I remember the new reason I'm here. I look over to the closet to spot Anti curled up in a loose, shaky ball on the floor. He looks like a mess. Chocolate brown hair sticking up in all directions, cheeks stained with thousands of wet tears, blood-shot eyes shut tightly, and teeth clenched together, chattering. I jump over the patch of damp vomit on the floor and carefully kneel down next to his shaking figure. I reach out my hand and slowly rub his forearm, him flinching when I touch him. "I-I-I don't want to go back there." Anti whispers to me. What is he talking about? Where doesn't he want to go? "I want to stay awake." Confusion fills my mind as I wonder what he means.

Maybe I should take him to the Doc to see if he might know, but I wouldn't want to bother him... Would he even know what Anti means? I'm pretty sure they were in there for a while. Would Anti talk to him about it? I don't know. I continue to rub Anti's arm to give him comfort when he suddenly rolls onto his knees and hugs me tightly. I move my arms to rub his back as he continues to sake and cry on my shoulder.

Schneep's pov.

I notice that Anti's door is open as Chase and I walk into my room. I kind of wish I could help him, but I don't at the same time. He told me about these voices and 'dream' he had while he was unconscious, he told me everything from him wandering through the forest to seeing himself jump. I don't blame him for feeling depressed, with all the things the rest of us have done to him. It wasn't until today that I really understood how all the fighting and name-calling affected him. "So, you wanna talk?"

"Vat about?"

"What happened between you and the glitch?" Chase said like it was obvious, which it was. My face scrunches a little at the nick-name. It just sounds weird now, after getting to chat with him for a bit. "Vat happened between uz, huh? Ju make it zound like ve're dating now." We both laugh a little before it dies down and becomes awkward. "Are you guys... ya know... dating?"
"Vat? Nein! I vaz joking Chase!!" He starts to laugh hysterically, while I let out a small chuckle. It kind of takes me back to when we were in high school. Just joking around under the large tree. Talking about our crushes and talking shit about teachers we didn't like. Those were much better times... before we got married... and they spiraled... I shake off the thought and think about what Anti and I talked about in my office. "So, what really happened?"

"Vell... avtah I viped off ze vomit and blood, he voke up," I decide to push the memory of the weird trance to the back of my head and definitely out of anything I say. "Avtah I vinished cleaning him up, I got him to talk avout vat happened, and vat could have caused it."

"And?"

"Turns out, it vas a very nasty depressive episode."

"Yikes, dude. I didn't know that was possible."

"He alzo zaid zome more, but I should talk to him a little more virst. Ja?"

"That seems like a good thing to do... so why were you two laughing?" Chase asks with a smug look on his face. Does he actually think I have a thing for Anti? Bullshit. "A lot happened. I juzt have to talk to him a bit more so I can be sure ov ze symptoms."

"I won't lie doc, you make it sound like you like him."

"Das ist Quatsch und du weißt es!"

"You do! You liiiiikeeeee hiiiiimmmm~."

"Hör jetzt auf! Das ist schwachsinn!"

Chase pauses briefly before laughing hysterically, and I feel my face heat up like crazy. I honestly don't know why I'm getting so defensive. "Okay, okay. I'll stop now. But you probably shouldn't get so flusterd if the others ask about it. They'd think that you actually do have a crush on him."

"Yeah, yeah." Chase opened his mouth to say something when the door suddenly creaked open, and Jameson's head peaked around. "Ummm... Sorry to interrupt, but Anti's having a panic attack."