crash ↠ hood au.

20%

+ maegan

I don't know how long I sat in silence for, but I felt my heart beating in my ears. The crying- sobbing- had subsided, and now all I was doing was taking shaky breaths.

In.

Out.

I figured that I could just blow off my schedule today (The schedule wasn't really much. All I had planned to do was record a Question and Answer video for the YouTube channel, edit it, and upload it). It seemed pretty much useless to do that now, and making a YouTube video was the least of my worries at the moment.

I had finally gained enough strength to get up from the deserted alley way of Sydney and go to Luke's. It wouldn't be a long journey; he, conveniently, lived a couple of blocks away from where I currently was. I started my trek to his house, a few tears escaping my eyes as I near it.

Once I reach the door step, I knock on the door, soon coming face to face with Liz Hemmings. 

"Maegan," Liz says out of pure shock. I force a smile, which probably came out more like a grimace, as she lead me in. "What happened, oh my gosh, you look terrible!" 

"It's a, uh, long story," I reply, trying to prevent my voice from cracking at the end of the sentence, but failing miserably. 

Liz looks at me, a sad glint in her eyes, as she begins to speak. "Luke's out with Michael and Ashton right now, but you're welcome to stay in his room and wait until he gets back." She offers me a small smile, in which I return slightly. I nod and turn to trot up the stairs and into Luke's familiar room.

I pull my phone out from my back pocket and walk over to Luke's chest, where he keeps his pink speakers. I plug them into my phone and open the music app. I scroll down until I find the song, "Miserable At Best" by Mayday Parade- one of my favorites. I set my phone down beside the speaker and walk over to Luke's bed. Plopping down onto his comfortable mattress, I nuzzle my face into the pillow as Derek Sanders' heavenly voice rings through out the room.

"Katie, don't cry. I know you're trying your hardest, and the hardest part is letting go of the nights we shared. Ocala is calling, and you know it's haunting. But compared to your eyes, nothing shines quite as bright. And when we look to the sky, it's not mine, but I want it so."

I've always loved Mayday Parade, and how their songs were so relatable. This song has always been one of my favorite songs of all time, and I can't think of a better one that fits the situation that I am in at this very moment.

"Let's not pretend like you're alone tonight. (I know he's there, and) You're probably hanging out and making eyes. (while across the room, he stares.) I'll bet he gets to walk the floor and ask my girl to dance, and she'll say yes. Because these words were never easier for me to say, or her to second guess. That I can't live without you, but without you, I'll be miserable at best."

I sniffle slightly as the song continues, my heart quickening and swelling with sadness and disappointment.

"You're all that I'd hoped I'd find in every single way. And everything that I would give is everything you couldn't take. 'Cause nothing feels like home, you're a thousand miles away. And the hardest part of living is just taking breaths to stay. 'Cause I know I'm good for something, I just haven't found it yet. But I need it. So, let's not pretend like you're alone tonight. (I know he's there, and) You're probably hanging out and making eyes. (while across the room, he stares.) I'll bet he gets to walk the floor and ask my girl to dance, and she'll say yes. Because these words were never easier for me to say, or her to second guess. That I can't live without you, but without you, I'll be miserable at best. Ladada ladada ladadaoh ohhh."

I inhale quickly, as this part of the songs always gets me, and being to sing along sadly.

"And this'll be the first time in a week that I'll talk to you, and I can't speak. It's been three whole days since I've had sleep, cause I dream of his lips on your cheek. And I got the point that I should leave you alone, but we both know that I'm not that strong, and, I miss the lips that made me fly."

I sigh heavily and choke on the words slightly, letting the song finish as I begin to soak Luke's pillow with salty tears. It is this time in space that I realize how pathetic I am. I mean really, I'm crying over a guy I knew I never had a chance with. 

Pathetic, pathetic, pathetic.

I shake my head as my body racks with sobs. This isn't happening, this isn't happening. Maybe this is a dream? A nightmare? Calum and Madison can't be dating, they can't. 

I loved him, I loved him, I loved him. And I still love him. I love him.

Fuck.

"Maegan?" I hear Luke's familiar, soothing voice speak from the doorway. I don't speak as he enters and I feel the bed sink near me as he sits down.

"Are you okay? Why are you listening to sad music? You never listen to sad music? What happened?" Luke asked, sounding very sincere about the whole thing.

"Can I please listen to my depressing Mayday Parade songs in peace, Lucas," I reply deadly. 

"It's Calum isn't it?" Luke asks after a long period of silence.

He takes my sudden silence as a yes.

"Fucking hell, I'm gonna kill him," Luke mutters under his breath, and I turn around to face him.

"Did you know?" I asked, my voice coming out more frail as I wanted it to. 

"About what?" Luke asked, clearly confused.

"About Calum and Madison. About how they're dating," I replied, my voice cracking at the end.

"Oh, babe," Luke says as he pulls me into his lap, allowing me to cry into his shoulder.

"I'm sorry," I state after a while.

"For what?" Luke questions as he draws irregular shapes onto my back.

"Getting your shirt and your pillow wet," I reply, gesturing towards his pillow as I wipe the remaining tears from my cheeks.

"Don't worry about it," he replies, smiling softly at me. I return the gesture as he speaks up. "Hey, Maegan?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't ever give up on someone that you can't go a full day without thinking about. I don't want you to give up on Calum."

"I won't."

"Promise?"

"Promise."