To Love Somebody

17. anagapesis

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anagapesis - no longer feeling any affection for someone you once loved

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Zander quickly powered his phone off. The text from Misha remained unread. She wanted to meet up for lunch. He ignored it and didn't bother replying.

Sighing, he put the phone on the table before picking up the menu.

"Do you know what you're going to get?"

He glanced up at Natalie before looking down at the menu.

She gave a short laugh as he ignored her. "Are you still mad that the case was delayed for another two weeks?"

"It's not about the case." He mumbled before he focused his attention back on the menu, skimming through as he decided on what to order.

Natalie shook her head as she reached for her lemonade. She took a small sip before she spoke again.

"Do you still love her?" She asked but she was afraid of the answer. Truthfully, she wasn't even sure what exactly it was between the two of them. And now, now that Misha was pregnant, Natalie knew that whatever it was, it was going to be over soon.

She was the one who'd be getting pushed aside.

Zander and Misha, their baby, the perfect little family. And Natalie, no one would bother with her feelings for Zander.

The love she had for him, she knew he truly didn't care.

"Do you still love Misha?" She asked again. Even though she was afraid of the answer, she just needed to know where she stood in his life.

"She's having my baby." Zander hesitated. Everything, he was unsure. He did love Misha, didn't he? He always had. He had to love her, didn't he?

Natalie let out a dry laugh, laced with the fear and heartbreak she knew she was setting herself up for.

"But what does that have to do with loving her?" Her voice rose. She tried to hide the irritation in her voice. But there also was an unspoken fear - the fear that she'd be pushed aside.

As though she meant nothing to him. As though whatever it was between the two of them meant absolutely nothing.  

"Natalie." He gritted. "Stop."

"What am I to you?" She pushed, begging for an answer. She had to mean something to him. He couldn't just keep stringing her along for the hell of it. 

"God, I get it. She was first, she is still first and you'll always love her. But what about me? What do you even feel for me?" Her eyes flooded with heavy tears and her voice wavered. "I don't want to be second anymore." 

Natalie crossed her arms, folding them across her chest as she heaved. Why'd she have to fall in love? Of all people, why did she have to fall in love with him?

A man who already belonged to someone else. 

"Do you expect me to just sit and pretend? Am I supposed to keep pretending? One second you say you want me, that I'm the one you want. But then you go home and lay with her? What am I supposed to do? Sit back and watch you play house with her?"

She sat up straight and leaned forward. This time, her voice was a whisper. She was ready to give up.

She couldn't keep loving a man who felt nothing for her. 

"It's so easy for you to pretend like nothing has happened between us. But what about me, what about my feelings?" 

She wiped the mascara-stained tears from her face. Reaching for her wallet, she grabbed a few dollar bills.

"I should go. I'm not really hungry anymore."

Zander's icy blue eyes met her, cold enough to freeze her broken heart.

He laughed, apathetically, before shaking his head. 

"I'm not ready." He mumbled. His voice betraying the confusion he truly felt. 

And he finally admitted it, admitted to the single thought that had been chipping at him for the past few weeks. 

"I'm not ready to become a father." 

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"Hi." Misha exclaimed before plopping down on the seat across from Nathan.

He raised an eyebrow, acknowledging her as she picked out the onions from the spaghetti dish she'd ordered.

"Onions are gross." She mumbled as she put them in the corner of the plate before she began eating. "What are you reading?"

She finally noticed the red textbook he had in front of him.

Nathan marked the page before he shut the book. "I just...I don't even know."

His voice was strained, the stress from the long hours seemed to be catching up to him. "Sometimes I feel like I don't know what I'm doing. I feel like I don't know anything."

He drummed his fingers against the textbook he'd been reading. "Like I went through all this school, I put in so much yet, yet I still...I don't know."

"I wouldn't say that." She mumbled, stuffing another spoon into her mouth. "My mom loves you. She thinks you're one of the smartest people she's ever met. No one's ever challenged her like you have. And you've only been here a few months. Besides, it's just residency. You slowly get a hold of things."

She smiled at him, her brown eyes sparkling. "Things just take time."

Nathan laughed. "You're going to inflate my ego, Misha." 

He reached over and picked up an onion from her plate. "But thanks. I mean it." 

"Eww." Misha made a face as he ate it and then rubbed his stomach.

"Yummy."

"Ugh." She pretended to gag. "That's just gross."

"How's the morning sickness?" Nathan changed the topic. He asked as he took note of her rosy cheeks.

She shrugged before stuffing another spoon into her mouth again. "Who knew having a baby was so hard?" 

From the mood swings to the sudden changes in her appetite, she was sure she was driving Zander crazy. 

"It's only been what? Eleven weeks?"

She nodded, pouting her lip. 

A soft smile graced her lips as she played with her hands. She gently placed a hand over her stomach, something that had easily a habit.

It was her bundle of joy. Hers and Zanders. 

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November 23, 2019 2:47 PM

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next chapter - 367 votes

thanks for reading :) next chapter is the last one for part 1!