To Love Somebody

09. tacenda

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tacenda - things better left unsaid; matters to be passed over in silence

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Natalie played with her food. She'd taken only a few bites from the large pasta she'd ordered. It was okay but she was too occupied with her thoughts.

"Sasha said you were a lawyer."

She glanced at Erik, some random guy her roommate had set her up with it.

And the dinner already had to be one of most awkward dates she'd ever been on.

"It's okay. Quite demanding." She spoke only a few words, answering whatever useless questions he asked her, pretending to be interested in their conversation.

They most certainly wouldn't be going on another date.

No matter how much she tried, she couldn't forget what had happened earlier that afternoon.

She couldn't forget the feel of his soft lips against hers.

She didn't want to forget that. Especially not when the kiss made her feel giddy, and desired, and tempted.

Yet there were other things she wished to forget. Like how he'd pushed her away. The look of regret and confusion, disbelief on his face as she'd quickly glanced at him before running out of the room.

Those things, she wanted to forget.

And despite all that, she didn't feel a single hint of remorse. She didn't regret it one bit.

"You know, I'm not feeling so good." She opened her wallet, pulling out a few bills. "This should cover my half."

She gave Eric, apologizing for being a bad date.

It just wasn't his fault.

It was Zander's.

Because no matter how much she tried, she just couldn't stop thinking about Zander.

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Zander sat on the sofa, staring into space. Work files were scattered in front of him, messily placed on the coffee table.

So many things he had to do. So many things he needed to do. But he couldn't focus.

Not when he was riddled with guilt.

Zander opened the top button of his shirt, sighing as he tried to calm down, to relax a bit. But he couldn't.

It had been one hell of a day.

He immediately tensed as Misha sat down next to him, a bucket of strawberry ice cream in her hands. In a way, he'd been avoiding her since he'd first come home.

"How was work?" She smiled, stuffing a spoon of ice cream into her mouth.

Zander swallowed, nervously. He wanted to say something.

Maybe tell her the truth.

"I...It." His voice hoarse as he trailed off, unable to figure out what he should say.

Natalie had kissed him. He didn't know how or why it has happened.

But he hadn't wanted it.

Not one bit.

"It was okay." He bit down, rolling his lower lip as she reached for the TV remote, humming.

That was all he could say.

"The case is good?"

Zander leaned forward, pushing aside the papers on the coffee table and placing his feet on the table instead.

"Yea, it's okay."

"Okay, so you know how I told my sister was dating some guy she met online?" Misha smiled at him, simply mistaking his jumpy behavior as stress because of the case he was working. She started narrating the conversation she'd had with her sister, earlier that day.

Zander wasn't listening. The irritation was eating away at him and he just couldn't find it in him to pay attention.

Not when the guilt was filling him up.

He watched as she continued smiling, laughing, making a big deal out of the short story she was telling.

He could stare at her forever. Whenever she laughed or smiled, like that, he could spend forever, just looking at her.

He knew it. He loved her.

Zander did love her, more than anything.

But he was scared to say something, even though he wanted to tell her the truth.

He was afraid. Afraid of what she would say. Afraid of what she might do. And more than anything, he was afraid of hurting her.

"Misha?" He hesitantly spoke as she stopped talking, placing the bucket of ice cream that she'd been eating on the table instead.

His lips parted as he willed himself to say something, to say anything. What had happened with Natalie was a mistake, a mistake that he shouldn't have let happen. And he would make sure it would never happen again.

Yet again, he didn't say anything.

Instead he leaned in, pressing his lips against her. His hands immediately in her hair as he pulled her closer. The taste of strawberry, the familiar feel of her lips, this was what he wanted.

It was all he wanted. She was what he wanted. She was who he loved. She was all he needed and cared about.

He kissed her, a little harder this time, trying to reaffirm it. He needed to confirm it, for himself and to her.

"I love you." Zander mumbled against her, his hands all over her, playing with the straps of her dress as he pressed her against the couch. "God Misha, I love you so much."

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July 15, 2018 12:55 PM