To Love Somebody

08. akrasia

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akrasia - lack of self-control; state of mind in which someone acts against their better judgment through weakness of will

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Natalie offered Spencer a small smile as he walked out of Zander's office. She'd waited a few minutes, not wanting to interrupt their meeting.

"How's the case?" Spencer turned, pausing to talk to her instead.

She nodded, not offering much else. "Good so far."

He raised an eyebrow, smirking. "Really? Nothing else? Most of the other lawyers always say something about Zander being a pain in the ass to work with."

She chuckled lightly, shaking her head. "He's okay so far."

"He's good to learn from." Spencer shoved his hands into his pockets, his eyes set on hers as she nervously crossed her arms.

His gaze on her and for a brief second she wished she would've noticed him first. Him, not Zander.

She smiled again. Natalie knocked on the door, waiting for Zander to tell her to come in just as Spencer turned around to walk again.

Almost hesitantly, he turned around, facing her again.

"Wait Natalie, I was wondering. Maybe if you wanted to go out sometime? I mean if I could take you out to dinner?"

She looked at him, raising an eyebrow.

He could offer her the same things as Zander could, if not more.

"Maybe" Her cheery lips quirked up as she shrugged before entering Zander's office and leaving Spencer behind.

She wasn't interested in Spencer. It was Zander. Just Zander, for some reason. 

Zander quickly looked up, up from the report he was reading. He didn't say anything as she sat down across the table from him.

"I made the meeting for this Friday. 10 AM." Her voice shining with confidence. The confidence that has slowly built up over the past few weeks as she'd worked up him.

"Great." He sounded rather dull. Uninterested, utterly bored.

"Are you okay?" Natalie stared at Zander, looking away only when he looked up from his report, acknowledging her for a few mere seconds.

"I'm fine."

"You don't sound fine." She leaned against her chair, offering him a slight smile. She was clearly aware that something wasn't fine.

Zander looked at her, frustration clear on his face. Shrugging, almost irritated, he pushed the report he'd been reading aside.

"I'm just tired. And Stressed"

"About the case? It can't be that bad." Natalie tried reassuring him, as he shrugged again, shaking his head in disbelief.

"Easy for you to say."

She smiled, shaking her head as she stood up. Walking around, closer to him so she was standing behind him, she placed her hands against his shoulders, rubbing small circles, trying to ease his tension. "You'll be fine Zander. We still have weeks before the first hearing. That's more than enough time to prepare for the case."

"What are you doing?" His voice wavered, a slight hint of weakness.

Natalie paused, slowly removing her hands as he tensed, leaning forward to put some distance between them.

"Natalie?" Zander swirled his chair around, standing up as she took a step back.

"I...sorry. I just...you seemed stressed so I..." Her voice trailed off, his gaze intense and set on her. Sharp blue eyes set at her.

"It's fine." He dismissed her, leaning against the desk. Zander ran a hand through his hair, sighing as he wished the case was done already.

"I just. I really need to win this case."

Natalie noted the vulnerability laced in his voice. And how for the first time, he seemed everything but confident.

"Did Spencer say anything?" She inquired, her curiosity getting a hold of her.

"No. He's trying to help me out. But it's so fucking stupid." Zander huffed before sucking on his lower lip. "I've worked my ass off the last three years. I'm still not a partner. And now? It depends on one case. Either I get it or I don't."

Natalie smiled softly, trying to reassure him.

"Don't say that." She nodded as he looked at her. "This case doesn't define you. I mean, you've already achieved so much."

"Everyone looks up to you. Even Spencer agrees." She took a small step towards him.

"You're incredibly smart, Zander. You pick up on the smallest details. You're quick, you know how to say the right things. And you'll be a partner in no time. I can't even think of who deserves it more than you."

"Maybe you?" Zander playfully teased her. "I mean, your first year and everyone already smitten with you."

Natalie pushed a few stray hairs behind her ear, her cheeks rosy red.

This is why she wished for Zander, for Zander and not Spencer or Chris or Jackson, the guy her roommate had tried to help set her up with.

It was all because Zander made her feel like this. Just something that was enough.

"Not you though." She retorted, flashing him a coy smile as she took another small step towards him. Taking their conversation in an entirely new direction.

"Maybe everyone but not you."

And maybe that was why he intrigued her more than any of the other lawyers.

Natalie paused, slowly realizing how close she was standing to him. She took a sharp breath, her heart beating rapidly, her gaze flickering to his lips.

Her eyes focused as he swallowed, almost as if he became aware of how the air around them had changed.

Her eyes snapped back to his and the minute he looked at her, she knew it.

She wanted it more than ever. And before he could say anything, she kissed him. Standing on her toes, learning, she placed her lips against his. '

And she wasn't sure if she imagined or not. Hell, maybe she was just imagining.But she didn't care. 

Because for a second, he kissed her back. 

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June 27, 2018 7: 29 PM