Sick

Useless

Seokjin's pov

3 days. Three damn, shall I say it, fucking days! It's been 3 whole days since an anonymous child kidnapper stole my child from me. The police were useless, Namjoon's parents were useless, even Namjoon himself was damn useless. There had been no progess whatsoever. Whenever we go in to check they tell us 'they're working on it' ....bullshit! Pure bullshit, they're not doing anything. Nobody is! My poor little baby is still in the hands of a stranger, wearing the same clothes, an unwashed face, teeth not brushed, tearful eyes and confused beyond his capacity.

I was slowly losing my mind. And I knew it. I haven't slept a solid 6 hours in the past three days. How the hell could I? Not when he was still out there. Every day millions of thoughts roamed through my mind, trying to think about who could've taken him but nothing came to mind. I knew nobody here was going to help. Everybody said the same thing "We'll find him" "don't worry" " Eat something you'll feel better" in reality I wouldn't. How can I relax and eat when the person I was suppose to be looking over, making sure that they ate and that they were alright was out there alone.

The days now mainly consisted of me sitting in our room with my phone in my hand overthinking and slowly turning insane by the second. Sometimes I would go to the kitchen and get water or Namjoon would bring it to me but other than that I didn't leave the room.

"Hey Jinnie." Namjoon's voice ecos through the room. He sets a plate of steak and mashed potatoes and a tall glass of water on the table in the room. My stomach turns as I look at the food.

"How are you feeling?" I dont answer. Why should I? It was unfair, yes but he knew how I felt, why the hell does he feel the need to ask.

I know I've been mistreating him the past few days. I've been harsh and ignoring him, but nonetheless he still made an effort. A part of my mind belived strongly that he did that cause he understood me better than I understood myself. And truthfully he did but I didn't deserve his compassion.

He lies down on the bed to my side and places his face in the crook of my neck. The slow breathing rhythm he produced was soothing in some way. Who was I kinding, it always is, it's just my mood that's getting in the way.

"Let's go somewhere."

I answer his sudden request with loud obnoxious sigh. "No Namjoon."

"Oh we're going. Come on. Up." He says as a matter of fact.

"Namjoon I really dont want to move at all right now, please don't."

Namjoon seemes to not listen and pulls my frame off of the bed. Times like this I wish I had some strength to my body mass so that I could fight back but behold I only sported noodle arms.

Namjoons stands me up avoiding my pissed face and pulls me towards the door.

"Namjoon please. I don-" "Jin just trust me." And with that simple line I toss all my arguments aside and let him do what he wanted to do.

A few minutes later we're cruising down the road. I have no idea where he's taking me but who cares. The drive took about 5 more minutes. Halfway there I figured out where it was that we were actually going. To that dumb lake we visited a few days.
Why would he, in his right mind bring me here of all places. This place was just an orgy or good memories but now I resent them all and guilt creeps up my spin faster than I can role my eyes.

He parks the SUV close to where it was the last time we came here. After that he just sits. The silence in the small space with the windows up is so annoying that it irritates my whole body.

"Can we please go home?" I ask nicely trying not to bust a blood vessel.

"You don't even know why I brought you here!" He defends looking towards me. I dont look back.

"Alright enlightem me then." I request.

"The attitude in your tone is bitter." He states.

"Gee I wonder why."

"Jin I brought you here so we could talk."

Those words again. A loud sigh escapes my body, this was ridiculous.

"What more do you want to talk about Namjoon?"

"About you, about everything."

"What do you mean?"

"About Jimin Jin." He finally says.

I feel the tears prick the back of my eyes like they're acid.

"Is that why you fucking brought me here Namjoon!" I snap back. "To talk about our kidnapped possibly dead son? That's why!? Jesus fucking christ you're unbelievable, why on earth would I want to discuss how bad a parent I was and how I messed up. I know it was my fault. And I know I can't fucking do anything anything about it. I'm fucking useless just like I was at the damn park. The fact that I'll never see him again. I'll never touch his sweet little face again or run my hand through his gorgeous blond hair, I'll never see him smile again, nobody's going to call me papa or tell me they're hungry." I couldn't take it anymore. I didn't want to look at Namjoon. I didnt want to talk so I flee.

Opening the car door I rush out, not knowing where to go at all. I just keep running with the hot tear stained on my face colliding with the wind.

"Jin!?" I hear behind me. Namjoon's hot on my trail. I don't stop, ignoring his cries and just keep running, tripping and almost falling as I do so.

I dont know how or when but in a matter of seconds big strong arms that I was all to familiar with embrace me and stop me from breaking away. I try to fight my way out of his grip. "No! Lemme go." I plead

I keep fighting back pushing against his chest while my eyes shut themselves tightly. "No!"

Namjoon swiftly grabs my hands and pulls them out of the way so that he can connect his body to mine. After a few seconds of struggling I'm stopped entirely by a hitch in his voice. The hitch is followed by a sniffle, loud enough that it stops me completely. I open my eyes and lift my head to look at his face.

Everything comes crashing down as I glance at Namjoon's face. Guilt, sadness, fear, shock all of those feelings get hightened and weigh me down. I realise what I was doing was actually hurting him too. Probably killing him inside since he had to stay strong for me and my ways. I forgot that he also had feelings too and that they mattered. I've only been focussing on my own emotions selfishly.

Seeing Namjoon's face broken illuminated something inside me. His eyes were watering more than mine, the look of pure sadness and worry created by his eyebrows killed me inside at the same time. How come I've been so blind. He's been hurting too.

"Namjoon..." I say softly taking his cheeks in my hands softly.

He lowers his head and rest it on my shoulder. We stand there in the middle of the large field as we embrace each other. Nothing can be heard but the sound of the wind and our wails as we depended on each other for comfort.

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Broken that's what we are now.

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Thank you sooooo much for reading. I appreciate it!!!!
Song recommendation: Napkin by Riz la vie