Sick

Lustful frustration

Seokjin's pov

Almost two months later. After christmas. Things hadn't progressed the way I thought or rather hoped it would. Namjoon and I both returned to work and tried going about our normal days as normal as we could. It wasn't the same honestly. There were no further leads in the investigation. I wasn't surpised in the least.

As for Namjoon and I, we hardly spoke that much. We were fine with being together practically and realistically but there were still holes we could never again fill in our relationship and our situation. The two of us tried our best to cheer each other up as best as we could. It worked sometimes but on most times it resulted to petty fights, slouching, giving cold shoulders, silent treatments and sometimes even physical fights. This would mostly be when I would breakdown and start getting heated from a small comment or action Namjoon did.

It's been really bad to the point where I've even felt like I was drugged and turned towards selling my body in exchange to forget my feelings and issues for some relief. It's quite insane to think you're whoring yourself to your own husband. However that's what it felt like. In those instances I'd hurt myself in the process emotionally and purposefully. I knew Namjoon didn't like that as well. He was trying too. Trying so hard to calm me down nomatter what it took, nomatter what I asked of him.

I've even taken advantage of him on some occasions. I'm not proud of it, I'll admit, but my emotions were riled up and got the better of me. I've pushed him down or pinned him against the sink or wall sometimes demanding that we have sex. Thinking about it now. I still wonder about how it hurt him as well.

.
.
.

It's night time now. I got home pretty early and tried to start dinner. Someone had to do it otherwise we'd both starve with the lack of motivation and my husband's deplorable kitchen skills. I open up two frozen pre-cooked meals and place them in the microwave. Then prepare a small mixed veggie salad and add it to it. I keep Namjoon's in the microwave for him to eat later and head to the living room to eat mine infront of the TV. It really didn't seem necessary to have family dinners since we were practically no longer a family. Even if I would want to eat together, Namjoon doesn't come home early nowerdays. He stays out doing god knows what. I don't blame him but at the same time I do.

Usually I wouldn't opt for watching TV, I was too busy but with the free time now I find it to be the most relaxing distraction. Having the telly on cancels out the fact that the house is much more quiet than it use to be.

Almost two and a half hours later a knocking from the front door echoes through the room. I check the peep hole and see nothing but still decide to open it.

After I do, two male bodies come into view. One slightly taller and the other shorter.

The shorter gives me a small sympathetic smile. "Hey Jin."

"Errr.." is all I can say.

The scene before me consists of Namjoon sitting on the ground in his suit barely able to keep his eyes open and Jungkook trying to get him to stand up. 'Geez'

"What happened?" I ask even though i knew all too well.

"He had one too many drinks." He says as he pulls his brother up.

"Were you drinking together?"

"No, he called me about half an hour ago to pick him up and told me not to tell you." Jungkook says laughing slightly.

He walks steadily into the house with the drunk on his arm. I pick up Namjoon's bag and coat and shut the door.

After Jungkook finished putting his brother to bed he appologises on his behalf and leaves, leaving me standing there in the room alone. It wasn't the first time Namjoon came home drunk.