Sick

Time is evil

Seokjin's pov

Three months later

Time is evil, its cruel and unfair. Life in general was the root of all evil. It gives us things and takes them away in the blink of an eye. And we're left broken with unanswered questions. It's all an illusion set to distract us. A fake beacon of hope.

That's how I choose to view the world now. It suits it perfectly. I sat strapped to a seat not moving or fidgeting in any way. I didn't have a reason to. I regretted taking this trip. I regret coming here even though it wasn't my fault. I should've stayed and not gone with Namjoon. I still blame myself. Why did we have to come here...I ask myself sometimes. Whenever I think back on things I could change it makes me sad because I think of the fact that I would never be able to change them. The reality sets in and it consumes me. What was even more fascinating to me was that life still carried on. The sun still rose, the sun still set, the moon went up and then back down again. Days passed by and the same thing happened over and over again. Life didn't stop to think about what I had lost or what was missing. In an unshocking way, life doesn't give a fucking damn.

It made me think about my life, specifically me, should my life be worth a damn at this point?

It had been three months later and our visitor's visa expired so we had to go back. During those three months I had so much hope but surely and innevitably it lessened. The case involving the kidnapping of my son was non-existent anymore, that's how I chose to view it because that's how it was and that's how it is. Nothing seemed to be leading up to anything. The people who took him are sick, utterly sick and they should die for all I care.

They were no closer to humans and for the life of me I couldn't think of anything else I'd wish more than to have them dead. The officials told us that they would handle it. What a great job they did at that. At one point Namjoon's father hired a private detective to try and find Jimin. But that didn't help as well. It was baffling to me. An action that took less than a few seconds spanned over a little over three whole months.

Slowly and slowly the relationship between Namjoon and I began to fall apart. It seems that we silently blamed each other but we'd not admitted it because of the love we have. Or maybe we were blaming ourselves and thought the other held something over the other.

The love that we have have for each other was the one thing that was keeping us together, the one thing that was making us strong.

Today we took a private plane back home. Concerning the investigation, we were told that it was still underway. The details of the crime were sent to our local authorities. They told us both branches would still be active in the search. However everything that they said, everything that came out if their mouths were utter bullshit to me. They didn't care. No one did!

The trip back home was horrible. We barely spoke to or glanced at each other. After the outburst at the lake Namjoon and I admitted our feelings. It's no surprise that we were both broken beyond repair. He admitted that to me and I admitted that I hated myself for what happened. However after that the line went straight. We didn't talk about our emotions or what we were going through. It just went dead. Silent.

Two and half hours later we arive home. I stand outside with my suitcase in hand and the yellow stuff dog doll in the other, it had become my most prized possession at this point.

I've never come home without him. The waterworks threaten to defy my judgement but I push them back. I'm tired of crying. So fucking tired of it.

Reluctantly I step forward, taking one step but failing to take the next one. Namjoon's hand gently presses the small of my back encouraging me to walk forward. I'm thankful for him. Though we were both dying on the inside he's still here for me. It makes me feel pathetic when I think about how I can't do the same. I'm weak.

We walk into the house and I try to not let my emotions get the best of me. I put some things away and do some laundry. After that I clean and dust everywhere. Everywhere but one room. I didn't dare step foot into it. Neither did Namjoon. We both just casually went about our day. Namjoon caught up on some work and I head to the kitchen to prepare dinner. Thing is....I didn't know what to cook.

The chart on the fridge indicated it was mac and cheese night. It was Jimin's favourite dish. Subconsciously I lean my head against the little white board that stuck to the fridge with magnets. I look at it with hatred that I end up flinging it across the room into the living room. It bumbs into a lamp and sends it and the vase next to it flying and falling to the ground and crashing.

Another brake down I thought to myself as my back slid down against the fridge. I laid there on the cold floor. Predictively Namjoon comes running in. I hide my head in my arms bringing my knees to my chest. I don't want to answer any questions.

"Jin!?" I hear him gasp.

"What happened!?"

I wave him away. After a few seconds I hear the sound of class being picked up.

Oh no. That's going to-

"Ow-" I hear from the living room.

For fuck's sake. Why? This was just anticipated with his clumsy ass.

Slowly, I raise myself up. Opening a cupboard, I take out a band aid and proceed to walk towards the room.

Namjoon's crouching on the ground with his thumb in his mouth. There's blood on the ground and also on the shards of glass lying on the floor. Honestly I'm not even surprised it's like I could predicted it before it even happened.

"Honestly Namjoon if you can't do it don't bother I'll handle it. I've told you before to leave things like this to me."

"But you were-"

"Yeah, and I know what happened. I would have cleaned it up myself. Just leave it alone next time."

"Sorry, I just-"

"Well don't! It's exhausting enough around here without you causing chaos."

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"Who's fault it that then?"

The words grace my ears softly through a mumbling echo. I almost didn't hear it if it weren't for how close we were, but I did. At the same time it comes out laced and woven with impact and intention. For a second as I glue the bandaid on his thumb pad thought I had misheard. Surely that came from someone else. But fact is... there was nobody else around. I look up towards Namjoon meeting his eyes. His eyebrow is skyrocketed up on his forehead and the almost dormant poker face he was wearing no doubt told me it indeed came from him.

"What did you say?"

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And I oop-To be continued. Thannnkkk you for reading this mess.
Song recommendation: Joke by BTS' Rap Monster... this is old but damn does it slap.