Sick

"WTF did you just say?"

Seokjin's pov

"What did you say?" I ask slowly challenging him to say it to my face.

He turns away from me and takes his hand away. "Nothing, forget about it." He stands himself up and begins to walk off. "No." I yell making him stop in his tracks and turn around.

"Tell me what you just said." I press.

"Forget about it Jin." He says rolling his god damn eyes.

"Clearly that smartass mouth of yours wanted to say something. And I'm asking you to say it again, to my face!"

"God, you just get more and more temperamental as we go along. Always moody and unexpected."

"Well I can't help it now, can I? I did just lose my fucking son. How the hell do you expect me to react?" I scream back at him. We were past arguing now. It was a fight, a full blown cold fight.

"Who's fucking fault is that then Seokjin!? Huh?"

There it was again. I can't believe those words came out of my Namjoon. They were so bitter and menacing.

"You're blaming me now? You of all people?" I ask, my voice raised up to another octave.

"Do you see anyone else in this room?" He asks sarcastically.

I'm at a loss for words. Did he really....

"Why didn't you just watch him? He was right there....right there!!!" He yells looking at me with bloodshot eyes. Well now I know his real feelings on the matter.

I won't lie but it hurt. Those words coming from Namjoon killed me.

"I-" I begin.

"That's all you had to do. On top of that you're the one that cries the most, you're the one acting out and being a dick about it even if I try to help. You don't see that!? It's all about you!"

"Jimin was my son Namjoon, wha-"

"HE WAS MY FUCKING SON TOO SEOKJIN! YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE HURTING BECAUSE OF WHAT HAPPENED." He shouts back anger coming off of him like a wave of knives.

"You didn't love him like I did!" I shout back sending Namjoon's face down into a frown.

"Wow Jin." We stare at each other for a few more intense seconds.

I walk up to him and push at his shoulders making him tumble back. I don't know why I did. I'm frustrated and I'm so angry.

"It's your fucking-" I push him he doesn't fight back. I know he won't. He's too humble like that. He'd never hurt me physically.

"fault-" push

"It was your family's dumb-" push

"idea to go there-" push

"It's-" push "your-" push "fucking-" push "fault-" push. He stumbles back a little and bumbs some centre pieces over.

Before I can do it again he grabs my hands, stopping me from pushing him again. "Yeah that's what you're good at, blaming everyone but yourself."

"Fuck you... I blame myself more then I blame anybody else." I admit once again, tears were gushing out my eyes now. I couldn't control them.

Namjoon lets go of my palms and drops them to the side and walks away.

I can't believe he just did that. What the hell just happened? The hell? You would think, the kind of chemistry and bond we have would cater to the fact that we knew each other like the back of our hands. But in that all too intense moment I didn't know him. We weren't communicating. Something in me snaps, like I was driven towards finding out what was going on. Or just wanted him to say something more, anything. I walk towards where he walked off to. No way not on my fucking watch.

"Hey! Don't you fucking walk away from me." I call out to him as he walks into our room not responding. "I'm talking to you! Turn around and face me." I scream.

He ignores me and continues to walk towards the bathroom. I stop him.

"I said I'm talking to you!" taking him by the shoulders, I spin his figure around.

"Enough. Just leave me alone alright." He yells back shrugging my hands away and pushing me gently back so I'm out of the bathroom. My face is met with a loud bash as the door shuts in it.

My emotions once again get the better of me and I just break down. I feel the anxiety attacks biting at my skin, goosebumps raising, breathing getting heavier and harder to control, this is bad. I should breathe. I should brea-

Suddenly I feel the need to vomit. I make a beeline to the hallway toilet and let it all of out. Although there wasn't much to let out. I hadn't eaten anything all day. The only thing that comes out is just water and saliva. The dry heave phase starts and I swear I'm about to lose conscious.

Willingly I push myself off the floor and stare at myself in the mirror.

My face was disgusting. Bloodshot puffy eyes, untamed hair. Just purely disgusting. It takes a while, I just stand there trying to call down, trying to gather my breathing in order. I wash my face off and let the cold water keep me up.

My eyes however dart towards the digital clock on the cabinet next to the laundry basket. God fucking damnit that just sends me off the edge. That does it. If that wasn't going to be the last straw nothing would. Everything just floods out.

Blood starts to leak from my nose slowly as I stare at those damn dates.

[OCTOBER 13, SAT]

Jimin's ....birthday.

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The white floor is the last thing I see before my eyes shut and I'm drifted away.
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Thanks for reading.
Song recommendation : Staring at the sun - Post Malone ft SZA