Sick

Double Loss

Namjoon's Pov

The insane feeling of deja vu was settling in. Here I was yet again. Seated on a damn cold as fuck metal bench, over thinking my life away. Tying to hold onto any shread of sanity I could.

The intense headache rilling up my scalp was for sure causing an aneurysm somwhere in my body.

Thinking back I try to not think of how I found Jin passed out on the damn bathroom floor with blood running from his nose. The amount of pain and guilt I felt was overwhelmingly strangling. How, what, why... I couldn't answer any of those, all I could do was blame myself now.

'It's practically your fault Namjoon'
A voice says softly invading my subconscious.

'You know how sensitive he can be Namjoon, he needs you, more than ever. You know how much he loves, loved Jimin...'

'Loved?' I question the damn voice.

'You don't still think Jimin's still alive do you?' The voice coos, it's tone, sweet and innocent as if lathering me up with dangerous thoughts.

'He could still be ali-'

'Nonsense! You're son is gone you delusional and naive man. Why do you think Seokjin is in the hospital right now, barely grasping onto his life? It's because he's slowly accepting that fact. Sadly it was too much for him.'

'What do you m-' "Namjoon?" A voice calls out to me. The voice was familiar all too common I should say.

I raise my head up and see Jungkook standing a few meters away from me. He's looking at my like I've lost my mind. I don't blame him. Seems like I am ....slowly.

"Who are you talking to?" He questions.

"I-I..I don't know." I say simply. Jungkook walks over to me pulling my body up and hugging me tightly in his warm embrace. In that moment the tears I've been holding in for so long gush out making me hiccup and sniffle on Jungkook's shoulder. I'm so thankful to him. So very very thankful. "Shhh, I'm here. It's going to be alright. Let out whatever you've been holding in." He says calmly as he rubs slow waves into my back.

"I miss him. It's so unfair and sad... And Jin is just broken-" "I know..." Jungkook comforts.

.
.
.

A few hours later a doctor approaches us.

"Excuse me which one of you is the spouse of Kim Seok-" "Me, that's me, tell me he is alright. Please?"

"He's alright now and resting in his room. The impact from his fall wasn't fatal, he just has a bump. But I must ask, was Mr.Kim under any kind of stress?" The doctor asks.

"Yes he was. Some unfortunate incidents had happened prior."

"Well Mr.Kim's blood pressure was very high. Did something happen recently right before he was brought here?" The doctor asks while looking at his file in his hand.

"....We, got into a heated argument."

He nods his head while writing some stuff down.

"Wait, why was his nose bleeding?" I ask suddenly remember the blood around his face and the floor.

"That would be due to the events happening in his life. I don't exactly know what's been happening with you two but that would be the cause."

"So the stress?" I enquire.

"In these cases, a nosebleed isn't directly caused by the stress you feel, though the two things may appear connected. Instead, it's caused by the situation that also causes the anxiety. Hypertension, or high blood pressure, is a trigger for nosebleeds."

I nod in understanding. "So what can I-"

"For now, I suggest the two of you try to work things out. It's extremely dangerous for somebody to be in this much stress, if not, Mr.Kim may suffer from depression or other fatal consequences such as constant high blood pressure and anxiety attacks. In a more none formal way you need to ease your spouse. When he was brought here, he was severely dehydrated, this may be due to the crying? I'm not sure. The two of you must relax yourselves. Stressing the mind is not healthy." He finishes.

'Easier said then done doc.' I think to myself.

"Thank you." I say. He nods and walks away.

"He's in room 109" he says finally before actually walking away.

.
.
.

"Go ahead. I'll wait out here." Jungkook says leaning against the wall in the hallway.

I open the door slightly and slide in. There's definitely a body laid there in the dark room. The rain outside made the atmosphere all the more gloomy.

I take a few steps in and can't take my eyes off of the beautiful body laying down on the bed. All the aggravation of the previous few hours disappear and fade away instantly. It wasn't worth it. What we said during that fight was irrational and guided by bolted up emotions. Truthfully I never blamed Seokjin. The amount of love Seokjin has ... had for Jimin was endless. He'd never, not in a million years ever want that to happen. It was never his fault and I shouldn't have made him think it was. There's just so many bad people in the world. It's not fair at all but the fact that he got so overwhelmed because of me was so guilt ridden on me.

It's true though. You never truly appreciate the things you have truthfully until it's actually gone. I think I can understand that better than anyone this point. Sometimes I wonder if I should just give up maybe things would never return back to the way it was before. I wonder if Jin has given up and is now trying to deal with the fact that this is the truth and this is what the situation is and will always be. Is that why he had that insane panic attack? Is that why he's always mad and never lets me help him?

I slouched down in the chair beside him grabbing onto his cold hands for comfort. I'm not really sure if it was me who was trying to give him comfort or if it was for my own benefit either way I don't know what to think.

My mind goes blank. Eventually we will leave the hospital and we'll go back to to our home, to our lives. The  unfortunate events that have happened we're merely a distraction in the form of a cry or an awakening.

Maybe this is a wake-up call, maybe we shouldn't be thinking of the possibilities anymore? It just hurts too much. The amount of pain that has come from the two of us is losing our son is tearing us apart.
.
.
.

I wonder how Jin feels?

.
.
.
To be continued. Thanks for reading. Recommendation: Antisocial - Ed Sheeran feat Travis Scott