Sick

Do we just give up?

Namjoon's pov

Half an hour later of waiting, pacing and nail biting Seokjin wakes up. His eyes flutter open as he tries to adjust to the light.

He sprints his body up and looks around curiously. I don't move in right away, I'm not sure if I should. We were fighting a few hours ago so I was unsure.

As his eyes lend on me a small smile breaks out giving me all the comfort my doubts had created. We look at each other for a few more seconds before he shifts his body around and opens his arms out. That does it for me. That's what breaks me. I walk forward and hug him. The stress on my shoulders fades instantaneously.

Neither of us speak for the longest time. What would I say? I really don't know for now I'm just glad that he's here and he's alright. But however comforting the silence was Jin decides to speak first.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so so so sorry Namjoon."

I move my hand up and caress his head running my fingers through his hair making sure that he knows that I know. "It's ok baby, I understand."

"And I don't blame you for anything just so you know, I'd never blame you for something like this. I love you and I'm sorry the fight got out of hand. I'm sorry I did this to you." I continue.

Jin breaks away and looks into my eyes. "You didn't do this to me, it's not your fault we're both to blame for how we reacted. Our emotions got the best of us but I love you too and I'm also sorry. I said so many things I didn't mean at all."

"So did I." I respond honestly.
This is how things were like now. It was an endless loop of a makeshift breakup and makeup, a falling out on repeat. It was exhausting.

The sadness and the angst was still apparent and fresh in our faces... that was one thing that hasn't changed but one thing's for sure it is still so sad and terrifying to the both of us. I won't say we will never get over it because I don't know if we'll ever get over it. How do you even get over something like this? Do we just give up? Frankly there is no clear answer to that. Consequences of our lives are cruel and we're subjected to it no matter what our actions are.

"I, I didn't pass out just from our fight you know..." Jin says suddenly.

"What do you mean?" I question. I thought the fight sent him over the edge.

He lowers his and looks at his palms.
"At first, yes I was upset and angry. Even after you slammed the door in my face I was kind of okay. I went to the bathroom and the thing that set me off was..."

He stops and looks at me. "Check the date on your phone." He says simply and looks back towards the window.

Pulling out my phone I turn it on and read the dates before me.

[OCTOBER 13, SAT]

'Fucking hell...'

"It's our baby's birthday...." Jin says with a sniffle. I knew he was going to cry again. This time I hurry over and embrace him trying to transcend any ounce of comfort I could.

I don't know if it works or not but I still hold him.

"Do you remember what happened last year?" He asks with a faint smile.

The memory was still fresh in my mind like it was a core memory of my life. Everything was perfect that day. At least it was to me.

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Flash back to last year:
Jimin's birthday

It was a warm Friday and Jimin was zooming around the house like a wildfire at 6 am in the morning. He didn't understand the concept of his birthday just yet and the only thing he could think of was that he was going to get candy, cake, presents and all the attention. It was still sweet though.

We had arranged a small party. A very small party, only the three of us. Well maybe it wasn't really a party. Anyway we went to an amusement park. There, they had a small kiddy restaurants that had a separate play area. Jimin had so much fun on that day. He wanted to ride all the rides and do everything. Later towards the end of the day we had him blow out his candles. The look on his chubby little face was priceless and I'll cherish that memory forever. I still remember what Jin got him. Apart from all the other gifts he got from his uncle and grandparents and myself as well, Jin got him the small stuffed yellow dog plushy. For some reason he adored it. Carried it everywhere he went. Would never leave the house without it.

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Now it's all Jin has of him. I've seen him staring at the toy for hours. Looking like he's losing his mind in the process it seemed.

It pained me so much to just sit there and watch, unable to do anything. I wish I could but what could I possibly do? We've tried everything.
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Haven't we?

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To be continued
Song recommendation: Darker Liquor - Flannel Albert