Sick

Deja vu

Namjoon's pov

After rectifying Jimin's case and opening up a case for Seokjin I called my parents and brother to tell them as well. They told me that they would be flying over and Jungkook came over a few hours ago to see us.

I can't shake the feeling that deja vu was riding hard up my ass yet again. I just went through the same process I went through a few months ago, only this time, I was extremely lonely and twice as sad. I'm not saying when they took Jimin I wasn't as worried but this was different. My support system was gone and I didn't know where he was or how to find him. I didn't even know whether he was alive. I'm clueless.

I had to wait again. For a sign. For a clue, just like last time. It was a lot to take in. I gain one and lose the other. What have I ever done to deserve this?

Granted it had only been a few hours since the incident but I am agitated. Jimin has been sleeping for so long and I'm terrified of him waking up again because I know when he does he'll ask me a question that I won't be able to answer. I wasn't ready for that.

Jungkook stands in the kicthen while making some lunch. I'm not in the mood to cook anything or eat so him volunteering saves me the trouble.

"Hyung, come eat." He calls out to me.

We sit at the table and I take too bites out of the spaghetti and feel like vomiting. I rush to the bathroom and dispose of it all in the toilet. It burned as it went down. The red pasta sauce that fell into the water at the bottom of the toilet bowl was not a pleasant sight in comparison. I couldn't not picture what I had seen earlier. It was fresh in my memory.

"Hyung!" I hear Jungkook yell. "Are you okay? What happened"

I stand up, flush the toilet and wash my hands and mouth. Jungkook stands next to me looking at my state not saying a word. My reflection in the mirror was deplorable. Nothing was happy about my face. My hair was unkept, lips chapped and bags under my eyes.

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Later at around the late evening mom and dad arrive. They start asking questions, predictively. And go see Jimin who was still sleeping.

We all sit in the living room and talk about everything. I wasn't too fond of it. I wanted this to be over and done with. No more waiting no long stretched out agony filled thoughts. I just wanted my other baby back.

"Son how are you doing, what did the police say?" Dad asks.

I let out a sigh "They opened a case for it and are investigating the crime scene."

"You didn't answer my other question."

"Do you think I want to fucking answer it dad?"

"Namjoon!" Mom steps in. "Don't talk to your father like that?" Another sigh. "We know you're suffering and were here for you Joonie." The nickname she uses cuts through me like a freshly sharpened blade.

"That's right Namjoon, we're here and we'll find Seokjin." The mere mention of his name was hurtful. It hurt so much. Why? Cause I had a small shread of denial that this was final. Permanent!

My feelings were eating me up and it felt awful.

We talked for a while but then mom and dad went to bed in the guest bedroom. Jungkook decided to stay over too. He had gone for shower. It was amazing how this wasn't affecting them as much as it was affecting me. I felt broken. I could sense the sadness coming off of Jungkook but it would never be the same.

I decide to sit outside so that I could be alone. Jin loved sitting on the balcony whenever he had tea and Jimin and him would sit out here together for Saturday breakfast when it was sunny.

A small hand touches my dangling arm. I turn around and see Jimin standing there with his blanket held around him. A slight smile forms on my face.

"What are you doing out of bed baby? It's late." I say picking him up and putting him in my lap.

He shivers a little and I wrap the blanket more around him making sure to cover his face a little.

"Did you have a nightmare?" He nods his head.

"It's okay baby, I'm here." I say pulling him into my chest.

"Daddy?"

"Yes?"

"Where's papa?"

The clutch my heart makes forces my lungs to stop taking in air. I knew it was coming sooner or later but I don't think I was prepared for it. What do I say now?

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To be continued. Thanks for reading!!!! Song recommendation: Life support - Sam Smith (this song though!) Download the whole 'In the lonely hour' album you won't regret it.