The Heartbreak Factor - Part One

Chapter Twenty-Eight.

Walking down the corridor, I looked at my phone and realised I’d had 32 missed calls from George, Josh, JJ and Jaymi along with 18 texts from everyone. It was 4pm – I still had enough time to do the final rehearsal and get sorted. It’d be a rush though. As soon as I opened the door to the rehearsal room, everybody, who was sat on the sofa, turned and looked at me. “Sammy, is everything okay?” Kye asked me as I put my jacket down on the table.

“I think so,” I smiled.

“What happened?” Jaymi asked.

“My mum went into labour this morning,” I explained, sitting in between Jaymi and JJ on the sofa.

“Is the baby okay?” JJ asked.

“He’s really ill,” I sighed. "He's so small."

As they all tried to comfort me, the door swung open and Tulisa walked in with her hair in curlers. “Sammy, is the baby okay?” she asked.

“He’s really ill and tiny,” I repeated.

“He’s in the best place though,” she smiled, trying to reassure me as she hugged me. “At least he can watch his big sister perform on television tonight.

“He can,” I smiled.

“Are you sure you’re up to performing?” Tulisa asked me.

I looked at JJ, Jaymi, George and Josh, who were all sat by me, looking worried. “Yeah,” I grinned. “What else am I gonna do? The doctors are looking after my mum and brother. I’ll just get in the way at the hospital so I might as well sing.”

“Well you’d better go get changed out of your cow onesie before stepping on stage tonight,” Tulisa joked. 

“Do I have to?” I asked. “I thought the cow onesie would give a little extra to my performance.”

“No,” she laughed.

“I think one week we should have onesie week,” George grinned.

“George, every week for you is onesie week,” Jaymi laughed.

“Monkey boy,” I winked. 

*

This week's performance was being stripped back to the basics - just me and my voice? Luckily for me, there was no choreography so I didn't have to worry about the moves when I was worrying about my baby brother instead. Tonight's song choice was the classic by Bon Jovi, Always. It was one of my mum's favourite all-time songs so I felt even more pressure on me to smash the performance. In my dressing room just before the show began, I had had a little breakdown moment to myself over everything that was going on but in the end, I managed to pull myself together and do this for my family's sake. 

Standing in the centre of the stage, the spotlight hit me as I began to sing. "This Juliet is bleeding, but you can't see her blood. It's nothing but some feelings that this old dog kicked up." 

As I stood still, I looked out into the audience and saw Kate and Granddad sitting and smiling back up at me, which calmed me down a lot. "It's been raining since you left me, now I'm drowning in the flood. You see I've always been a fighter, but without you I give up." 

Continuing to sing, all I could think about was how my little baby brother would be lying in the incubator at the hospital by himself, even though I tried to focus on singing and hitting the right notes as much as I could. As I looked at Tulisa, I could tell she was worrying about me by the way she looked anxiously at me but I wasn't gonna let her down. "I can't sing a love song like the way its meant to be. Well, I guess I’m not that good anymore, but baby, that’s just me.” 

Closing my eyes to try and focus on the song, I could only see the image of my baby brother lying in the incubator, wired up to all the machines. Opening my eyes again, I prepared myself to start singing the chorus. "And I will love you, baby - always.” I carried on singing. Hitting the highest, and hardest, note of the song, Tulisa stood up clapping, bursting with pride. "And I'll be there forever and a day - always." 

I put every little bit of strength that I had left in me into my vocals. “I’ll be there till the stars don’t shine, till the heavens burst and the words don’t rhyme. I know when I die, you’ll be on my mind and I’ll love you - always.” 

As I clutched onto the microphone, I really got into the song. Continuing to sing, I began to get really emotional. Not only was I thinking about my baby brother, but this song was one of the songs they had played at my dad’s funeral. “Now your pictures that you left behind are just memories of a different life. Some that made us laugh, some that made us cry, one that made you have to say goodbye.” 

I tried to think of the vocal changes and how I could connect the song to the audience, instead of the lyrics and the song to make myself less emotional. Looking back into the audience, Kate pulled a funny face at me as she sensed how emotional I was getting. I smiled at her. “What I’d give to run my fingers through your hair, to touch your lips, to hold you near. When you say your prayers try to understand I’ve made mistakes – I’m just a girl.” 

Taking the microphone from the microphone stand, I began to walk down the steps towards the front of the stage. I was practically standing on the very edge of the stage. “When she holds you close, when she pulls you near, when she says the words you’ve been needing to hear. I’ll wish I was her ‘cos those words are mine to say to you till the end of time.” 

Taking a quick deep breath, I prepared myself to impress the judges. “And I will love you baby - always.” As I hit the notes perfectly - much to my surprise, the audience began to applaud me like they had never applauded me before. “And I’ll be there forever and a day - always.” Tulisa was smiling and clapping at me; you could tell by the way she was that she was proud of me. I was proud of myself to be completely truthful. I could have easily said I wasn’t going to perform but instead, I came out on the stage and sung my heart out. “I’ll be there till the stars don’t shine, till the heavens burst and the words don’t rhyme. I know that when I die, you’ll be on my mind and I’ll love you,” I took a short pause. “Always.”

Softly, I ended the song as the audience gave me a roaring standing ovation. As Dermot rushed over to me, I quickly wiped a tear that was slowly trickling down my cheek away before anyone had chance to notice it. Wrapping his arm around me, Dermot pulled me close towards him and squeezed me tightly in a one-armed hug. Looking into the audience, I wished so much that mum, Michael, dad and my little baby brother could have been sat watching me but I knew they were all watching me from where they were. 

“Sammy, that performance was the best one that I’ve seen you do, ever.” Louis said, looking quite emotional as his eyes were glazed over. “You put so much emotion into the song and those vocals.. WOW!”

“I don’t think there is a place for you in next week’s live show,” Gary began. My heart dropped. “That performance was of such a high standard that I know that there is a place for you in next week’s live show and I definitely think there is a place in the final with your name on it. You took the competition to a whole different level.”

“Sammy, you’ve grown so much in this competition and that song choice? Well done to you and Tulisa for choosing that song as you’ve done it justice,” Nicole smiled to me. “You put so much heart and soul into that. It was unbelievably amazing.”

I looked at Tulisa, who looked back at me with tears in her eyes. “I know you’ve gone through a really rough time in the last fifteen hours or so, and for you to come onto the stage and sing like that with everything that is going on right now,” Tulisa smiled to me through tears. “You’re doing your family proud, you’re doing your fans proud, you’re doing the people who are at home voting for you proud and you’re doing me proud.”