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"Do you mind if we sit with Jake and his friends at lunch?" Darcy asked. She had recovered from yesterdays sudden illness, and was perkier than ever today. Whereas I felt drained, I had a hard weekend, not being able to sleep yet again, and wasting the whole of Sunday catching up with missed coursework. My thoughts were messed up inside my head, causing a migrane. I didn't know how to feel, or what was even happening.
"I don't mind at where we sit." I sighed, shoving my books in my locker, before slamming it shut. Darcy thankfully understood me when I felt low, and would either attempt to cheer me up, or instead not say anything at all. She never knew why I was sad, and sometime neither do I do. I hated the uncertainty of my feelings.
We walked into Geography, and resumed to our seats at the back of the class. Barely anyone was here right now, but that's probably because the majority of pupils in this class were boys, and they were probably outside playing rugby. I noticed all the doodles that covered the front cover of my book. I often became creative when something was boring me.
A book was placed beside me, and I questioned why. Who would pick me over Darcy - everyone picked Darcy. I looked up and felt my insides turn geloid when I noticed Charlie smiling looking down at me.
"Hey do you mind if I sit here?" He asked pulling the chair out. I looked down at the floor and nodded my head, before rising my head and glancing up at him.
I gulped. "N-no, that's f-fine." I stuttered. My stutter had recently taken a break from me, and to migrate back right now, that wasn't appropriate. I wanted to kick myself for sounding like an idiot. I knew I couldn't help it, but it really bugged me and that was one of the reasons I never spoke much, in case it would threaten to escape my lips, and people would most likely mock me.
Casey took a seat next to Charlie, and smiled as he placed his book on the desk. Darcy returned to her seat after fetching her Geography book, staring at me, as if something happened yesterday that I didn't tell her about. She sat down and smiled at the boys before staring down at her phone again.
"Jake again." Charlie asked, nudging Casey who began chuckling slightly to himself. "You know, you're all he ever talks about." Charlie added.
Darcy instantly looked up at Charlie and smiled, flicking her hair away from her eyes. "Really? What does he say?" She giggled slightly at the end.
"He just really likes you, and other stuff. But we'll leave that for later." Casey added, making Charlie uncontrollably laugh. It was the cutest thing, how his eyes we squinted, his pearly white teeth where constantly on show, and smiling widely with his dimples on full display.
It was upsetting how Darcy seemed to attract all the boys, but of course that was bound to happen. Darcy was perfect, she was bubbly, beautiful and confident, all the things which I wasn't. It was easy to fall in love with Darcy, anyone could. I'm hoping that Charlie doesn't though. As jealous as it sounds, I want Charlie to fall in love with me, and making that happen would be impossible.
"Don't be dicks, what did he say?" She chuckled slightly, playing with the cuff of her sleeve.
Casey and Charlie looked at each other, but there mouths remained shut but laughs were soon escaping out.
"Who even are you, and why are you sat next to my friend." She giggled, sending Jake a text and placing her phone on the table.
Casey cleared his throat, I guess he was going to do the speech he prepared so wonderfully for me yesterday. "My name is Casey, Casey Cody Johnson. The reason I am sat next to Autumn, is because we shared a special moment at lunch time yesterday." He announced, smiling in my direction, and I smiled back.
"Autumn you didn't tell me about him." Darcy nudged, as if I was expected to tell her about every guy I spoke to.
"I'm Charlie. We met in Maths. You shouldn't be on your phone Darcy. I don't want to tell you again. You really should know by now." Charlie laughed, running his hand through his blonde quiff.
"Fuck off you looser boy." Darcy teased, but Charlie looked hurt. I don't know whether that was intentional, but either way I wanted to hug him and tell him it was fine.
"Wow, your friend is a bitch." Charlie leaned in and whispered in my ear. I nodded and giggled slightly at his remark.
Charlie looked down at the floor and smiled, flashing his dimples, before turning back to the desk and opening his book as our Geography teacher, Mrs Walters, entered the room. I sat in silence, watching as Charlie scribbled down the title and the date. My whole body was shaking. The fact that he chose to sit next to me, and also whisper in my ear, a secret that no-one else knew, it was an abnormal feeling. He was in every way special, and I just wanted to be able to call him mine.
"We're learning about Blackpool and the tourist attractions. So if you just copy this slide down and we'll watch a short clip." Mrs Walters informed us. Her Birmingham accent really annoyed me, the fact that everything she said sounded so enthusiastic and fake, I hated it.
-
"Autumn, are you okay? I mean it's like you're constantly stuck in a daydream all of a sudden." Reece asked, giggling slightly at the end. I shook my head and stared right back at him, forcing a small smile, before stirring my straw around in my hot chocolate.
"I'm fine." I lied, forcing a smile and hoping I'd fool him, but Reece wasn't thick. I could feel everyone staring at me from different directions across the table. I felt awkward, and I was hoping someone would break the silence, soon.
The silence was never ending. Everyone was still gazing at me, as if I was unusual, and didn't belong here. It made me feel small. This is why I hated the canteen, I felt as if everyone was judging me, even my newly found friends were, secretly.
"You know I told you about that gig?" Jake announced, talking to presumably me, even though his eyes were set on his rather revolting looking beef burger, which probably wasn't even real meat. "We're playing at The 8 Bells tomorrow. So if you want to join?" Jake smiled proudly across to everyone on our table.
I glanced over to Darcy, hoping she'd answer for both of us by saying yes. Darcy simply informed Jake with a nod, so I mirrored her actions and Jake smiled at both of us.
"I'll text you the details." Jake spoke. He couldn't possibly message me, as he hadn't got my number, so I was relying on Darcy to send me this vital information.
Charlie suddenly turned to me. "You're coming, right?" He asked and I nodded again.
Charlie was inviting me to something of his, and I could only feel happiness. He wasn't ashamed that I'd be there, he was actually asking me to go, so he must want me there. But why? I get bored of thinking like this. I turn something happy into something miserable, by questioning myself far too often. I wanted to be happy, but I have doubts. Doubts about everything, and it's slowly pulling me down.
"It'll be fun. It's our first performance, so it'd be great if you came along." He continued nodding.
I smiled back, staring into his beautiful eyes. They were a deep ocean blue, the ones I could easily drown in, it was so beautiful. When the light hit them though,his eyes would turn to a more greyish blue shade.
"I'll make sure I'm there." I smiled, looking down at the floor. This was my first ever invite. I've never been anywhere. Home is where I usually am at nights, cooped away in my bedroom, studying. Being invited to a gig was honestly amazing. I felt happy, I'd made friends in these guys. I had no idea what I had to do, or what I was even doing. Did thy truly want me there, or just Darcy. They'd probably feel bad if they had only invited Darcy and not me. Maybe I shouldn't go, I'd probably muck up their performance if I did. Being the clumsy person I am, I'd break something and the police will come and arrest me, and that'll be my night ruined.
I won't go. I won't ruin their first performance for them. It's best if I didn't go.
