You repel me (Johnny x reader)

Everything will be alright

Warning, triggering issues-talk of suicide, depression.

It's been five months since I've met Nny and we have been spending a lot of time together. When we couldn't see each other, we would talk for hours on end and with my other boyfriends when I was younger, I would make up an excuse just to stop talking to them.

Nny has been getting better recently. He does on the occasion come in through my window and start to cry. One time, he showed up with a gun, tears streaming down his face and talking about 'immortalizing the moment' which I ignored, trying to get the gun away from him. 

We haven't talked about that since.

Devi and I had hung out at a cafe earlier this week and didn't seem to mind that she was out.

Today, I was going to Johnny's house for the first time in our five months of dating. 

And I was NERVOUS.

I don't know why I was! I wasn't meeting his parents or anything! It was just a house visit! What negative effects could it have on my mental health, right?

I had searched through multiple outfits, trying to find something new to wear. I eventually just settled on a white shirt and black pants. IT WAS VERY SIMPLE, WHY DID I TAKE SO LONG TO DECIDE ON AN OUTFIT?!

I calmed down slightly, going to my bathroom and staring at my reflection in the mirror. I had just woken up from a nap in the middle of the evening, so I wasn't looking so good. I splashed water on my face, trying to wake myself up more.

I walked out of my house, checking my phone on the way out. Devi hadn't seen my text so I assumed she was either at work or was taking a nap at home. I began to walk over to Johnny's house, trying to remember the address he gave me. 

I stuck my hands in my pockets, looking at the cars and signs and all the boring stuff you see on the street. I sighed out my nose as I passed through stores and stared at my reflection in the windows.

I felt eyes on me but they... somehow felt different. I don't know what it was but it just felt different.

I ignored the feeling, not bothering to turn around to even try to look for someone. I was tired of being paranoid of eyes on me. 

I continued to walk to Nny's house, pulling out my phone to see if Devi had responded to my texts at times. The moon was beginning to come up and I took a second to stare at the beauty.

His house came into view and I began to jog slightly. I arrived at his door and I smiled slightly. I took in a couple of breaths before I knocked on the door.

The door opened after a few seconds and Nny came into view, along with a quick smile. 

"Hey, Y/N"

He leaned down to kiss my cheek and I stood on my toes. He kissed my cheek quickly before pulling away and letting me inside. 

His house was neat and clean and smelled a bit like bleach. I didn't think much of it because He was just trying to clean his house probably. I sat on his couch and stared at the coffee table, papers were stacked on it in a neat pile.  

"Wow. I was super anxious before going to your house."

I looked around and spotted a red spot in the corner of the room,

"It's nice."

I said with a smile, still staring at the corner.

"What's that?"

I pointed to the corner as Nny sat next to me,

"Paint."

It looked too dark to be blood but I just listened to Nny, even though there was no red in his house.