Wanting Her

Chapter 13

-HER-

Okay, Lana. Remember, don't let him penetrate you.

Relax.

Just be your usual self. Everything is perfectly normal.

I'm at the parking lot pep-talking myself. I need this for myself. I don't care anyone seeing me talking to myself in the car. I need this to survive. If Ethan is anywhere near me, it is compulsory.

When I think I'm ready enough, I get out of the car and start walking in the school building. I totally forgot about Em waiting for me by her car. I heard a rushing light footsteps following behind me. It's Em.

"There is something wrong with you. Seriously, what is it? Stop leaving me in the dark. Tell me so that I can help you. You've been like this for weeks, Lay." Em says with a worry tone.

Yes, true. It has been few weeks after the incidents. More specifically, 3 weeks. And I am clearly launching my mission in avoiding Ethan to keep my sanity in check. If I saw him at the hallway, I turn and get to the bathroom. When I'm at the cafeteria, I eat so fast when he sits to eat, I get up and make my excuse that I have an assignment to do. Mostly, I'll spend my time at the library. When school ends I run out of the school building without a glance and not waiting for Em. Em is always running to catch up with me but I just keep running and give her a cold shoulder. I barely hang out these past weeks.

I know she will always ask what's wrong with me. Bugging me to spill.

And I will always, always brushing it off with nothing.

My mission is working so fine for weeks. Even I can't believe. Well, maybe lady luck is on my side. So I thought it works because I only have one class with Ethan so he can't keep his distance near me. I will sit next to other student and get out before he can even catch me. For that, I'm thankful. Thank you, Lord.

"Jesus, there's nothing Em! Could you please stop!" I snapped. Even I'm surprised at my outburst.

The words come out before I can stop it. Emmy's eyes widen and I catch a glimpse of hurt in her yellowish eyes before she blinks it away. She just stares at me and walk ahead into the building.

Great, now I made her pissed off with me. I sigh and walk towards my locker. When I reach there, I saw that Em is already gone. Hers is just beside me. I swallow the guilt in my throat and grab the books for my first class.

When I walk in the class, I saw Em at our table. We have this class together. My breath come short as I feel my guilt heightened by the sight of Em. She just stares at the window and I know she notice about my presence with the corner of her eyes. She tenses a little when I sit next to her. But I know my bestfriend well. I need to let her cool down first. And her not talking to me is pure torture.

Lana, what have you done.

***

Em walks out of class without even a glance at me. Just like how I did to her these past few days. She carries her bag and enter the cafeteria to grab her food. And me being me. Giving her space from me to let her cool down. I went to the snacks vending machine and bought a chocolate bar to fill my stomach. It's okay though I don't have the appetite to eat anymore after what I did to Em.

I walk myself to the library to give myself to think about what just happen. I know I need to come clean to Em about everything. About the thing that happen between Ethan and me. I shouldn't have snapped at her. I can merely say nicely but she's been bugging me everyday and I just...just got angry. I think my mere plan to avoid from Ethan is a disaster considering the fact about what happened between me and Em.

I groan inwardly and ate silently until the bell rings for the next class. It's the last class for today.

And it's class with Em.

My heart is beating loudly and my palm sweat. I'm so nervous.

I hate feeling this.

I make my way to class and sit beside Em. She still doesn't look at me. But after a few minutes she put a milk and a bun on my table. I look at her instantly.

But she doesn't look at me when she said, "I know you don't eat during lunch." My eyes water and I can't even utter a thanks, the teacher came in.

I blink rapidly to clear my vision. I clear my throat and relax in my seat. I try to focus on what Mr Rogers been saying in front of the class. But who am I kidding, I can't.

I still feel the lump fill up my throat. Em. I'm so touched by her gestures that until then did I realized that she truly sees me as her bestfriend. I'm such a bad friend. I sniffled a little and clear my throat.

I'm too caught up in my emotion and I selfishly hurt my friend. My only friend.

We have been quiet during today's classes and I hate it. I hate it even more when I'm the one who caused it. Ungrateful bitch. She's the one who's been with you since you came here and this is what you've done to repay her. I slap myself mentally.

I haven't been focusing throughout the class and I jump a little when I hear the bell rings. Em is standing up getting ready to walk out.

"Em, can I talk to you before going back?" I say with a small voice. Afraid she might don't want to talk to me anymore.

She stares down at me and just nod. I let a breath of relief at her respond. I too make my way out of class. And towards my locker. But not before I get there, my arms is being pull at strong yet gentle hold and went into the broom closet. I gasp for air and shocked masked my expression at the sight of Ethan.

His face and eyes is hard when he stares down at me. Contrary to his gentle hold on my arms. His lips were pull at thin line. Even I know that this is a pissed off expression.

He's pissed off.

At me.

'You've been avoiding me. Why?" He says with a firm voice.

Shivers ran down my spine when I hear his voice.

His voice is doing something to me.

He is doing something to me.