Wanting Her

Chapter 35

-HER-

It's not that I don't notice it. I notice it all very well. When I came to his house last two days, the bruise on his face and knuckles. I notice it like an eagle's eyes.

Seeing the sight of him, it breaks my heart. My inside is screaming wanting to know what is he hiding. My insides is clawing wanting me to dig it around myself, but I know, it would make myself as a prying little bitch. But still, there's still this nagging voice that keeps reminding me of the things Ethan hides.

I am at the parking lot at school, waiting for Em, as well as Ethan too. I want him to be here. I don't want to keep wondering what he's up to when he didn't come to school. I don't want to portray as a clingy, clingy girlfriend?

Did I?

I let out a heavy exhale for I don't know what. I don't know how to handle this, this is my first time having someone that I care for. Someone that is other than my family and Em.

The sound of growling motorbike catches my attention and this time a breath of relief. He came. I couldn't wait any seconds as my body bring myself out and I'm walking to him.

He and all his attractiveness glory. Why does he have to be so, so attractive. When I near him, I notice that his bruises has heal a little.

When he sees me, he smiles and waited for me. He couldn't get to me fast enough as he wrapped his arms around me and kiss the hell out of me. Like really leave breathless. Not that any other time he leave with breathe.

"Hi." He says and damn his smiles. My heart skips a beat.

"Hi." I smile back and  I lift my hands to his healing bruised. Concerned if they are still hurt. I must have shown it in my face, because he kisses my palms right after.

"I'm fine, baby." Eyes serious but I don't miss the warmth in it.

"Okay." Nodding my head.

The sounds of car engine makes my head turns. It's Em's car. Even I can feel her smug smiles from afar. Getting out of the car, she yells like she own the school. Thank god for the lack of people.

"Morning, bitches. Oh sorry, bitch. Certainly, not you Ethan."

I laugh and shakes my head. This girl is crazy and she undoubtedly can lighten up the mood with her cheery and shitty attitude.

Not long after, Will's car parked besides her car and approach Em to kiss her. Looking at them now, I don't know I even feel disgusted looking at them. It's a beautiful thing. Being in a relationship. In love. Staying in love. Forever in love. I don't want to run out of love. I want to always feel.

They make our ways to us, "Hey, lovebirds." Will said with a smirk and looking his way to Ethan. Ethan just roll his eyes before replying, "Shut up your mouth and your face."

Will gasp with a hand on his chest "How do I shut up my face?"

But Ethan just put his big palms on Will's face and push it backwards. Not to hard to him stumble but in a playful manner.

As the four of us, walk together inside the school building, there are students that look our ways and I thank heaven for the lack of students this morning. We went to our classes and the days went by very slowly. I just want to end school so bad.

I had full of assignments and quizzes to submit due in a short span of time. I feel burden but I am a kind of person that follow the flow. One by one. One step at time. I will complete in time.

I have to catch up onto my studies, really. Especially literature. I can't catch the hell up on what they are trying to convey. The words is really not understandable and I wonder if I have to be in love to understand the poetry and all.

I'm on my way to my next class, when I spot Ethan. He is talking to someone in the phone but his face. His face makes me frown in concern. My feet brought me faster to him, wanting to know what's wrong.

"No, no I don't need you to call me or even check on me. You've lost the privilege to know anything about me after you left me." He is whispering but I can hear the anger, the edge in it. He's oozing with anger.

He chuckles in the phone, "I don't want to hear anything you're about to say. Just leave me like you did before." His grip on the phone is too tight and his knuckles turns white.

As soon as he spin around, he spots me in distance. His eyes warmth a little, but he doesn't move towards me, so I move. As soon as I'm near him, I ask, "Are you okay? What's wrong?"

"Did you hear everything I said?" He asked instead. His eyes and body, it all looks guarded. He's not ready to tell me.

I shake my head, "No, I just hear a little. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to eavesdrop. I-I was passing by and I saw you. That's- that's why I'm here." I hate how I stutters right now. He didn't near me at all and I'm afraid that he's mad at me.

"Lana, you're important to me but you need to give me time in telling you everything. I can't keep this going if you don't trust me on this." He said and I feel my chest hurt like someone has punched me there.

He thought I don't trust him to tell me. He thought I'm not giving him time to tell me himself. He thought I was pushing him. He thought I was pushing him.

"I'm sorry, but I don't want to push on anything. I just want to understand you better. I hate myself to see you hurt and I can't do anything about it. I'm sorry if you feel like I'm pushing you, but I don't mean it that way. Not at all Ethan." I whispers at the end.

"I'm trying to make this work, I do. But I'm so fucked up, I'm afraid I'll hurt you and that's the last thing I want. I don't want you get tangled up in my mess. I think-" He took a deep breathe, and when he says the words after, I shattered. "I think it's best if you stay away from me."

His eyes is cold but I don't miss the hurt in it. He hates to hurt me, why is he doing this. His shoulders tense and he balls up his hands to his side.

"Ethan, please, no. I'm sorry. I don't mean it that way. You know that. Please don't shut me out." My hands is reaching for him but he ignores me and turns to walk away. He walks so fast to his bike and starts before I could reach him.

Seeing him walk away from me, is like someone stab me over and over. The hurt is slicing my inside and I clutch my stomach to stop the pain.  My tears spill and I realized this is my first heartbreak.

And it hurts like bitch.

***
p/s: #stayhome #staysafe everyone!