Wanting Her

Chapter 29

-HER-

Eyes puffed, his cheeks flared with redness. He doesn't show it but I know he's been crying. His eyes held sheen of unshed tears.

My iron clad warrior.

My chest felt like something heavy has been put to bear its weight. My heart felt like it was shot by pointed sharp razor arrows many times before it's being torn.

His face showed that he has been shocked to see I'm here. It has only been 3 days after 'the date' and he hasn't going to school. I was slightly curious. No, totally utterly and irrevocably curious.

Why hasn't he called me after the date? The day after tomorrow? And the days after?

So I braved myself to ask Will. Shame wouldn't even succeed to stop me from asking him about Ethan. I wasn't surprised that Will wouldn't go into details. He's loyal to Ethan. And I'm grateful that Ethan has Will by his side.

He can keep pushing everyone out of his way, but I will find the way to make him succumb. Always. I'm not sure what my eyes show when I looked at him right now. I pray to god that it's not pity because it's far from that.

He doesn't need anyone's pity right now. I don't want him to feel that, especially when it came from me. I just want to be with him, to hold him, to tell him that I'm not going anywhere.

I forced my feet to move forward. When I was sure that he wouldn't move, I take another step and touched his cheek. I can feel the remnants of tears on my palms.

I was right, he has been crying.

His eyes was void from any emotion. His eyes are searching my eyes, my face. My eyes did the same to him. I can feel the lump in my throats and my heart was ready to combust. My thumbs stroking his cheeks in a soft caress. He closed his eyes momentarily before opening them.

I hold his face in both hands, pulling him down and resting our forehead together. We were both lost of words right now. His hands was on my hands. My sights blurred slightly with the tears threatening to fall.

His hands move to rest on my waist. Hesitantly, pulling me and lifted me to hug me. He hid his face in my neck, I can feel his hard breathing. I was hanging and the only thing that keep me from falling is the way he embraced me. My arms wrapped around his neck.

He walks us to the couch, straddling me on his lap. Not lifting his head even once. He hugged me tight, I can hardly breathe but I don't want to interrupt his moment. At this time, it feels perfect to be in his arms.

I delved my fingers in his hair assuring him that I was still here. I will be here if he needs me. Whenever.

"I'm here Ethan. I'm here whenever you need me." I whispered in his ear.

He doesn't respond, just tightening his arms around me. Not long after his arms around me loosened, and he lifted his head from my neck. As soon, tears make its trail on his cheeks.

I was shocked at first, but I was fast to wipe his tears. I kiss his eyes and kiss his face, his cheeks and lastly on his lips. I hug him before saying, "You can cry as much as you can, I'll still be here."

He pulls me down with him to lay on the couch. Our face facing each other. I felt comfortable staying like this with him. My head was laying on his arms, his free hands was wrapped around my waist lazily.

In this position, we were forced to stay close as so we don't fall. Or specifically me. He pulls me closer, and I gasp in shocked. Our breath fans each other, nose touching, legs tangled together.

He closed his eyes and we both fall asleep in this position.

***
At some point at night, I have moved us to my bedroom. I don't want her feeling uncomfortable with us pressing against each other on that couch. I don't mind really but she is the focus now.

Her hair was sprawled on my pillow. With the soft glow of the morning sun, she looks like an angel. Her face looks younger when she's asleep.

I was awake before her but don't will myself to get up. I don't want to wake her. I still want to watch her sleep and watch her breath. It's a fascinating sight.

For the record, I don't even try to get up if the first thing I see everytime I wake up is her.

She stirs a little and was trying to turn away from me, but I stopped her movement . Wanting her to face me. I tightened my arms on her waist, securing her from turning.

For the first time, I found comfort in someone's companion. I don't know if it's because of my needs to actually need someone or if it's because of her. It actually confused me to the point of no return.

I know for a fact that I was attracted to her, hell I even like her. But it didn't do justice to my rationalization for me to accept her companionship when I was in yesterday's state.
Hell, it didn't even occur pass my mind.

Usually, I would reject anyone who would try to be with me at that time. Shutting people out is what I mostly do. Like I did to Will. To my father.

I don't want to burden anyone or for them to even understand my state. I want to just let myself drown until the moment breaks up and I heal by my own pace. Not everyone else's.

It's out of norm of me to have someone see me in my breakdown state, but damn if I don't appreciate the understanding eyes of her, free judgement eyes of her. I like that she just embraced me, telling me that she would always be here.

That she didn't force anything out of my mouth. She didn't even understand what's going on. I left her out the details on my family, leave her in the shadow. But she stays patiently even when I didn't answer her.

God, she's precious.

Thinking back, I have no idea what she sees in me from the moment we know each other. Because she's amazing and so full of life.

I catch her expression changes, from calm to frowning, causing me to frown too. She whimpers and try to turn away again. This time I let her, and her back head is facing me and I'm spooning her instantly. Her hair smells like orange and apple.

She smells amazing.

I put my face in the crook of her neck and smell her, hugging her from behind. It has been so long that I felt this content, but with her it is never a doubt that I would be lack of it.

She turns back at me, not moment later. Her green eyes open. We stares at each other.

My heart stops before it moves rapidly.