Molly | Herophine

Chapter 35: After 6 Months

I twirl the ring between my fingers, the brilliance of its diamond almost blinding as the late afternoon sun hits it every so often while my Uber zips through LA traffic.

Six months.

I've kept this ring hidden deep in the crevices of my drawer back in London for six whole fucking torturous and lifeless months. The only times it was ever taken out of its hiding place and out of the tiny velvet box were those nights when the loneliness became unbearable and the alcohol and pot were fucking with my head. I always only took it out during the night, when my room was dark and the only bright and shiny object was the stone. It was sort of a sick metaphor for what had became of my life-the darkness of my room symbolized my life itself and the brilliance of the ring was what Jo was to me.

Six bloody fucking months.

Since we parted ways back in September of last year in Atlanta, I haven't heard a single word from her. I tried to call her the moment my plane landed in Heathrow but she's already changed her number. I tried to slide into her DMs but she apparently no longer handles her social media accounts personally. I tried to persuade Anna into giving me Jo's new number but she just wouldn't budge, saying that Jo made her promise not to give out her personal number to anyone, especially not to me. She had completely cut me off her life in a matter of hours since we parted. That moment... that exact fucking moment I knew I had lost her.

I shouldn't have boarded that damn plane. I should have booked a bloody flight to LA with her.

I should have fought to keep her mine.

But instead, I left. I bloody fucking left like a motherfucking coward. It's no excuse that I was grieving. It's no excuse that I was also hurt and in pain. There was absolutely no goddamn excuse for me to have left her to deal with the grief and the trauma all by herself. Even if she had told me that we needed a break, I should have fought her about it. I should have been with her like I always thought I would. But I didn't and I will forever regret committing such stupid decision.

I twirl the ring again, knowing that as the minutes pass, I'm actually finally getting closer to her... to my love.

I can't believe I'll be seeing her again. It will be the first time in half a year. How I survived all those months between us without her, I can't even fathom. The alcohol and weed helped but honestly speaking, I've just become a shell of the man that I once was since September.

Ever since since's cut me off, I've been stalking her on the internet like a mad man. I couldn't get through one day of not checking on updates about her which has been, quite frankly, not enough to quench my thirst for her. She's too private, too protective of her personal life that I rarely ever see new news about her except for tags from her stalker-ish fans who seem to know where to look-like a quick glimpse of her hair in a fifteen second video uploaded by one of her friends, or theories of her whereabouts based on the people close to her. I don't know how they do it but I thank each and every one of them for giving me the closest I could get of news and images and videos about her.

I miss her so terribly.

Getting the call from Jamie about the tour schedule reminded me that there is still hope for me and Jo... hope for us. That is why instead of waiting another two days to travel to New York, I booked the earliest flight to LAX, hoping and praying that Jo is still in here and not some place else. The last news about her is that she was out with Pia, Anna and the rest of the cast of After for Pia's launch of her single Bitter Love. And that was a few nights ago. Coming here on a whim without a single fucking plan-except to beg Jo to allow me in her life again-probably isn't a wise decision but whoever said I was one to be called wise?