My voice in a world full of panic (poetry)

Sorry...

To all who read this,

I'm sorry.
Not.

I never meant it to be this way,
I never meant to break it to you like this,
I never meant to cause you grief such as this,

Yet my courage deceives me,
For I'm prepared for what comes next,
But Not for this, Never for this,

I bite my bloody lip for when you find me,
My eyes faded ghostly toward my skull,
My warm porcelain skin turned chalky blue,
My crescent lips slightly parted,
My fingernails, dripping with crimson from the burn of the rope,
My animated happiness, radiating peace in such a loud world,

I can only imagine,
what is running through your head,
as you read this,
I'm sorry,
But I'm not,

Tell the others I loved them,
That my last thoughts were of them,
And you,
Tell them I'm sorry,
But I'm not,

It is impossible to reveal the power,
The power of decision that is coursing through my veins,
Right now,
Buzzing at my fingertips,
I'm sorry about the decision I chose,
But I'm not,

My childhood was trapped inside a steal box,
Clasped with fourteen padlocks,
And thirteen keys,
It was encased in darkness,
And fear,
And anger,
I'm sorry this is how I freed myself,
But I'm not sorry I attempted it,

Sorry,
But I'm not,

Yours truly
xxx