Poems and thoughts

until

I can't deal with myself anymore
I'm always laying in bed,
barely able to breathe.
Fantasizing about death
every time I'm drunk.

I don't want to talk about it.
I don't want to deal with my struggle.
I don't want to feel it one more minute.
I don't want to be alive, wake up and experience this pain even more.

I don't reach out, because I want to end it.
I don't reach out, because there is no happy ending for me.
I don't reach out, because you shouldn't feel bad for not being enough.
I don't want to make it another day anymore.

Then the realization will hit you,
I never got better.
The mask of survival...
Simply hiding the finale that's about to come.
I'm sorry to be to weak for therapy
But there is no use of trying to keep me alive.
Let's just enjoy the days,
Until the end