Shattered Thoughts

Poem: My Friend Anna

As I look in the mirror

I see clearer.

After all the years

I am done shedding tears.

You roped me in

You made me leave marks on my skin.

You made this pact.

My blood spills from my palm where you made contact.

You whispered lies in my ear.

So I have to shout just to hear.

I used to be like all the other kids,

But now you can see all my ribs.

Shards of glass protrude from my cheekbones.

Looking as if they'd been carved by stones.

That isn't true though.

You know it is their words that started this long ago.

Girls are always so ruthless.

Making me feel as if I'm useless.

Boys are brutal.

All I can see is there dissaproval.

Fat, ugly, thunder thighs.

Heavy, chubby- this is why I cry.

No thigh gap.

Your friendship was just a trap.

I never should have let you in.

You just make me feel like trash in a bin.

Constantly counting my calories.

Then writing the intake in my diaries.

What if I have too much?

I'll just stick my fingers down my throat while all of you judge.

Taking tiny bites here and there,

So you don't suspect and this doesn't turn into a nightmare.

Now I'm a walking skeleton.

And I don't look elegant.

I said after all these years,

I am done shedding tears.

But I lied

And with her I still stand side by side.

She has trapped me in her prison.

It is a micricale this was able to be written.

Her claws are sunk deep into me.

There's no more hope; leave me be.

Bones poke out of my face, stomach, and hips.

She lured me in with the words that fell from her lips.

Skinny, beautiful, pretty.

Do not feel any pity.

To her, my soul was sold.

She took me into her house of gold.

I fear I will never escape.

Even now when I look in the mirror, all I see is a shape.

She has locked me up and thrown away the key.

She has condemned me.

She made me call her Anna, but despite my hysteria,

I remember her real name: Anorexia.