Me, My Shrink And Lisa

Session eight: Home for a while...

– I guess you gave up... – Dr. Macy says as she gets next to me.

– I need some time, that's all...

– Well, our session is over. You can go home.

– Already? It was so fast!

– I know you are dying to go home.

– Go home? Not really. Getting out of here running? Very, very much...

– So, goodbye and see you in a week.

– Bye.

Dr. Macy starts to walk away and I?

I don't move an inch.

– Noah?

– I'll go, I'll go... I just need... I...

– I know you miss her, Noah, but...

– I have to go, I know... I just... I can't... I can't go back there...

– Did you consider living with your brother?

– Did Batman consider living with Joker?

– I see...

– Well, I'm out.

I start to walk to the opposite way to where Dr. Macy was.

– Where are you going?

– Home. Unfortunately...

When I get home, I don't talk to anybody and simply go upstairs and locked myself in my room. While I'm laying down, my phone buzzes and, when I go check it, I nearly have a heart attack...

Marcus T.

- Dude, are u at home?

Noah H.

- Why? Do you miss putting bleach on my wounds?

Marcus T.

- Pls. I need to talk to u.

Noah H.

­- I don't want to talk to you. Thank you. Bye.

Shortly after that, Maira knocks the door.

– Noah? – She says.

– What do you want?

– Marcus is here.

– What the...? Tell him to go away.

– You know I won't go away. – Marcus says and then there is silence for a while.

– Maira?

– She's not here anymore.

– What the hell do you want?

A pause.

– I want to apologize...

– I don't want your apologies. Especially not now.

– Noah, please listen. I-

I open the door and point a finger at him.

– You mistreated me. You mistreated Lisa. You even mistreated Ryan! You became a terrible person. You helped them doing that to me and Lisa! For what? Football. Fucking football! You really think I can forget you after what you did? Ryan killed himself, Marcus! He threw himself from a building! A fucking building! I was there. Where were you?

(Just for you to know, it's more like "he threw.himself.from a building")

He stutters I's but doesn't say anything else.

– Get out. And don't you dare to come back again.

I get in and close the door, not waiting for a reaction.

The next day, while at school, everybody avoids making eye contact with me. Though, there's no sign of Marcus. When I get home, I avoid everyone and go to my room. It goes on like this until the next session with my psychologist.

– How was this week?

– Lame. Awful. Terrible?

– And Lisa?

– Still didn't show up. Would I be here if she did?

– Probably. But with her.

– Touché.

– So, are you ready to talk about the last suicide attempt?

– Not really, but I have to do it anyway, right?

– What happened that day? – I stay quiet – You told me you told Lisa that you were okay. What changed?

I take a deep breath.

– When I was okay, there was no Marcus. No Ulisses, no Anthony, no Theo, no Monique, no family... No one but Lisa. That day... Things were different. I got... humiliated? I could use a worse word if I could remember... That... That day... I...

– Breathe.

– If I do it again, I might end up not telling you what happened. – She nods – As you know, I've been a walking mess. Everybody was/is disappointing me. I tried, I really did but, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get fine. I was stuck in okay. And to an okay person, anything makes it crumble. And I crumbled hard.