Me, My Shrink And Lisa

Session fourteen: Feelings, feelings...

– So... – Preston says as he sits beside me at the peak after school – I'm sorry.

– You? Sorry?

– You were my best friend Noah. And I walked away on you when you gave up kickboxing instead of understanding... – I stay quiet – So, I'm sorry.

– Good to know... – I look down to my hanging feet – It took you a while, didn't it?

This time he stays quiet.

– So, champion, huh? – I say and look up and he smiles.

– Guess I got luck... And you gave up, so... – I smile too – Someone must take over.

– Yeah...

– I'm also sorry for... You know... My brother...

– Theo is a moron. No offense.

– I just... I can't understand why you let them think they could kick your ass.

– They actually did.

– At the prom? I heard the crowd threw baseballs at you.

– No... A day before.

– What happened a day before? – I look sideways – Noah.

– I got my ass kicked. – I look back at him.

– You're saying that before they made that trap, they beat you up?

– I'm not sure it was them, okay?

– Do you have other people trying to kill you?

– Maybe, I don't know?

– Why?

– You know why.

– You and honor. You are going to get killed by that.

– So you haven't heard.

– What? – I smile.

– Ah, I can't tell you. – I stand up.

– Really?

– You still have to regain my trust. Plus, I gotta go...

– Okay then... See you around...

– Yeap.

And I head to Jason's. I don't even have to knock. He opens as soon as he sees me coming.

– You were expecting me, I assume.

– I felt you.

I get in and he closes the door behind me.

– Well? – He asks.

– I want to know how you felt.

– Take a seat.

– Jason, I really don't want to talk about me today. I went to the hospital, to Dr. Macy's office and we spoke about me a lot. I'm done doing it. Especially because it hurts. So... How did you feel?

– Like I should've protected you. – He looks away – Like... Like a failure? – He looks at me.

– A mistake?

– Yeah... – He smiles.

– And what did you do?

– You know what I did.

– I want it to come out from your mouth.

– I got high. So... high.... – He pauses – And... If it was just marijuana and shit like that...

– You're saying...

– I'm saying heroine.

– Wow... Now I need to sit. – I sit – See, you almost died on me, you moron.

– I'm still your big brother.

– Yeap. And that doesn't make you less moron. – He laughs and shakes his head – The good thing is that you're alive and clean now.

– Yeah... Thanks to Maira...

– She's the best...

– Yeah, she is...

– Well... – I stand – I got to go. It was a nice talk.

I head to the door and he looks at me confused.

– Bye? – He says.

– Don't worry. You're forgiven.

– I heard... But, where are you going?

– I have something to do... – He simply stares at me – I know I just got here.

– Just don't kill anybody, okay? It includes you.

– I'll do my best.

I head out, take a deep breath and head to the park, where I know I can find Marcus.

And I do find him looking at the grass and sit beside him without looking at him.

– Okay. Explain yourself. – I say and he looks at me – I don't think it will change how much you matter to me but, try.

– I'm dumb, Noah. – He says and looks back to the grass – I'm stupid and dumb.

– I know that. And I don't want to hear that. – He looks at me again – I want to hear what you wanted to tell me the day you went to my house.

He stays quiet and looks to his hands.

– I... I went to say that I'm sorry...

– Hm...

– That... I chose popularity over you and didn't know how much it hurt you until...

– Until?

– Until I almost killed you. – I laugh.

– I went to the hospital on my own. You were far from killing me.

– I'm sorry Noah. I really am... Every... night... I think to myself that, maybe, if I didn't choose being one of the jocks, Ryan would still be here.

– No one knows that...

– Still...

– That's all you had to say?

– I just... There are no words for what I've done...

– Glad you know. – I stand and start to walk away – Have a nice life, Marcus.