Me, My Shrink And Lisa

Session seventeen: The truth (part two)

– I'm ready. – I say as Dr. Macy enters the room.

– You are? – She looks at my eyes – You really are...

– Can I start?

– I'm sorry Noah but I have to go.

– What? Why? I just gained the guts.

– I have to take care of a situation...

– I can help.

– Go home. Rest a little. Oh, and your sister is outside.

I stand up and go outside and see Maira and Jason. As soon as they see me, they both go "why didn't you tell me?"

– Why didn't I tell you what? – I ask.

– We ran into Mr. and Mrs. Mason today. – Jason says.

– They're back in town, so what? – I ask.

– They told us that they found out that Rita was high when she died. – Maira says – Psilocybin.

– What?! – I say.

– And marijuana, cocaine... – Maira says.

– Cocaine?! – I say.

– You were with her that night. – Jason says – You should know about it.

– She... – I say – No!

– You didn't know? – Maira says.

– She didn't do drugs! We were fifteen! – I say – She wouldn't do mushrooms...

– Well, she did. – Jason says and I stay quiet for a while.

– That changes the whole story... – I whisper.

– What? – Maira asks.

– I thought that she... That she... Oh my! – I say and sit on the floor – I need to breathe...

– You thought that she what? – Jason says.

– Jason! – Maira says.

– I thought that she was depressed! – I say – I never thought she had an addiction!

– Of course you didn't! – Jason says.

– Jason, come on! – Maira says.

– No, he's right. I had her on a pedestal and maybe I could see it but...

– I know... – Jason says and sits beside me.

– I'm sorry... – I say and Maira sits too.

– Noah, it wasn't your fault. – Maira says – You might think that you've killed her but you didn't. She had an addiction, she was depressed... That's more than enough to kill us. She was ill and you couldn't help because you didn't know. Nobody knew.

– I knew. – Karen says coming out of nowhere.

– What? – I ask.

We all stare at her for a few moments until I ask her "what?" again.

– I knew, Noah. – Karen says – And I... I tried to stop her but... I couldn't. She then got sober and... Well...

– Then she fell hard. – Jason says and Maira glares at him – We'll be at the car if you need us.

– O-okay...? – I say.

They get in the car and I stand up.

– Look... – Karen says – I tried everything and, when she finally got sober... It was a relief but I found out the same day I found out that I was in love with you. I wanted to make pretty clear that I liked you but you made pretty clear that you liked Rita instead, so... I backed down and... I... got away from you. Both of you.

I stay quiet and look at the ground then back at her.

– I was an asshole. – I say – I was... I thought I was happy so I was acting like an asshole.

– Noah...

– No. I hurt you. I can see it now... Believe me, if I could turn back time, I wouldn't do what I did to you.

– It was nothing, really. Get over it.

– You... You kissed me.

– Noah, seriously.

– You... Kissed me. No one ever kissed me before that. And I simply yelled at you. I broke your heart and I'm... I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.

– Noah, get over it! – She yells. I even stop breathing – Get over it, please!

A silence.

– I need you to get over it. I need you to stop apologizing so I can get over it.

– Karen...

– I'm sorry. – I try to put my hand on her shoulder and she stops me – Don't... I'm gonna go.

She starts to walk away and I get into the car.

– I'm more than an asshole. – I say and hit my head on the seat – So, now I know that Rita wanted to die and was a drug addict, that Karen is still in love with me...

– What? – Jason asks – But you humiliated her in front of the whole school.

– I'm a douche. – I say – I'm a douche that must finish telling the story. I'll be right back...