– You didn't do it but you took the fault for her? – I nod – You're a good friend.
– Thank you.
– But, once again, it didn't answer the whys.
– There are many whys in my story.
– The suicide whys. – I swallow – Tell me Noah.
– The first suicide attempt had to do with Ryan.
– What happened?
– He killed himself. His mom died and Oliver went away so... He killed himself. And I was affected pretty hard by his death...
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"Noah?" – Ryan said as we were watching the sun going down while sitting at the peak."Yes."
"Do you really think I can get through this?"
"You're strong, man."
"I was. I'm not so sure about that now..."
There was a moment of silence.
"She was everything to me..." – He said and looked down to his feet – "And I lost her..."
I put my hand on his shoulder and he sighed.
"As you know, I don't know much about this... But, I know you. And you don't give up easily. You will get through this and I will stick by your side no matter what."
"Thanks bro..."
Two days later and we were on the rooftop of an 11-floor building. It was really windy and raining and Ryan was standing on the edge of the rooftop and holding a very large pipe. Lisa was holding me tight so I didn't fly off and I was trying to convince Ryan no to jump.
"Don't do it! It's not worthy!" – I yelled.
"How can you know? Your life isn't as miserable as mine!" – Ryan said. There was water rolling down his face but I couldn't tell if the drops were tears or just the rain.
"Ryan, please! Don't... Don't do this..." – I said.
"Ryan, come on! We can get through this... We can... We..." – Lisa said and started to cry. I saw (sort of) her crying for the very first time that day.
"I'm sorry..." – Ryan said and turned to us, letting go of the pipe – "You will always be in my heart."
"Noooooo!" – I yelled and offered him my hand.
It was too late. He fell/threw himself before I could grab his hand.
After that, I could only hear things distantly. I never ate, drank, slept... I was... devastated.
"Noah, please. It's just a sip." – Lisa said and she offered me orange juice. Or was it mango?
"I don't want it."
"Noah, I..." – She put down the glass – "I know it has been hard. I mean, he was your best friend but... I... I don't wanna lose you too."
She grabbed the cup again and put it near my mouth.
"Just a sip."
"I don't want juice. Could it be coffee or something?" – She smiled.
"I'll be right back."
She left the basement and headed upstairs to get me coffee. The thing was, I was looking for a way to get her out of there to cut my wrists. I don't know if it was because I saw Ryan killing himself or because Marcus became someone way different from who he was but, I didn't have a meaning in my life anymore and became suicidal.
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Me, My Shrink And Lisa
Ficção AdolescenteThe explanations behind some feelings might be... Complicated. The feelings behind some actions even more. Suicide, for example, has depression, pain, grief, emptiness and many other feelings behind it. This story explains how some of those feelings...