Me, My Shrink And Lisa

Session Four: Ryan's dead? Oh no...

– You didn't do it but you took the fault for her? – I nod – You're a good friend.

– Thank you.

– But, once again, it didn't answer the whys.

– There are many whys in my story.

– The suicide whys. – I swallow – Tell me Noah.

– The first suicide attempt had to do with Ryan.

– What happened?

– He killed himself. His mom died and Oliver went away so... He killed himself. And I was affected pretty hard by his death...

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"Noah?" – Ryan said as we were watching the sun going down while sitting at the peak.

"Yes."

"Do you really think I can get through this?"

"You're strong, man."

"I was. I'm not so sure about that now..."

There was a moment of silence.

"She was everything to me..." – He said and looked down to his feet – "And I lost her..."

I put my hand on his shoulder and he sighed.

"As you know, I don't know much about this... But, I know you. And you don't give up easily. You will get through this and I will stick by your side no matter what."

"Thanks bro..."

Two days later and we were on the rooftop of an 11-floor building. It was really windy and raining and Ryan was standing on the edge of the rooftop and holding a very large pipe. Lisa was holding me tight so I didn't fly off and I was trying to convince Ryan no to jump.

"Don't do it! It's not worthy!" – I yelled.

"How can you know? Your life isn't as miserable as mine!" – Ryan said. There was water rolling down his face but I couldn't tell if the drops were tears or just the rain.

"Ryan, please! Don't... Don't do this..." – I said.

"Ryan, come on! We can get through this... We can... We..." – Lisa said and started to cry. I saw (sort of) her crying for the very first time that day.

"I'm sorry..." – Ryan said and turned to us, letting go of the pipe – "You will always be in my heart."

"Noooooo!" – I yelled and offered him my hand.

It was too late. He fell/threw himself before I could grab his hand.

After that, I could only hear things distantly. I never ate, drank, slept... I was... devastated.

"Noah, please. It's just a sip." – Lisa said and she offered me orange juice. Or was it mango?

"I don't want it."

"Noah, I..." – She put down the glass – "I know it has been hard. I mean, he was your best friend but... I... I don't wanna lose you too."

She grabbed the cup again and put it near my mouth.

"Just a sip."

"I don't want juice. Could it be coffee or something?" – She smiled.

"I'll be right back."

She left the basement and headed upstairs to get me coffee. The thing was, I was looking for a way to get her out of there to cut my wrists. I don't know if it was because I saw Ryan killing himself or because Marcus became someone way different from who he was but, I didn't have a meaning in my life anymore and became suicidal.