Spider-man Oneshots

Peter Orphan Jokes

STEVE:

Peter sat on the couch with a bag of potato chips on his lap, an old re-run of star wars playing on the TV. Steve walked in to the living room and saw peter stuffing his face with the now half empty bag.

"What are you up to?" Steve asked.

"Eating a family sized bag of potato chips and watching TV." Peter said with a shrug.

"Uh Pete, that's a normal bag." Steve chuckle at the spider-kid.

Peter looked Steve dead in the eyes and without any remorse said, "Everything is family sized if you're an orphan."

Steve's eyes widened at the teen as he shoved another chip in his mouth and returned to his movie.

CLINT:

The two of them were sitting on the couch watching a random move when an ad for S.C. Johnson came on. Peter sighed and tilted his head back.

"What's wrong Kid?" Clint asked. "Don't like commercials or something?" He joked.

"Nah. I just realized I could never work there."

Clint looked confused. "And why is that?"

"Because I'm an orphan and S.C. Johnson is a family company."

Clint's jaw dropped and Peter just smiled as the movie came back on.

NATASHA:

Aunt Nat was on the phone with an old friend of hers and she pulled it away from her face to ask peter something. "Hey do you wanna go to Red Robin with me and some friends?" She asked.

"Can orphans even eat at family restaurant's?" Peter asked with a thoughtful look.

Nat gave him a mom look and put the phone back to her ear. "Yes he's coming."

BRUCE:

The two of them were in the lab when Peter received a phone call from MJ. He picked up the phone and looked Bruce in the eyes and said, "Hello, Peter's Orphanage, you make them we take them, how may I help you?"

Bruce snorted and tried his hardest to not die laughing.

PEPPER:

Peter held the phone up with the camera facing him and snapped a picture.

Pepper sat down at the counter next to him and looked at the selfie he just took. "What was that for?"

"It was a family photo." Peter said with a sly smile.

Pepper shook her head and kissed his forehead. Peter took another selfie, but this time, he was leaning on Peppers shoulder.

About an hour later, Pepper got a notification on her Facebook. When she opened it, it was the picture Peter took of the two of them with a caption that said:

New and improved family photo.

TONY:

"Hey, Mr. Stark? Can you help me with  this?" Peter asked.

"Sure kid, what is it?"

Peter set his laptop in front of Tony and showed him the screen. "Its my new website for orphans. Problem is, it doesn't have a home page."

Toy scanned the contents of the webpage and quickly typed something before showing it to Peter. "There. That's better."

There, where the homepage is supposed to be, was a picture of stark tower along with a picture from last week of all of the avengers and Peter in a group hug.

THOR:

The god of thunder was going on and on telling Peter all about his family history when Peter interrupted him.

"You know, I think my family tree is a stump."

"And why is that man of spiders?" Thor asked.

"Cuz there's no one but me." Peter said with a snarky look.

Thor took the joke a little too seriously and proceeded to kidnap Tony from a meeting and drag both him and Peter to the nearest Child Services building to fill out the adoption papers.