Bittersweet » j.jk ✓

26| Welp

Jungkook and I walk in the house not saying anything to each other.

I can still feel the tingle on my lips from where his were, and the guilt hovers over me like a raincloud on a sunny day.

I take off my jacket and shoes before greeting everyone who has already arrived before us.

"Hey, what took you so long?" My dad asks me.

"Um," I feel my voice shaking a little but I cover it quickly, "We went up to this sight tower thing and the elevator broke down so we had to wait for someone to fix it."

My mom looks at us weirdly but brushes it off. "Alright then, it's getting late so how about we all head to bed?"

Everyone agrees and we all head to our rooms after taking turns using the bathrooms to brush our teeth and all that.

I put on a big shirt and some sweatpants before going back to my room. Laying in bed and waiting for Jungkook to come back in gives me time to think.

I don't feel awkward about kissing him. I mean hell, part of me wants to do it again. But the other part of me is guilt-ridden.

I can't believe I fell so quickly. Why did I do that? Why didn't I just let myself stand my ground and pull away before it escalated?

I criticize myself for it, knowing damn well that I fucked up. I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have enjoyed it. I shouldn't want to do it again.

I let out an exasperated sigh and get out of bed. I know it's freezing outside and it's literally snowing right now, but I get on my slippers and a hoodie before opening the sliding glass door to the balcony.

I feel the coldness hit me but I don't regret coming out here. I need some fresh air to get my mind away from him anyway.

I lean on the railing and close my eyes, taking in the whole situation.

Should I tell Jessie? Should I tell Oliver? Should I tell anyone for that matter?

I press my fingers to my lips and the sensations all come back to me. Every slow movement, every caress against my temple or cheek, every shiver running down my spine and wave of heat pulsing through me.

I yearn for him again, but I can't let myself do it. Because I know that I'll be hurt in the end. I know he'll leave me in the dust when he goes off to screw some other girl. I'm sure of it.

I hear a knock on the balcony door and I turn around to see Jungkook opening it to step out with me.

"Was that...?" He doesn't finish his question but I know what he means.

"Don't worry, it's okay." I assure him and look into his eyes. They're so gentle that it makes my heart flutter again. Pure and innocent, but I can't forget that he is the embodiment of a player.

"You sure? You don't seem satisfied." He comes out into the cold with me, shivering against the wind since he doesn't have a coat on.

"Believe me, I am." I avert my eyes and feel a blush creeping to my cheeks. I'm lucky that the only light out here is from the lamps inside so he can't see much of my face. "I just..."

"You feel guilty, don't you?" He looks out at the snowy trees.

I hum a "yes" and feel my cheeks warm up even more.

He stands in silence, letting himself lean agains the railing and look down at the snow on the ground. I can tell he's thinking about it hard. It's filling his entire mind and then some.

"Okay." He nods mostly to himself, "how about this..."

He leans on the railing next to me. "We make this something casual. No strings attached; no worrying about all that stupid 'where does this bring us' shit that you dwell on."