My Viewpoint || J.JK ✓

9

3 AM

Time seemed to pass through like a gust of wind.

It's been two weeks. And today I can finally go back home.

The time I had the panic attack was the last I saw Jungkook. Since then, it was either Sohyee or Jimin taking care of me. After many arguments, the two had decided that it would be not safe for me to be left alone at least in the time period of ten pm to seven am. I didn't say much, I was irritated with being pampered.

I was sitting up on my bed. My body pain was much, much less. I turned my body to the side so my legs now dangled down the bed. Slowly, placing my feet on the floor I stood up. I look up at the time : 3.00 am. The same time I wake up everyday since that night.

I sigh.

Making my way through the similar corridor, I reach the lift. Clicking the topmost floor, I wait and cross my hands in front of my chest. I breathe in the familiar scent of the hospital lift.

Ding

The elevator doors opened. I walked out of the door. I proceeded towards the rooftop. The nurses on duty didn't stop me. They knew it would be an end to their own career if they dared to do so or even talk about my daily venture here.

I push open the door and quietly closed it behind me, avoiding any disturbance to other patients.

It was the same dark sky lit up by the specks of starlight. Moon seemed to have disappeared today under the clouds, hiding itself from the cruel world. The city of Seoul looked quiet at this moment, dark corners of the street appeared darker making it a perfect hiding place for any figure lurking there. One could hear the sound of the wolves howling from afar, the owl was heard hooting in response. Everything seemed to follow their same old routine. Nothing changed, but everything changed.

This is the time when I allow every thought that lingers in my head to surface up and let it out. Other time I would just suck everything up, but right now, I just let everything flow out. I don't, I can't and I shouldn't hold it back anymore. I somehow felt naked inside. But allowed this state of mine, my vulnerable state to show up at this moment. Sometimes I want to shout and scream my emotions out, but there is no one here, absolutely no one here who would want to listen to my worries.

All they'll see is a pathetic woman. A very pitiful depressed woman.

But I never ask for pity. All I ever wanted was empathy. And someone I could trust. But everytime I do it, I'm betrayed.

Jungkook saw a part of me I had wanted to keep buried inside, I had never shown to anyone for long. Somehow, I felt comforted in his embrace. In his arms. It felt warm and just right at that moment. His breathy voice did relax me. But my grief was more than his warm words, so I ended up unconscious into the unknown land.

The wind blew past me. I folded my arms closer to my chest as I rubbed my arms for warmth. It was a chilly night. Looking at the bench, I took calculated steps and sat on it. Bringing my knees closer to my chest, I let my arms hug them closer to me. Laying my head backwards, I look up at the sky.

Staring blankly, I thought about Jungkook again. Surprisingly he had managed to invade my thoughts every time. One moment he hates me, the next moment he is embracing me in his arms. He is one intriguing guy. It's just weird. And amusing, but strange. There is something that pulls me towards him like a magnet.

I was the moth and he was the flame, attracting me towards him, blindly knowing it was destructive.

I closed my eyes. I could feel goosebumps rising on my skin. It was really cold tonight. And the hospital clothes didn't do much to warm me. I hummed a tune even I was not familiar with. But it felt soothing and calm.