Alterity

Chapter Fifteen

I find myself dragging my feet through school. The only time my mind isn't on Aiden is when I'm sleeping, which I end up doing at least once in every class. Trouble with SPED classes is that they are smaller, so the teacher, whomever it may be, will always catch you if you're sleeping, texting, whatever. I start to doze off for a second or third time in Mr. Biggs' geometry class, when my friend and desk-mate, Marley, startles me awake by shaking my arm.

"Dude," he says in a tone of hushed intensity. "Wake the hell up. He's gonna see you."

I run my fingers through my hair and rub my eyes hard enough to make them bloodshot. "Thanks."

Marley smiles and nods. "Sure thing."

While we have never seen each other outside of school, I consider him a good friend. He has high-functioning autism too, in a very different way than I do. He excels when it comes to numbers, images, and the like, but has a lot of trouble with words and language—being far more literal and socially awkward than myself. You'd never know it by looking at him, though.

Marley stands a few inches taller than myself—at about 5'8"—wears retro-style glasses, has a head of thick, straight, dark-brown hair that is always swept to the left, and light, annoyingly-flawless skin. I guess what I'm saying is that he's pretty hot. He's definitely no Leo, but still. I mean, I'm autistic and not hot—so, like, can we switch? Granted, both of us have what some people call invisible disabilities. The only issue Marley has that is noticeable by looking at him is a very slight facial tic, where, like every minute or so, he moves the corner of his mouth ever-so-slightly an inch or two up his cheek.

"What's your deal?" Marley asks. "Why are you so tired?"

"My little brother is in the hospital," I say.

"Oh shit," says Marley. "What happened?"

"He has lead poisoning."

Marley nods, his face still. "That sucks."

I smile a little—this is what I mean by his lacking social skills. "Thanks."

"You're welcome."

It's not uncommon for people with autism spectrum disorders (ASD) to have what some refer to as reduced affect display. What this means is that while said individual feels emotions the exact same way as any neurotypical person, they are unable to express them or show them on their face in the same manner. Take Marley, for instance: He responded to my telling him about Aiden's situation still-faced and voice sounding fairly uninterested, but this is not the case at all. As someone that knows Marley well, I know that the way in which he made the statements he did meant he cares a great deal! He is just simply unable to express it. It's a concept that is hard for a lot of people to understand.

I check my phone constantly throughout the day, just in case I should get a text from Mom about Aiden's condition. The doctors already made it very clear that Aiden's level of lead poisoning, while certainly not good, was not fatal, but that he will be unable to be discharged until they get the lead levels in his body down significantly which could take a week or more. Still, the thought of him lying in that bed with IVs in his arms and his wrists secured just turns my stomach. I need to be there.

Leo tries to catch me at lunch but I can't bring myself to eat so I am leaving the cafeteria just as he is walking over. Truth be told, as much as I want to talk to him about it, I in no way have the language skills in ASL to discuss the situation and how I'm feeling even remotely—and the idea of writing it down a white board right now in a public space . . . I just can't, you know? I end up sitting out the majority of lunch period alone at an empty table in the library. My phone buzzes and I pull it out in less than half a second—it's Leo.

Leo: Hey! Where'd you go? Thought we were gonna practice

Me: Wasn't feeling well. Raincheck?

Leo: Sure :) Everything ok?

Me: Just some family stuff

Leo: Ouch. I get that, believe me. What's going on?

Me: My little brother is in the hospital with lead poisoning :'(

Leo: Oh god! Nvm! That I DON'T get! What happened??

Me: Remember I told you he has pica?

Leo: Ohh right the eating thing?

Me: Lol yeah, the eating thing. Well, he ate something—dirt they think—with lead residuals in it so he got poisoned :/

Leo: OMG!! I am so so sorry! How old is he?

Me: He's 8

Leo: Poor kid! That's so sad!! He's gonna be ok though, yeah?

Me: Yeah he's gonna be fine. I'm just worried.

Leo: For sure :/ Well if you need anything, just ask, ok? I'm here for you :)

I reread the last bit of the message again: I'm here for you :). In spite of everything, my heart flutters a bit. It kind of makes me wonder if I've been a bit blinded—or hypnotized—by his attractiveness and unique traits, that I have failed to notice that Leo is also a really good person. A person, despite who they are on the outside—which, regardless of our fucked up culture's view on physical appearance and textbook 'beauty,' is largely meaningless—that I would very much like to get to know deeply.