Alterity

PART 5: ERIK (Chapter 32)

Chapter Thirty-Two

"You're shitting me," says Kayla, sipping her Frappuccino.

"What?" I say.

"You're back with Leo again?" She says, as though it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"No, I'm not," I say. "We just finally reconnected, that's all."

Kayla raises her eyebrows. "Reconnected? Really?"

"What's your problem?" I say, starting to become annoyed.

"My problem is that you were doing so well—you were moving on! And now he's back in the picture again and I think that's a really bad idea!"

I give her a quizzical look.

Kayla sighs and sets her drink down, "Erik, I don't think Leo is good for you."

"I get that," I say, calming my voice some. "But again, we're not back together or anything."

"No, but we both know you're gonna go back to spending every second with him and that eventually you will be back together," she says, rolling her eyes.

"I repeat: What's your problem?"

I say this loudly enough that some of the other people at Starbucks turn their heads in our direction. Noticing this, I immediately quiet my voice and sink down in the chair, embarrassed.

"My problem is that you gave him everything and he repaid you with abuse," says Kayla.

"Abuse?" I laugh. "He never abused me!"

"Oh, not at all!" She says sarcastically, waving her hand in the air as if to say that it was no big deal.

"He just completely ghosted you and avoided—or insulted—you every time you'd see him in person."

"You know why that happened," I say. "I explained it."

Kayla shakes her head, "Here's the thing, honey: Before any of that happened, your relationship was still one-sided as fuck."

"No! Wait—what?" I stammer. "No, it wasn't!"

"Please," says Kayla. "It doesn't matter anyway—even if he was amazing, I still can't forgive him for what he did to you."

"Kayla, his dad-

"His fucking dad didn't make him treat you like shit! He did that on his own. And there you were, terrified, depressed and sobbing so hard every night on FaceTime with me that you'd start fucking gagging!"

I feel a sharp pain in my chest. The first few weeks were really bad for me. I had only slept two nights without a sobbing-filled panic attack when Leo reached out to me. It's not like I've had any since then, but still—I guess I try my best not to think about how miserable I was after everything happened with Leo.

"I'm not bringing that up to be mean," says Kayla, placing her hand over my own. "I'm bringing it up because I want you to understand where I'm coming from here."

"I understand," I say.

"I don't think you do, Erik," says Kayla—her voice breaking a little. "I think you're crazy in love with him—and I think you're going to get back together with him."

I swallow and there's an audible click in my throat.

"I am in love with him," I say.

"I know, honey," she sighs. "But are you sure you want to have him back in your life? He could do the same thing again—for a different reason. We know he's fucking capable."

I mull Kaya's words over in my head, but the image of Leo's smile—when I told him we could at least hang out again—mitigates the intensity of the point she's making.

"Yeah, well," I say. "I'm a believer in second chances—and I'm going to give him one."

Kayla nods, "Ok, hon. But anything happens and you call me ok? Promise?"

I smile, "Promise."