What the fuck is wrong with me?

Eight

Harry's Pov

I woke up feeling shit, extremely shit more so than I did when I woke up yesterday. I didn't want to move, I didn't even feel like I could. After last night I felt a number of things. Guilt, Embarrassment and Shame being the biggest. How could I ever face my friends now? They'd treat me completely differently I know it and I don't want that. Actually I don't how what the fuck I want to be completely honest. It's all too confusing, I don't understand why I feel like this. Then I heard a light knock on my door, I glanced over but didn't open my mouth to speak until, "Harry? Are you awake?"
It was Simon. For some reason I did want to see Simon.
"Yeah, you can come in" I croaked.
He opened the door and walked over slowly, before sitting down next to me. He looked me up and down. His eyes were blood shot red like he'd been crying and his hair was all messy, poking in different directions. God I wish he didn't have to know, I wish none of them did. Suddenly I realised, we were recording when it happened, SHIT I'm so stupid. "You reckon I could edit the video?" I tried to say it as casually as possible in a desperate attempt to avoid the elephant in the room. In a way I wanted to see the video since last night I was too shocked to pay attention to the way everyone reacted and I guess I was a little curious but then again, reliving the moment could make me feel worse. If feeling worse is humanly possible. He stuttered in his reply
"oh er uhh-haz we um we've binned the whole thing," He finished with and awkward smile and I nodded in understanding. I didn't want any of them re-watching that footage, the boys didn't need to see that again.
Simon tried to talk to me about my self harming. He asked questions like, why? when? How did I not notice? But I responded with a dull shoulder shrug every time. Finally though he stopped, took a deep breath and held my hand. Simon whispered to me "I care about you so much, we are all here for you." I smiled and squeezed his hand tightly. It took all of me to not just kiss him right there, that would not be good. Not again. It freaked him out last time it would freak him out now.

Simon's Pov

I wanted to kiss him so badly.