commitment// sulay

twelve.

he's... he's cute.

what the fuck is this feeling in my body?

yixing shook the thought out of his head, his thoughts immediately going back to tzuyu. he huffed, knowing that he should be trying to move on but not having the heart to do so. the dancer walked to his room, stopping at the doorframe. he looked to junmyeon's room, which was right across from his.

maybe if i talk about tzuyu, he'll open up to me about his past relationship...

"it's for his own good, he shouldn't keep things to himself," yixing mumbled to himself. he sighed to himself, walking around the hallway. he went to knock, but he stopped just short of it.

maybe he doesn't want to talk about it and i should respect that.

"it's worth a shot," yixing decided to himself, knocking three times before he could stop himself. he heard shuffling around, surprised at how utterly thin the walls were.

junmyeon opened the door. he had changed from his outfit into his pajamas, which consisted of a really huge sweatshirt that went past his knees.

"yes, hyung?" junmyeon asked.

"we started dating when i was thirteen, almost fourteen," yixing sputtered out, "can i come in?"

junmyeon nodded, moving away from the doorway so that yixing could step into the room. it was slightly larger than yixing's own, but it was much more cluttered so it seemed smaller.

"we started dating when i was thirteen," yixing repeated, opting to lean against the wall since he felt that he didn't know junmyeon well enough to sit down on his bed, "we went to high school together back in china. she was a freshman and i was a senior but we were the same age since i skipped grades. she was beautiful and kind. not the smartest, but i never minded because she was just so kind hearted. we started dating after a week of knowing each other. she was my only relationship, and i hate to admit it, but that relationship was so toxic that i'm scared to start dating again because i'm afraid it'll be like that and i won't even notice anything wrong with it. i brought her to korea when i got into seoul med. we became engaged when we were fifteen. we were going to wait until we were twenty one to marry so that there would be allowed alcohol at the wedding for the elder guests. she graduated high school as i graduated medical. i became a doctor while she got her basics done at a community college. it was around that time when she started to cheat on me. or maybe she always had been but i was too stupid to notice before. when we were eighteen she told me that she didn't like the way i looked so i began to work out. when i was at the gym, trying to become perfect for her, she would have sex with guys in our own bed. i was too chickenshit to tell her anything until she started flirting with tao. we were twenty- well, i was twenty one, but her birthday was after mine so we still had to wait- at that point. he's tall, handsome, she didn't know he was gay and a bottom. i told her to quit her shit, and that was the first time i ever snapped at her. she became... distant after that so we postponed the wedding. she'd disappear more, take my money that i earned from the hospital. i wasn't home a lot to begin with because i was always working, and if i wasn't working i was hitting the gym. the rare times i was home, she would yell at me for never being home. so i took shorter hours at the hospital, and when she saw i wasn't making as much money, she'd get mad at me for that too. i did love my job at the hospital. i was helping people, saving lives. but it became toxic for me because of her. i realized i had a passion for dancing, so instead of lifting weights at the gym i would spend my time dancing with a couple of friends there. that's how i met sehun. he was my dance partner, i guess you could say. anyways, i noticed that i was beginning to enjoy my time at the hospital less and less, so i confided in some of my doctor friends and my close social circle, tao, jongdae, baekhyun, and sehun. all of them were very encouraging about me following my dreams, and so i thought maybe tzuyu would be too. after all, i had made quite a few savings from the money that i hid from tzuyu. but she wasn't happy, she said if i quit my job at the hospital i would disgrace both of our family names. she was right, i knew it, but i was just so miserable, so sad. so i disregarded her for the first time in my life and i went ahead and quit anyways. i still keep in touch with my doctor friends. but my family back home, excluding luhan, won't talk to me. i can't go home. but neither can tzuyu, and i don't think i'll ever forgive myself for that. so i left her everything, moved into my old apartment and started attending sm entertainment university. my last place... well, that didn't work out, since the landlord and my roommate didn't like me. said i was too successful for my age, whatever the fuck that is supposed to mean. so i moved out, and here i am."

yixing took a deep breath, wiping a tear from his eyes. junmyeon stared at him.

"she wasn't good for you," junmyeon said. yixing nodded.

"yeah, i know. but i loved her anyways," yixing sighed, looking to junmyeon with watery eyes, "what about you?"

"for me, we started dating when i was seventeen," junmyeon said, "he was the first guy i had ever been with. before then i was only with girls, since i tried to convince myself i wasn't gay. didn't work out like that. anyways, we started dating when i was seventeen. he was eighteen at that time. i graduated high school at sixteen, met him in college. we were both going to work in the education department. at first, he was really nice. i fell in love with him maybe after six months of dating. eventually he began to drink... a lot. he wasn't so nice when he was drunk. he'd tell me stuff. you're too fat, then too skinny, then too muscly, too ugly, stuff like that. i tried not to pay attention to the verbal abuse since he would always apologize when he was sober. not like he'd remember what he was apologizing for anyways. but soon he began to push me around. nothing too serious at first- just the occasional slap. then came the kicks, then finally the punches. it came to the point where i had to be hospitalized. i lied and said i fell down the stairs, but i don't think my doctor believed me. it wasn't important. eventually he started hitting me when he was sober too. minseok and jongin found out one day when i just couldn't hide the bruises. they broke up with him for me, beat him up so badly that i doubt he'll ever come back around. i'm really grateful to them, but the damage was already done. this was about three months ago."

junmyeon was crying, trying to hide his tears. yixing was crying too, simply because he couldn't believe that anyone would ever want to hurt such an innocent ball of fluff.

and before he knew it, yixing was pulling junmyeon into a hug, shocking the younger. junmyeon's resolve crumbled, cuddling his head into yixing's strong chest as he sobbed. yixing wrapped his arms around his waist, holding him until he slowly calmed down.

"t-thanks, hyung," junmyeon whispered, his head still against the elder's chest. yixing placed a kiss against junmyeon's head.

"you deserve better," yixing spoke softly. junmyeon sniffled, wiping his eyes as he rose his head to stare up at yixing. he held searing eye contact with the elder, his eyes glazed over with tears. the smaller nodded, biting softly on his bottom lip.

"yeah, so do you."