The Runaway (Spot Conlon x OC)

Chapter 8

After the incident Mush and Race took me back to the lodging house. I went to to the bathroom and put on a warm sweat shirt like attire and shorts. I came back to my room to find Mush on a Chair and Race passed out on my bed.

I rolled my eyes, "light weights". Mush chuckled at my joke and turned out the lights. Apparently they didn't trust me to be alone right now, honestly, I wouldn't either.

I rolled Race of to one side of the bed, threw a blanket at mush, and shut my eyes. I truely tried to sleep, but it didn't work. My mind kept thinking about what happened.

I can't believe I thought he liked me! I let my guard down! The son of a gun! It never occurred to me that I was so heart broken I completely skipped over the rage and remorse stages. It's even worse now because I cry when I get angry and I cry when I'm really sad.

I sat up in my bed, tears streaming down, and questions running.

Was I played?
Why'd he come back if he didn't like me?
Did he ever like me?
Why did I get attached so quickly?
Was I not good enough?
Am I not pretty enough?
Was he disgusted by my past?
Did I fall for him?

I stood up and quietly snuck out of my room careful to not wake up Race, Mush, or any of the other newsies. I grabbed a knife, a paper, and pen and ran.

I went to my safe spot, the bridge. The only place I could truely think straight. When I was in the orphanage, the only way I kept sane besides Eli was journaling. And that's exactly what I did. I poured my heart and soul into words.

Dear whomever will be reading this,
I've lived a rough life. I ran away from it. I restarted in a place called Manhattan. I was doing just fine, I found a family and a few friends to last a life time, but I wanted one more thing. I wanted to love.

I met a boy. We'd flirt back and forth until one night. The night I saw who he really was. A broken boy that deep down wanted to love too. A soul just as damaged and tested as I. Someone that could understand me. Or to what I thought was someone I could care for.

Tonight I had completely let my guard down. I  was heart broken. To the point I went straight to denial. Leaving me to experience the hate and sadness now. I've been hurt many times, physically and mentally, but nothing hurts more than this. I can't do it. I WONT do it. No. Not again.

*pauses from writing*
I lifted up my sleeve to reveal the numerous scars. No, not the ones from being abused even though I have those too, but scars of cutting myself. Each scar representing a battle I lost against myself. I picked up the blade, pressed it against my skin, and dragged it down. I didn't cut the artery, but I cut enough to where it bled.
*resumes writing*

I've taken matters into my own hands. I cannot deal with this pain, so I must relieve it. This entire time I've felt numb or overwhelmed with feelings I could not distinguish, but when cutting, you get a sensation of relief.

It's funny how depression can make you shrink and feel so small. Like a blank paper waiting to be written upon. So I became the artist. Painting red lines down my arms.

The rush. The relief. The weight lifted off your shoulders. It pinched for a second, but then it feels so good. You want more so you do, your addicted or taken into a trance.

But then you snap back to reality.
Someone may need me. I can't be selfish. How am I going to hide this?

You bandage your arms and live another day, longing for your next art lesson.

*back to reality*
I bandaged my arm, shoved the note in my pocket, and walked home. I wasn't a doctor so I was still slowly bleeding, but nothing bad could happen right? I was wrong..

I climbed back into bed next to Race and pulled my sleeves down over the bandages so no one could see. Still on the high of cutting, I fell asleep.

THE NEXT MORNING
I woke up to someone snoring next to me. Ugh. Racetrack! I smacked him with a pillow causing him to fall off the bed. I sprawled out on the bed as he thudded on the floor, earning a laugh from Mush. 

"Alright youse sleepin' beauties. Getcha asses up and attem! We're meeting the other newsies at the dinner for breakfast!"

Race and mush left and I went to the bathroom. I lifted my sweatshirt to see my bandages almost soaking through. Damn. I rerapped my arm, and put on a black long sleeve. It was slightly big but as long as I hold onto the edges no one will know. I got myself together, left my hair down since everyone knew ise a goil and walked to the diner with Race and Mush.

We walk in and take a both where everything was going on. All the Brooklyn and Manhattan newsies were there except for Spot. Thank god. Of course I had to jinx myself because the door rang, and in walked spot. I immediately looked away pretending not to notice.

Both Race and Mush were busy talking to Jack, thank god, otherwise they'd have soaked Spot in sight right now.

Spot walked over to me. I ignore him.

"Kris"
I still ignored him
"Kris can wese talk?"
"No"
"Cmon Kris lemme explain ma self"

This really set me off. I stood up abruptly earning looks from everyone but I didn't care. I pointed at his chest and pushed him releasing my sleeve.

"I can't believe I let myself go for YOU! They was right! I can't believe I'm this pathetic! You really had me thinking I was the problem here. I blamed myself ALL LAST NIGHT. I haven't cried in years!"

At this point I stopped because I started to feel dizzy.

"Kris! Why is your arm bleeding!"

I looked at race before whispering "I'm sorry". I looked back at Spot saying "I fell for you. And I wanted you to catch me". And all went dark.

Narrator POV
Kris mumbles her last words to Spot before collapsing. After she fell a note fell outta her newsies cap. Spot took Kris in her arms and started to panic.

Spot started barking orders back and forth ordering people to get a medic and supplies.

Race on the other hand new Kris all too well. He looked at his unconscious best friend and read the letter.

His eyes watered. He, himself fainted after reading the letter.

Race POV
She collapsed?! I was about to snatch her from Spot's grasp when I saw a note. I opened it and read it.

ONE NOTE LATER
She's been bleeding since last night.. she's been depressed for years.. she's been cutting since 3 years ago. How'd I let this slip?! WHY DIDNT I NOTICE HER GONE LAST NIGHT?! I COULD HAVE PREVENTED THIS! I knew I shouldn't have let her see CONLON! I felt dizzy. I lost my balance and fell. My last thought being "I could have stopped this".