Abused And Used

Chapter 10

I need to make sure that I am pregnant, because I cannot ASSUME I am before I know the actual results.

“Oh…okay…” I looked down and got out of his embrace and suddenly wished I hadn’t. I love being in his arms and I hope I will still be able to continue to be in his arms after I tell him that I am pregnant when I make sure.

He sighed and said, “Baby, it’s not that I do not want kids period, I just want you all to myself that’s all…”

“I understand, I guess…but I have to go real fast to the store to get a couple of things. I will be back. I love you” I kissed him and left.

I went to the closest CVS downtown and bought a pregnancy test.

Once I got back to the apartment, I quickly slipped into the bathroom before Matt noticed I was back.

I did what I was supposed to do with the test and now I am supposed to wait 30 freakin minutes for the results.

I looked at the back of the box and it read:

Two blue lines=positive

One blue line=negative

This has been the longest wait in my entire life. The nerves kicked in and I realized that if I was pregnant that Matt would probably leave me. He said he does not want kids right now, and I just went against his wishes. I guess you can say this little Blip is an “oops baby”.

30 agonizing minutes finally went by and I picked up the stick while my eyes are closed, I took a deep breath in and out. I slowly opened my eyes and that was when the stick had:

Two Blue Lines.

I am officially pregnant.

All of the emotions started flooding in and I began to break down and cry. What if Matt actually did leave me and the baby? Will our baby live without his/her father? I do not want that to happen. I grew up with hardly my father around; I do not want the same outcome for my child. I will not let that happen. I cannot tell Matt right now, especially after what he said. I am terrified to tell him actually. I cannot lose him and I know our baby does not want to lose him either.

I actually have a feeling that it will be a boy. Mother’s instinct. It is too early to tell that I am pregnant. Maybe Matt will never know and I will be safe. I cannot keep this from him forever. I think that would be the reason why he would mainly be upset, because I hid it from him. I am only doing this for the sake of me and the baby. What about him? What about his sake?

Will he still possess the love he beholds in his heart? Or will he turn a different way?

Those thoughts linger in my head.

I calmed myself down and threw all of the evidence away so there would be no trace of anything. I will tell him on my own terms and on my own time.

Right now is not a good time to tell him.

Will he be happy? I sure hope so.

I have a part of me and him inside me; I hope the baby will be more like him.

I already have fallen in love with our baby.

I went into the living room and Matt was nowhere to be found.

I sighed. I need him.

I laid down on the couch and once I did, I fell asleep.

Exhaustion hit me suddenly.

I woke up with a start hours later, my heart beat was rapidly faster and sweat rolled down my face. I had a nightmare.

I can’t even talk about it, because it makes me want to break down and cry.