stay away

Back to where it all began

The carousel. He must be there. No one except me knew about that place and he still assumed that I didn't know he had left so he must have thought I wouldn't find him either. God I hope that's where he is. It was about half 6 and the sun was just starting to go down but I decided that I didn't care. All that mattered to me right now was finding Miles and making sure he was okay. Even if he didn't want me I just wanted to know that he was safe.
I walked down the alley and stood in front of the wall. I thought back to last time I was here, when Miles pushed me up onto the wall and touched my butt. I smiled to myself; that was a good day. I reached onto the top of the wall and placed my foot into a small crack in the side. With a lot of effort and strength I managed to hoist myself into a very uncomfortable position planking on the top of the wall. I shifted and nearly fell off the other side but as I seem to have cat like reflexes, I landed on my feet.
It was nearly completely dark in the woods because the trees blocked out the sky. I got out the torch on my phone and shone it in front or me. I called out for Miles as I had started to get scared. My voice cracked with fear. After walking for about 15 minutes I couldn't find the carousel. I shouted louder and louder for Miles but there was still no response. If he isn't here then where is he? What if he had no intention of coming back? What if the drugs had really got to him and something bad had happened.
I sat down next to a tree exhausted and cold. A tear rolled down my cheek and I put my face into my hands. My cries for Miles became faint and eventually stopped. I sat there, lonely and scared for about 5 minutes. I was about to get up and attempt to find my way out of the woods, when I heard something behind me. It sounded like a branch breaking in half. I immediately looked up and tried to hold my breathing. I was so scared I froze.
"Effie, is that you?"
The sound of his voice rang through my ears.
"Miles! you are okay. Where are you?"
"I'm right here"
Two feet were inline with mine and I looked up to the see the faint outline of Miles.
He was alright. Relief filled my body and tears were flowing down my cheeks again. But this time they were tears of happiness.
He reached down, grabbed my hands and pulled me up. I didn't even think about it, I just put my arms around him and held on so tight.
"I-I thought you were gone. Your dad talked to me and I came looking for you, I got lost and I was- I was so scared. I couldn't find you and I thought something bad had happened and I "
He put up a finger to my lips to stop me from talking.
"Shhhh don't worry I'm here now with you. We are safe, together"
"I don't care about me. I'm just glad I found you. I thought you would do something to yourself because you were angry and depressed. Why did you tell me you were over it all. How am I supposed to be here for you if you lie to me?"
"I'm sorry please don't be angry with me. The last thing I want is for you to be mad too. I did it to protect you. You deserve so much more than me. I'm broken and twisted. I get so angry and I can't control it. So I left. I didn't want you to know because I didn't want you to leave me"
"I would never do that. I couldn't. All I want to do is make sure you are okay. I never want you to feel like you can't tell me stuff. When you are feeling angry, or sad or just like you need a hug. Tell me, please. I need you as well, more than you know."
"what do you mean"
"nothing I just meant that I don't want to be without you. I want you Miles. I don't care if you think you aren't worth it because I know that you are and I want to do everything humanly possible to prove that to you."
"you are so perfect. I want you so much. I don't think I have ever met a girl as kind as you. I want to be here for you too. I don't want to let you down again, I'm so sorry I left. I just thought that.."
"Hey, now it's your turn to shhh. You could never let me down, ever. Look at me Miles. Let's just forget about this okay. If you ever feel like doing it again then you call me and I will come to the carousel with you and stay there all day and night if I have to"
He didn't say anything else, he just nodded his head and then placed it on my shoulder. I could feel the wet of his tears seeping through my shirt. I gripped him as tight as I could until he stopped crying.
Eventually he looked up and whispered to me.
"Do you think we can stay here in the woods together just one more night? I really don't want to be alone tonight; not without you"
"of course just let me text my mum saying I'm at violets"
He took me to the carousel where he has set up a tent right next to it. He must be so used to coming into the woods by now because he found his way around so easily.
We go into the tent which smelt like weed and fags. I liked it though. It reminded me of him. It was a comfort smell. We laid down and he held me in his arms, our legs intertwined and we snuggled deep into the sleeping bag he had brought with him. His head was rested on my chest and he was soon in a deep sleep. I could feel his body moving as he breathed. I laid there for a while, starring at the top of the tent and listening to the sounds of the woods until I drifted off as well.