no trivia [jori]

1

Would you be depressed?
If I attend that wedding
But only as a guest.

I sat on the edge of my couch with my fingers laced together on top of my knees to keep them from anxiously fiddling with one another, my eyes fixed on the coffee table, on the small, white envelope that lay in front of me, torn along the edge with just a few tiny little nicks here and there where the glue had caught and ripped the paper.

The envelope had only been touched three times, once when I first got it, once when I finally worked up the courage to open it, then again, just a few minutes ago, when I took it from where it had been stuck to the refrigerator door for the past few months and placed it on the table.

I felt sick just looking at it, knowing the meaning behind it, something that should be such a happy time only serving to make my already aching heart splitter and crack. For inside lay a wedding invitation, on ivory parchment, every letter of every word skilfully written in calligraphy, so beautiful, yet so tauntingly painful to see.

The names of the bride and groom, which were inked onto the invitation in dark silver, were now slightly blotted and stained with a few small tears drops. The just legible names of Beckett James Oliver and Jadelyn West- soon to be Mr and Mrs Oliver, in a day's time- mocked me as soon as I'd opened that envelope and caught a glimpse of what I had been dreading for too long now...

I was brought out of my transfixed gaze by loud taps at my apartment door, the instantly recognisable five beat rhythm of my best friend's usual knock not even enough to bring a smile to my face. I got up from the position I had slumped myself into and crossed the small distance to the door, opening it to reveal the beaming face of Andre Harris, who stood in the hallway in a bulky leather jacket that zipped all the way up to just under his chin, shielding him from the October chill that had settled itself in LA over the last week.

"Why, if it isn't my best bud, Tori Vega!" He greeted enthusiastically, gathering me up into a crushing hug that I didn't really want, but still let the man hold me tight for a moment before releasing me, allowing me to breathe again.

"Who else did you expect?" I said, trying to make my tone joking, but only succeeded in bitter, maybe broken.

"Hey, don't be like that!" Andre's voice softened when he caught my tone. He chucked me lightly on the chin with his knuckles before stepping into the apartment, removing his jacket and hanging it on one for the coat hooks to the right of the door way, stuffing his hands into the front pockets of the dark jeans he was wearing afterwards.

"Sorry." I muttered, automatically leading him over to the kitchen to make coffee, a habit I had gotten into whenever he, or a certain other person, turned up on my doorstep. "I'm just in a bad mood."

"Let me take a wild guess why." Andre sighed. He had walked away from me as the kettle began to boil, over to the couch I had previously occupied. He picked up the little white envelope and waved it in my direction.

I nodded, unable to lie to the guy. He was the only person who knew why such a thing would make me feel so hurt, save for one other, who just happened to be the cause of every horrible feeling I felt right now. He was the first person I had confided my feelings to once I had managed to figure out their true meaning, all those years ago when we were still in high school, and remained the only one I could talk to about them, whenever I needed to. Not that ever I wanted to, especially not recently. I'd much rather forget.

"Tor." Andre was by my side again, taking the kettle from my slightly shaking hand to pour the water into our mugs. "I thought you said you were over this."

"That's what I said, Andre." I snapped, unable to help myself. "But do you really think I meant it?"

"I didn't believe a word." He smiled half heartedly; handing me my coffee- black, two sugars, an addicting taste- and tugging me back to the couch where we sat in silence for a while, each sipping at our respective drinks.

"Are you going?" My friend asked after a short time, placing his mug on the table, beside the envelope.

I shrugged. "It's tomorrow."

"That doesn't answer the question."

I huffed, placing my own mug down before falling back against the sofa. "I don't know if I can. It's bad enough just thinking about it, let alone actually seeing it."

Andre placed his large, warm hand on my knee as I ran my fingers through my already messy hair. I hadn't bothered with tidying myself up this morning, as I knew I'd be spending the day slumped around the house, in no mood to leave, so I now sat beside my casually dressed best friend in the scruffiest, yet most comfortable clothes that I had thrown on once I dragged myself out of bed.

"This is really eatin' at ya, isn't it?"

"No shit." I replied moodily.

"I think you should go." Andre continued, as if he hadn't heard me.

"Brilliant idea!" I snorted sarcastically, throwing my arms in the air with a scowl. "Let me add that to the list of things I never want to do!"

Andre failed to suppress a snigger as he nudged me with his elbow. "She's really rubbing off on you." He commented.

I dropped my head into my hands in despair. "Don't say that!" I whined. That was the last thing I wanted, to be reminded of her by all the bad habits I'd picked up from over the years.

Andre slung an arm over my shoulders, pulling me into his body so my head rested against his chest, the sound of his heart beating in a soothing rhythm filling my ears.

"I'm serious." He spoke quietly, fingers threading through my tangled hair in an effort to comfort me. "You should go. For some closure on this whole mess of a relationship you guys built up. It'll hurt, I know, but it might help you get over it."

I couldn't help the small sniffle that escaped me as I moved away from him, eyebrows creased in sudden anger. "So, you're taking Beck's side now?"

"I'm on no one's side!" Andre said quickly, raising his hands in defence. "I just want you all to be happy, and if Jade marrying Beck makes them happy, then I've got to find a way to keep you smiling too!"

I cringed at his words, 'Jade marrying Beck', it made me feel sick again.

"But, how do you know she's truly happy with Beck? If she was, she wouldn't have been cheating on him with me for so long! If she was, then why does she come running to me whenever they had an argument or a break up or something stupid!" I retorted, fist thumping into the soft cushions either side of me in annoyance.

"There's only one way to find out." Andre lent over the table and snatched up the invite, handing it to me. "Go. Find out how she truly feels, or you're going to regret just sitting here doing nothing about it for the rest of your life."